Paper Stars
by Enchanted Ice Star
Summary: When I mention the name Tomoyo Daidouji, Sakura will try to hurt herself while muttering 'murderer'. When I mention Li Syaoran, she starts hyperventilating and asking him to save her. Why? Because insanity welcomes her, and reality does not.
1. Dream

  
  
  
  
AN: Arghness, some three years ago I swore to never ever never everrr write two fics at the same time because I either forget about the other one or I just completely stress out and melt. Yes. I melt. But anyways, I couldn't help but start this fic because I was scared I would forget everything again and ladedededa...summer holidays are almost over for me, sadly, and I still have lots of homework to finish (yes I get homework from school during summer, doesn't that suck?). So updates may be slow, but I'll keep it up (of course...with the help of reviews right? *sweat drop*). Well, before you read this fic, please read the warning after this note. Do not say I have not warned you =P  
  
**Warning**: This fic contains an abusive relationship (not very graphical though, but you'll know it's an abusive relationship), insanity, and mild language. If you don't want to be reading about stuff like this, then I suggest you leave :P Also, there is no magic (as in Clow Cards/Sakura Cards) in this fic. I shall repeat, there is no magic.  
  
  
Disclaimer: CCS doesn't belong to me, it belongs to CLAMP...disclaimers are getting really tedious -_-  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Paper Stars  
Chapter One: Dream

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
-Meiling's Point of View-   
  
  
When I mention the name Tomoyo Daidouji, Sakura will try to hurt herself while muttering 'murderer'. When I mention Li Syaoran, she starts hyperventilating and asking him to save her. Why? Because insanity welcomes her, and reality does not.  
  
It's a pain and a knife slicing your heart when you watch a girl once filled with indescribable happiness be filled with the torment of her own thoughts. It's a pain and another knife slicing at your heart when you see those around her slowly wilting along with her. It's also a pain for me, Li Meiling, to watch one of her bestest friends in the world sit there looking like the dead and muttering crazily as if she were insane.  
  
But then again, she_ is_.  
  
After all this, I sit and think about my life. How I cried my heart out and my eyes dry for my childhood love when he was taken away from me. I was only seven then. I was playing 'house' with my beloved cousin Li Syaoran. Of course, I had forced him into playing with me. So, I was the mommy and he was the daddy. My stuffed duck was our kid and we named it Ducky. We were playing at Penguin Park; having just moved to Japan we found it rather exciting there. But no, a big bad boy at the age of nine had to come and steal Ducky, threatening to bury him in the sandbox.  
  
So, naturally I cried.  
  
But, Syaoran was such a hero and stood up to the big, bad nine year old and even beat the living daylights out of the other boy. And so, I got Ducky back and eversince then, I fell in love with my Xiao Lang.  
  
Yet, after a week in Japan we were starting second grade at the local elementary school. That was when Syaoran met _her_. I hated her with the deepest passion possible. Everytime Syaoran would smile at something she said, I would jump up and yank him away. Funny, I thought holding him back would do the trick. But even though he was in my arms, I had still lost him. It was obvious.  
  
Day and night, he talked about her. It was always her.  
  
So, naturally I cried.  
  
But now, a decade or so later, I scold myself for wasting so many tears on such stupid things. My tears of stubbornness and immatureness seem so utterly wasted as I lay my eyes upon her, Sakura. I shiver as I stare at the white walls and the equally ghost-like bed sheets of the hospital. She is now part of the room's decor. Blending in perfectly with the white, her pale skin as white as virgin snow, her eyes a dull and dead grass green.   
  
I suck in a shaky breath, knowing the tears are threatening to spill once more from my already puffy red eyes. I blink in rapid motion as I glanced sadly at the figure sitting next to the nearly lifeless girl we once knew. There sat my seven-year-old crush, his face buried in his hands, his hair a ruffled mess.  
  
The sight is too much for me, watching him slowly wilt away day by day by her side. I turn away from the scene, swallowing hard as I walked away from Room 175. My steps are slow and soft, not wanting to destroy the eerie silence of the hospital. As I walk, I feel something beneath my worn runners. I frown in agitation, knowing it was probably gum.  
  
Yet as I lifted my heel from the tiled floor, a flattened paper star met my tired eyes. A ghost of a smile met my lips as I bent down to pick it up, but stopped when I heard a soft, strained voice call out.  
  
"You just have to pinch the corners," the voice said.  
  
I turned around, meeting the lifeless eyes of my once good friend. I smile at her, wanting her to show some kind of recognition of who I was. But no, she was simply focused on the paper star at my feet. I picked it up, holding it carefully in my palm. Who knew Li Meiling could be so gentle?  
  
"When you pinch the corners of it, it'll puff up again," her voice said in an unchanging tone. "Paper...paper, paper, paper..."  
  
I felt my lip tremble as she continued to repeat the word. I felt one tear fall as I watched Syaoran dig into his pockets and pull out a package of special paper designed to make paper stars. He gave me a reassuring look, telling me not to worry and that I should go back to the apartment and rest for the night. Syaoran is such a nice boy. Responsible and a warrior. Yes, he is a warrior.  
  
As he hands the package of paper to Sakura, I know that he is not giving up on her yet. He will continue to fight, until he gets his Ying Fa back.  
  
  


*

  
  
  
-Touya's Point of View-  
  
  
  
As I proceed down the empty hall, with seemingly never-ending doors, I close my fatigue-filled eyes. Running a hand through my hair, I stop walking, just listening to my own heart beat and the silence around me. Strange, everytime I do close my eyes, I can imagine the little kaijuu all lively and genki (cheerful). I open my eyes, looking at my feet idly. They hadn't been stomped on in a long time.  
  
I had visited her today. The gaki was there like usual. I have to say I'm impressed. The gaki seems to really...care. And that chinese girl, she simply stands outside the room looking at my sister and the gaki with teary eyes.   
  
Oh, you really are a kaijuu Sakura. Causing all of us to be in so much pain.  
  
But no, we can't blame you...in fact, I have a strange suspicion that we should be thanking you. All of us. I will not know why though, if only you would wake up and tell us the whole story. I'd be willing to listen. I'd never give too much time in my day to listen to you. But I regret. You can stomp on my feet all you want. In fact, I'll be ridiculously happy if you will.  
  
You can shout and stomp and run around when you're late for school. I would even be proud of you for being late.  
  
Kaijuu...Sakura, wake up and tell us why this has happened to you. We know the source of it, but what was it that caused you to hide it from us. You would always tell one us if you had trouble, a problem...what was it that caused you to not turn to the people that love and care about you?  
  
Damn it Sakura. When you come back to us, which I know you will, you will tell us everything and we'll all be able to carry your pain with you.  
  
You won't be alone.  
  
  


*

  
  
  
-Syaoran's Point of View-  
  
  
  
The package of paper contains many colours. I watch her carefully as she slowly turns it over and over, looking at the package at all angles. I wonder what she is thinking right now. I want to know. I want to help her.  
  
Isn't it all my fault that she is like this?  
  
Yes, I think it is. But I can't let guilt and regret swallow me now, not when I know I can save Sakura. I will. That is my promise to her. I will make her get well, no matter how long I have to stay in this eerie cold room. But it is not cold, not when Sakura is in this room. She brings warmth, even if she is in the state she is in now. I wonder if I should try speaking to her. The doctor said it would be a good idea. To try to bring her back to reality.  
  
But sometimes, when I speak to her, she'll grab my arm and turn to me so quickly that I would end up dreaming of those wide green eyes for a whole week. She'll start muttering and crying, her fragile body shaking. "You have to run away, fast," she'll say. "He'll come soon. Then he'll think bad. And then you'll die too. Then I'll be a murderer again. Go, go, go...fly..."  
  
And then I can only nod and reassure her that I will fly away as far as possible and she'll nod, satisfied, and go back to her usual state of silence. Sometimes, when I don't say that I am Li Syaoran, she'll stare at me blankly and offer me a strip of star paper. She'll even gave me a faint smile, though her eyes seem faraway. "Make stars. Okaa-san (mother) taught me how."  
  
Then I would nod and take the paper from her and fold a perfect little star. She doesn't know though, for she is once again lost in her own little world and is once again content with staring at the tiny cracks in the walls of the room. I sigh, but not in defeat. Today was a failure, but there was always tomorrow.   
  
Today, it is just like any other day. She sits and is content with making another jar of paper stars. She has made dozens, and dozens of them. They fill the room, the drawers, adding colour to the blank room. But still, it is blank to me. When her eyes can spark with life again, that will be the day I see colour once again.   
  
So you may wonder, why I'm even wasting time on something that may never happen. But this is my dream, to be with Sakura for life. In whatever shape, size, form, situation- Sakura is still my Sakura. One may just think she is an insane teenager, walking by her and mumbling, "It sucks to be you." But, Sakura is still the Sakura I met in second grade. The girl who became my bestest friend, stood by me even if I was a total idiot.  
  
She'll be my one and only for this lifetime.  
  
If only I hadn't left, if only I had realized sooner.  
  
I could have helped her. But I was too stupid. Too late. I was blind. And I feel the guilt bite away at me with every paper star she folds. But like I said before, I will not let guilt swallow me. Not when Sakura still needs me to pull her out of insanity's mouth. She still has me. She still has her family and friends. We'll help her through this, we'll let her see how beautiful reality is.  
  
Yet, one thing will always bug me. It'll always nag at me whenever I lay awake in bed, or in the chair by Sakura's bedside. I realize that I'll never know Sakura's story. Her whole story. What she really felt, and what was going on. What lead her to this world away from all the people that loved her? But I'll never get to know it all, unless she wakes up.  
  
How many days will that be? How many years will it take? But I don't care, I'll spend every day, every year, as if it were a second. As long as I can help my cherry blossom bloom again.  
  
I turn to look at her beautiful smooth fingers expertly finish another paper star. It was made from shiny green paper. She stared at it for a moment before turning to me, tilting her head slightly and offering the star to me. I reach for the star, wrapping my fingers around its tiny shape. And then she grasped my fingers. I jumped in shock. She had never done that before. And when I say that, I mean before she fell into this state.  
  
I take this sign of movement as a good thing. I smile broadly. "Sakura?"  
  
She's still clutching onto my hand. I see that she doesn't care that we're crushing the paper star in our grasp. She looks up at me, examining me to see if I was a friend or foe. Finally, she drops her gaze and I know that she knows I'm not going to hurt her. Sakura let go of my hand, taking the crushed paper star with her.  
  
She holds it in her palm calmly and looks up at me again. She opens her mouth, and I wonder what she will start saying again. Will she keep on asking for paper? Will she keep on muttering 'murderer' for who knows what reason? I can hear it already, the only phrases and words she has spoken eversince she has entered the hospital. But then, she clears her throat, and I immediately look at her in surprise.  
  
She hadn't done that before.  
  
I continue to watch her every movement, until she turned away and looked out the window. I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. What had I been expecting? Her to begin some weird speech and tell me that the past few weeks had just been a dream? Of course not...what was I thinking?  
  
"Okaa-san was the one who taught me how to make paper stars," I hear her voice say.  
  
That phrase she has spoken before. I feel my hope sink lower.  
  
"But I don't remember her teaching me. She must've taught me when I was three, before she passed away. I've remembered how eversince, and I'll make them when I'm feeling lonely."  
  
I swallow hard. Sakura had spoken. A new phrase. A sentence. A meaningful sentence. I walk closer to her, but she looks over her shoulder and stares at me with a sad face. I wonder why she is looking so sad, for I am feeling insanely happy that she had spoken something out of the ordinary.  
  
"It was spring then, the cherry blossoms were blooming once more and the air fresh and new," she spoke softly. "And I was turning sixteen."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
AN: Oooh is Sakura actually talking and not speaking nonsense? Anyways, Chapter One= extremely short and brief. It's just to let you have a taste of what's going on. And now, Chapter Two will go back before Sakura ended up where she is now. It will be written in Sakura's point of view =) R+R because it'll...make me happy...and that is a good thing...ehehehehe.  
  
  
  
  



	2. Chimera

  
  
  
  
AN: Eeee, arigatou minna-san for the luffly, incredible reviews =) *bounces around in joy* But first of all, I hope you all did read the warning from the last chapter X_x Other than that, I have nuffin more to say, so carry on and R+R ^^  
  
Disclaimer: CCS doesn't belong to me, it belongs to CLAMP =(  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Paper Stars  
Chapter Two: Chimera

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Like I said, it was spring and I was turning sixteen when it all happened. I don't know why I had let it happen, I don't know why I didn't see it coming. But turning sixteen wasn't really the beginning of the end. It was earlier than that. Much earlier.   
  
In fact, I was only seven.  
  
  


*

  
  
I grabbed my pencil case from my desk, shoving it into my small pink bag before running downstairs with a wide grin plastered on my small, round face. I hurried into the kitchen, smelling the sweet aroma of freshly made pancakes. This was a typical morning in the Kinomoto household. I wondered where my stupid, annoying brother was. If I wasn't careful, he might jump out at me and wave a plastic spider in my face. Though he's done that many times, I still get tricked every single time he does it.  
  
"Ohayo otou-san!" I greeted cheerfully as I plopped myself into my seat opposite of my onii-chan. He was already sitting there with a smirk on his face, as if he knew something I didn't. I stuck my tongue out at him and mumbled, "Ohayo onii-chan."  
  
He grunts in reply, sticking his fork into his sausage before smirking at me with that scary gleam in his eyes. "Kaijuu, you're early."  
  
"I'm not a kaijuu!!" I growled, wanting to cry, but suddenly beamed with pride. "Hai! I'm early! I used the beepy clock today! Otou-san taught me how to use it! Do you know how to use beepy clocks? I betcha don't!"  
  
Touya Kinomoto, my brother, choked on his sausage and starting laughing. "Ha! Beepy clocks! They're called alarm clocks you dumb kaijuu."  
  
I frowned, biting my bottom lip and shooting daggers at my stupid onii-chan. "Mou! Alarm clock or whatever, it still beeps!"  
  
"Children, please, that's enough," my daddy's calm voice said in amusement. "If you two don't stop bickering you'll both be late for school."  
  
Touya gave me another satisfied look and said haughtily, "I don't have to get otou-san to drive me to school, I can bike to school, unlike you who has to go in the car. I guess bikes can't stand the weight of a kaijuu."  
  
"Onii-chan!!" I growled and slammed my foot onto his from beneath the dining table. I gave a satisfied grin as he howled in pain, causing otou-san to give us both stern looks before taking a bite from his perfectly round pancake. When I grew up, I was going to make pancakes just like otou-san! Perfect and round! That would show onii-chan that I'm was not a stupid, evil, worthless--  
  
"Well, I'm going," Touya pushed back his chair and stretched in his baggy t-shirt. "Ja, otou-san."  
  
"Be careful," Fujitaka reminded.  
  
I stuffed my last pancake into my mouth and left half of my sausage on my plate. "I want to go with onii-chan too! I want to bike! Can I, otou-san?"  
  
"Later, Sakura-chan," Daddy answered as he stacked my plate on top of Touya's. "You don't know how to bike and you have to get to school. You can get Touya-kun to teach you after school."  
  
"Demo, he'll never want to teach me! Plus, he's always with his friends after school," I pouted, looking hopeful at my daddy, but he still shook his head and ruffled my already messy auburn hair.  
  
"Go get your shoes on and I'll be at the door in a minute," he said and hurried into the kitchen with the breakfast plates.  
  
I could hear him dump them into the sink and turn on the tap as I marched towards the front door. Oh well, I thought, I'll learn someday and I'll race onii-chan to school and beat him! The image brought another huge smile to my face as I bent down to put on my sneakers. I didn't like shoelaces, but everyone had shoelaces on their shoes...I would rather have velcro straps but no body seemed to wear them.  
  
"Hayaku otou-san!! I want to go to school and tell Tomoyo-chan about my beepy clock!" I called out impatiently as I saw my daddy come around the corner with his jacket in one hand. I opened the door as he put on his leather shoes. "Tomoyo-chan says her okaa-san got her a special box! It shoots light out when you press a button!" I told my daddy in excitement as we walked towards the car.  
  
"Oh? A box that shoots out light?" My daddy mused and chuckled. "I think you mean a camera, Sakura-chan."  
  
I repeated the word in my head and smiled as I got into the backseat. "Ca-mee-ra..."  
  
The ride to school would always take three minutes. I wondered how long it would take onii-chan to get to his school right next to mine. He's already in his second year of high school (ninth grade), and he tells me that they have things called lockers and if you don't ask them politely before you open them, they'll eat you right up. I really don't want to go to high school. It sounds very dangerous.  
  
But that's far away, I'm only in second grade, attending Tomoeda Elementary School. I didn't have to worry anytime soon...  
  
"Sakura-chan?"  
  
"Hoe?" I blinked confusedly at my daddy.  
  
He smiled at me, "We're here. Daydreaming, are we?"  
  
I blushed and shook my head, "Iie! I was thinking! You told me thinking was a good thing."  
  
"It is, it is," Fujitaka replied and nodded his head towards the school. "Hurry up now Sakura-chan, you'll be late before you know it."  
  
"Hai, hai, ja otou-san!" I waved as I hopped out of the car and watched it drive out of sight. I dropped my hand and ran into the school building, frantic that I could very well be late. As I rounded the corner of the hall, I felt something squishy come right at me, causing me to fall back and drop my lunch bag. "HOE!!!"  
  
"Argh!" I heard another voice mutter as I got up, peering curiously at the fallen figure in front of me. At last, the figure got up and looked at me with the same curiosity in his wide brown eyes. I blinked and he blinked, and we blinked together.  
  
"Gomen-nasai!" I apologized and stopped the blinking contest. "I didn't watch where I was going."  
  
The boy with the brown eyes and messy brown hair scratched his head as if not knowing what to say. "Er, um, oh. Whatever. It's ok," he finally managed to say and hurriedly picked up a scrap of paper on the ground.  
  
I looked at it curiously, "Neh? You don't look familiar, are you new?"  
  
The boy seemed to be reading whatever was on that paper with deep concentration as he peered at the long hallway we were standing in. "Uh, yeah," he mumbled and looked at the paper again.  
  
I smiled and took the paper from him, scanning it quickly. "Oh! You're in the same class as me! What are you doing in this hallway?"  
  
The boy frowned, "Why are you in this hallway then?"  
  
"I just came in," I explained cheerfully and glanced at the clock, "Hoee!!! We better hurry or else we'll be late! And you're new, you won't want Miss Aihara to think your a bad kid just because you're late for your first day here."  
  
The boy simply nodded as I turned around to continue down the hallway. I was humming a tune Touya always played on the piano at home until I heard a squeal and an 'oof' come from behind me. Turning around, I saw the boy sprawled on the ground again, but this time a girl was on his back and looking like she was ready to murder. "Hoee!! Who are you?!"  
  
The girl seemed to finally notice me as she glanced up with fiery red eyes. I stepped back in fright because she really did look mean.  
  
"Who are you!?" The girl demanded and jumped off the poor boy's back and walked right up to me. "Were you doing anything to my Xiao Lang?!"  
  
"Whaaa?" I was very confused and the girl seemed to not notice my confusion. "I...I was just going to show him where our classroom is. He was lost, I think, and--"  
  
The girl crossed her arms, her pigtails swinging wildly. "Xiao Lang wouldn't get lost! He's smart! And we don't need your help to find a silly classroom! That's as easy as twelve times six!"  
  
I listened in awe, "Sugoi!! You know what twelve times six is?"  
  
The girl backed up and looked smug, "Of course! Don't you know what the answer is?"  
  
"...No," I mumbled but hastily added, "Demo, I know how to do kart wheels!"  
  
The girl rolled her eyes, "So can I."  
  
"Oh..."  
  
"Meiling, let's go, we'll be late," the boy muttered and walked on ahead. He turned to look over his shoulder, "Um, we walk this way right?"  
  
I nodded and smiled, "Hai, we better hur--"  
  
Just then the bell rang, causing all three of us to jump up in shock and scurry down the hallway as fast as our feet could carry us. Somehow, without me leading the way, we still ended up in the right classroom with Miss Aihara looking at us strangely.  
  
"Kinomoto, you're late."  
  
I bowed my head sadly and hurried to my seat next to Tomoyo who was looking at me worriedly. As I sat down, she leaned over and whispered, "What happened Sakura-chan? Who are those people?" She looked at the boy and girl questioningly, and then back at me.  
  
I shook my head, not knowing either. "The girl is kinda scary," I uttered and smiled," but the boy is ok. He just seems kind of...shy."  
  
Tomoyo nodded as Miss Aihara wrote something down in her notebook. She always wrote stuff in her notebook and we never knew what she wrote. I suspected that she was writing about me being late again. Pooey, I was _so_ sure I would've been on time today too! I sighed and dropped my bag at my feet.  
  
"Class, settle down as I introduce our two new students from Hong Kong," Miss Aihara announced as she stood up from her desk, waving a hand towards the boy and the girl. The boy concentrated at the back wall of the classroom while the girl simply hung onto his arm. "Li Syaoran, and Li Meiling."  
  
"Eh? Are they related?" Tomoyo whispered.  
  
I shrugged and replied, "Let's go ask later!"  
  
Tomoyo nodded in agreement as the boy, Li Syaoran, and the girl, Li Meiling, took their seats. It took me a while to realize that the boy sat right behind me and the girl sat behind Tomoyo. I turned around in my seat, causing the boy to jump up slightly.  
  
"Gomen, I just wanted to offer to show you around the school at lunch," I said sheepishly and watched his eyes dart from my bangs to my eyes. He looked thoughtful before finally nodding.  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Mou! Xiao Lang! What did that girl just say to you?!" The girl named Meiling cried out loudly, causing the whole class to turn to her in surprise. She blushed and sank lower into her seat. "Sorry..."  
  
Miss Aihara nodded awkwardly and told us to take out our math exercise books. I didn't like math, numbers were like a foreign language to me. Plus, math first thing in the morning was even worse! I let a groan escape my lips as we all flipped to page 56. It was a review page for all the addition and subtraction we had been doing for the past week. I let out a sigh of relief. At least it wasn't problem solving.  
  
"This is easy," I heard Meiling-chan declare quite loudly.  
  
Math was the slowest class of all that day. But finally, after Japanese and Spelling, the lunch bell rang. I cheered and picked up my lunch bag, turning around to see Li Syaoran doing the same. He pulled out a green case and a pair of chopsticks until he noticed me watching him. "Nani?"  
  
"Oh, nothing! I was wondering if you're ready to go yet," I smiled brightly and looked at Tomoyo who was persuading Meiling-chan to come eat lunch with us. She seemed to agree very reluctantly, but I was determined to befriend her for some odd reason.  
  
"Let's go eat outside!" I suggested as we hurried down the hall. "I know the best spot where the grass isn't too wet so we can sit there all we want without getting grass stains!"  
  
They all followed me until we reach a nice flat spot of endless green grass. I hurried towards a spot under a tree and waved for the others to come and join me. Tomoyo was the fastest as Li-kun and Meiling-chan slinked behind. I heard Meiling mutter, "Do we have to eat lunch with them?", but I pretended I didn't hear.  
  
"After lunch we can show you the playground," I said as I opened my lunch box.  
  
Tomoyo shuffled through her lunch bag, pulling out something along with her lunch. "Sakura-chan! Remember I told you about the box with shooting light?! I brought it with me to school today!"  
  
I was immediately interested as I quickly asked, "Honto ne?! Can we see it?"  
  
Meiling raised an eyebrow, "A box with shooting light?"  
  
Tomoyo looked impish and brought out a tiny box with strange windows and buttons. "My mommy said it was called a--"  
  
"Camera!" I finished and grinned, "So what does it do Tomoyo?"  
  
"I think if I press this button," Tomoyo placed her index finger on a small red button, "the light will come out and...um..."  
  
"It's a camera where you take photos of people or things."  
  
The three of us looked at Li-kun. "Hoe?"  
  
He blinked in return and shrugged, "You know, photos. Pictures."  
  
"Oooh...sugoi!!" I clapped my hands together and jumped in front of the camera. "Take a picture Tomoyo! And Li-kun, Meiling-chan, you guys can be in the picture too! And later we can swap so Tomoyo can be in a picture also!"  
  
Tomoyo seemed as excited as me, but Li-kun and Meiling-chan seemed rather reluctant once again. I shook my head and grabbed them by the hand, pulling them in front of the camera. Yet they came at such a fast rate that I tumbled, causing them to trip over me and landing half on top of me and half on the grass just as a flash of light blinded me.  
  
"Gomen!" We all blurted at the same time, with Tomoyo giggling in the background and Li-kun blushing for no reason at all.  
  
"Sakura-chan, I think we can take more pictures later. We have to show them around the school," Tomoyo reminded me and I nodded, getting up but tripping again.  
  
I looked down at my feet and groaned in dismay. My shoelaces were untied and that was one of the things I hated most about shoelaces. They would...untie themselves somehow. Well, no...to tell you the truth, the reason that I really did dislike shoelaces was because I didn't know how to tie them. I never wanted to tell anyone because onii-chan would probably laugh and everyone else too...  
  
"Um, do you need help?"  
  
I looked up to see those big brown eyes again and blushed, looking back down at my dirt-stained laces. "Um, I'm ok," I replied and attempted to tie my right shoe. I ended up with a knot of some sort, but at least it wasn't untied anymore!   
  
With my right shoe done, I reached for my left shoe just as another pair of hands came down and expertly tied the lace in a perfect little bow, just like how otou-san and onii-chan's laces looked like. "You have to...tie it like this...and then loop it over there, and then tug it."  
  
I looked up and watched Li-kun untie my right shoe and do another bow in slower motion. I nodded in understanding and smiled broadly, "Arigatou Li-kun!"  
  
He seemed to turn pink as he stood back up and stuffed his hands into his khakis. "No problem..."  
  
I was very, very happy though. Otou-san had taught me how to tie my shoelace many times, but I just pretended to know how because I didn't want to look stupid, especially with Touya around. I was too embarrassed to ask anyone else to teach me because everyone seemed to know how. Demo (but), Li-kun was the first person to voluntarily teach me and I knew, that no matter how shy or silent he seemed, he was a good person and he was going to be one of my good friends.  
  
Yep, I simply knew it.  
  
"Xiao Lang! Why are you helping her with her shoelace! She's not a baby!!" Meiling complained and snatched onto Li-kun's arm, pulling him towards the direction Tomoyo was in. "You never taught me how to tie my shoelace--"  
  
Their voices trailed off as they got farther away, but I was still smiling at the back of Li Syaoran's head. I giggled and ran to catch up with them, knowing that if my shoelace were to untie itself again, I would know how to get it all tied up again.  
  
And that was how I met one of the most important people in my life, Li Syaoran.  
  
  


*

  
  
  
That was a long time ago though. Almost a decade, but I remember it as if it were yesterday. Li Syaoran became one of my best friends, as good as Tomoyo. Meiling was very rude and mean for the whole first month and a half, but something seemed to slowly change and she grew quieter and quieter by the day. In fact, she seemed very sad, and I would try to make her smile, but she would look away and grumble.  
  
But that was the past, and now Li Syaoran and Li Meiling are gone. What does gone mean? Well, it means that they aren't here anymore. I don't get to see their smiles everyday, nor do I get to hear their laughter. I don't get to share their accomplishments, nor do I get to carry their pains.  
  
They moved back to Hong Kong, when we were in sixth grade and only eleven. Those were one of the most heartbreaking days for me. It was hard, and it was painful. Meiling had become a wonderful friend, a friend who would tell me to never give up on anything. She would call me a dummy if I cried, so I wouldn't cry and would simply wave and tell her to write me when she got to Hong Kong.  
  
And then there was parting with Li-kun. Syaoran-kun. Shaoran. Through the years, we had gone through many stages of friendship. I sometimes use the names I call him to distinguish the different stages. Li-kun, the basic, first step into the world of friendship. That time, he was still quite a quiet little boy, sometimes rude and cold to those that annoyed him. But of course, he was always kind and helpful towards me.  
  
If I would fall, he would catch me.   
  
Syaoran-kun. It took a while for him to let me call him by that name. Supposedly only his family members got to call him Syaoran-kun, but I suppose we were getting as close as family. How old was I then? I think I was eight, turning nine. I had a party at Penguin Park, with all my friends from school, and to me, that was a big deal. Naturally, being kids, we played hide-and-go-seek in the forest nearby the park. I guess I was either senseless or just plain stupid, but I went much too far and out of the boundaries Touya had made. After a while, no one came to find me.  
  
That was when I heard his voice shouting above the chirping birds. But he didn't call me Kinomoto. No he didn't. He called me Sakura-chan with this frantic ring in his usually calm and composed voice. So I yelled back, and something else just seemed to dawn on me.  
  
If I were to ever get lost, he would find me.  
  
And finally, there was the faze of Shaoran. Well, that name didn't last that long. Even though I say with each name I had for Syaoran, means a different section of our internal friendship, Shaoran was the name I called him the day he left. Technically, I only got to call him that for one day. One day can't be a whole section of a friendship running for four years right? Well, strangely, it felt that way. That day he left, it felt like a whole new chapter.  
  
It was 10:00 in the morning, and we were all in the airport. Tomoyo had a purse full of tissue ready for our use. Yes, Tomoyo was very prepared; with scented every colored tissue. But...I didn't use any of the tissue she brought. I didn't cry, but it was something more than crying. Syaoran had been...my other half through the years. The one who really was my pillar to lean on. My father told me that if you could find a friend like that in your entire lifetime, consider yourself extremely lucky.  
  
And I found that friend. That friend was Li Syaoran. As his parting gift, I gave him a jar of paper stars, green ones. I don't know if I told him at that time or not, but I had written a little message in every star I made. A little something that he could remember our friendship with. And he, being my ichiban friend for many years, also gave me a jar of paper stars. Pink ones.  
  
And you know what? He had written little messages in his too. But he didn't tell me, yet somehow I knew. When I think about it, it's rather scary. How close we were that we would know each other's habits, actions, and simply everything. And so it dawned on me:  
  
If I were to die, he would die with me.  
  
Extreme, yes? But at that particular moment when he was to leave my life forever, anything could come out of a eleven year old's mouth. And so, we decided that if Sakura Kinomoto was to live on earth for one day, Li Syaoran would too. If Sakura Kinomoto was to die that very day, Li Syaoran would too.  
  
But all this can be summed up to just one simple phrase.  
  
Best friends forever, Sakura and Syaoran.  
  
Yet, let's fast forward to sixteen year old me. Now, let's do the math. The last time I had seen Li Syaoran in flesh was around five years ago. Five slow years. Five slow years of what?  
  
Of nothing.  
  
Li Syaoran simply vanished. No phone calls, no letters. No birthday presents, no Syaoran. Every letter I wrote, I got nothing but a mere dream that he would answer me someday. Every dream I had of him was of one where he returned and we would hit it off as if he had never left Tomoeda, Japan at all. But everything wasn't reality. Reality wasn't as pleasant as my fantasies. And so I fantasized.  
  
But I slowly fell depressed when my fantasies faltered and faded. I would be genki for my friends because they would worry, especially Tomoyo. Tomyo and I became the closest friends possible ever since Syaoran decided to run away and have nothing to do with me. She was a sister to me, literally. She was the only one I would sometimes show my depression to. Yet, living life as if I were acting in a movie everyday began to take its toll on me.  
  
I would have mood swings, not really knowing what I really felt anymore. Why did Syaoran's departure effect me so deeply? I didn't know what that feeling was. But after a while, I remembered something Syaoran told me before he left. When he would come back to Tomoeda, he expected to see a genki, normal, Kinomoto Sakura. The Kinomoto Sakura he knew.  
  
I was thirteen when I finally came to my senses. Why was I wasting precious days and precious time mulling and sulking? I would make use of my life, I would be happy, and when Syaoran comes back, my fantasies will come true. The present was the present and the future would eventually come.  
  
So I lived everyday as if I would die tomorrow. But of course, I would slack off now and then, just like any normal teenager. I learned how to make pancakes, perfect and round just like otou-san. I learned how to bike but realized that biking wasn't my thing; roller-blading was. I continued to make jars of paper stars when I felt lonely or simply bored on a Sunday afternoon.  
  
I was a happy, healthy, normal girl. Sometimes I would even forget about Syaoran's departure. I had crushes, I went to movies, I did homework, I groaned at chores, I was me.  
  
Isn't that normal enough? At first I was a pre-teen sulking over her bestest friend ever, finally realizing that I was being silly. Then came the Sakura who started finding who she was. But when I met _him_, I thought it would be a normal, healthy relationship.  
  
I had the feelings for him, I had the daydreams and occasional dreams with his presence among them. It was very, truly,_ real_. No more dreams, no more fantasies, because I had met my dream boyfriend.  
  
Except I would have never known that I would rather dwell in my fantasies then live in the world of reality. I never knew that I would run away from the world I knew, not by choice, but by one simple big mistake.  
  
So now you're going, what happened? What's the big mistake?  
  
Well, let me tell you. My biggest mistake in my lifetime?  
  
To have smiled at a certain boy who began all my nightmares that took over my fantasies.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
AN: Hm, this is only the second chapter so obviously we're all still confused and everything ^^|| This chapter was to let you get a feel of what Sakura was like before uh, she met that certain boy. So who's this boy? Not Syaoran. Our dear Syaoran wouldn't be so evil to our dear Sakura...yesh yesh...Syaoran's the hero not z villain moohahahahahaha....hopefully I haven't lost you all already. Bah, stay with me! Stayyyy. Gah, I'm in a really weird mood. Getting high on tea ^o^!! Erm, yesh, I will go and calm meself now. Ta ta, R+R thankies =)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. Stepping

  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: CCS doesn't belong to me, it belongs to CLAMP =(  
  
  
  
  
  


Paper Stars  
Chapter Three: Stepping

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
It was a wet, soggy, spring morning. The rain clouds laid grey and thick over the little town of Tomoeda, drenching the cherry blossom trees that weren't in full bloom yet. Such a pity, I thought. What if the rain made the petals fall and it'd have to take twice as long to bloom? But that wasn't my biggest worry at the moment. I was clutching onto a notebook filled with my Chemistry notes. This was what I wanted to do today: to successfully get through my chapter test and past it with flying colours.  
  
I threw the notebook onto my unmade bed, jumping in front of the mirror and taking my brush to comb out my shoulder-length hair. I stood there for a good two minutes and finally decided to leave it down for today. It did seem cold and I didn't want the back of my neck to feel cool against the morning air. As I ran to my closet to get my white knee-high socks, Touya's voice came calling from across the hall.  
  
"Kaijuu, you've got five minutes to eat breakfast and get to school!"  
  
I yanked on my sock a bit too hard, causing my toe to break through the fabric. "Hoeee," I sweatdropped, grabbing my notebook and bag, not minding the sock. "Onii-chan!! Don't rush me! Five minutes is fine...after all it's 300 seconds."  
  
Onii-chan's head came poking out from behind my door, shaking his head as he muttered, "If you hurry I can drive you."  
  
"Eh? Where's otou-san?" I asked while shoving my notebook into my bag and walking towards the door.  
  
He stepped back to let me out, following me downstairs to the kitchen table before answering, "Meeting at the university."  
  
I nodded and grabbed some toast from the table and hurriedly added some strawberry jam in big blotches. I frowned at the jam, wondering why it was all clumpy but decided that I really did have to hurry if I didn't want to be late. "Okay! Let's go!" I declared as I stuffed the toast in whole and darted towards the door to put on my shoes. "Grab an umbrella, okay?"  
  
"Doushite (why)?" Touya questioned as he opened the closet to get his jacket.  
  
"Because! I'm going to walk home since I have volleyball practice after school," I replied and opened the door. "Hayaku you slow bum."  
  
"The only reason I'm slow is because I'm trying to find your umbrella," Touya's muffled voice said as he rummaged through the closet and finally pulled out a pastel pink umbrella. "Take it, kaijuu."  
  
I smiled and ran after him towards the red sports car he drove. I got into the seat next to him as he started the car, the rain pelting down on the windows in quick succession. I really didn't like rainy days. They were so depressing and gloomy. Rainy days were always 'hard to get up' days, I don't see how Tomoyo-chan likes rain. The radio was going on about the weather, saying it would rain all of today and tomorrow. "Mou, why does it have to rain..."  
  
"So that the world doesn't go dry and shrivel up," Touya muttered as he turned the car.  
  
I pouted and watched the scenery go by in a blur of grey. Touya pulled up at Seijou High all too soon and I reluctantly opened the car door to get out. "Hoeee...wish me luck on my test," I mumbled miserably.  
  
He made a face at me and snickered, "Good luck to you that you don't end up eating the test paper," he paused and made another face. "Kaijuu."  
  
"Mou!! Onii-chan!!" I wanted to yell something back at him but he had already reached across to close the car door and was already driving off on the soaked pavement. I made a face at the slowly disappearing car and opened my umbrella. "Stupid onii-chan...I'm not a kaijuu..."  
  
"Sakura-chan!!"  
  
I turned around and saw a limousine parked behind me. I jumped back in surprise as I heard the familiar giggling of my best friend, Tomoyo Daidouji. She stepped out of the limousine followed by five of her bodyguards. "Ohayo Sakura-chan!"  
  
I smiled and greeted my friend cheerfully, but looked pointedly at the bodyguards. "They still have to follow you to school?"  
  
Tomoyo nodded sadly, "Hai...okaa-san is worried I might get abducted or something! She's very overprotective sometimes."  
  
"Eh, Tomoyo-chan you didn't bring an umbrella?! Hoe!! You'll get all wet," I cried in alarm as I shifted my umbrella so it was over both of us.  
  
Tomoyo giggled once more, "Daijoubu Sakura-chan! I like the rain, remember? Let's go before we miss homeroom and then our chemistry test!"  
  
I nodded as we hurried into the building. I shook my umbrella dry before closing it completely, brushing off a weed that somehow had gotten into my hair. "Hoeee I don't think I'm ready Tomoyo-chan!"  
  
"You'll do fine, you always do!" Tomoyo assured as we passed by rows of lockers. "Well...except for math occasionally. Demo, everything else is fine for the kawaii Sakura-chan!"  
  
I blushed as we entered homeroom, waving to our other friends that were also in the same homeroom as us. "Ohayo Naoko-chan! Chiharu-chan!"  
  
"Oh! Sakura-chan, Tomoyo-chan! Are you guys ready for the test?" Chiharu was gripping onto her textbook in panic. Naoko swatted her playfully and shook her head in disbelief.  
  
"Chiharu-chan, you know you'll do fine! Stop worrying, you've been digging your nails into your poor textbook for the entire morning."  
  
Tomoyo sat down in her seat and smiled at me, "See Sakura-chan! You're not the only one worried. You'll do fine."  
  
"I know...but I think I forgot everything after spring break," I sighed as I sank into my seat next to Tomoyo's. "Demo! Let's think on the bright side, after this test we won't have another one until...erm..."  
  
"Next week probably," Chiharu groaned. "You know what sensei is like."  
  
I giggled and glanced at the clock. Oh well, I might as well take the test in a happy, genki mood since I've got to take it no matter what...unless I skip class, but I won't do that. I'm a good little girl...   
  
As I got lost in my own silly thoughts, the class when silent as our homeroom teacher, Ina-sensei, came striding into the room. She always held that same leather briefcase filled with who knows what, and always the same pair of black high heels like clunked on the ground; even on carpet. I fiddled with an eraser bit on my desk, not really listening to today's announcements. All I heard was something about the sewing club meeting at lunch and all Gr.8's were to report to the auditorium; nothing to do with me.  
  
"And something not to do with the announcements for today! We have a new student that will be joining Seijou High today, and most importantly, he will be joining our homeroom class, 11-2," that caught my attention as I lifted my head slightly. "Please welcome Yori Nishio," Ina-sensei waved a hand at the classroom door which promptly opened.  
  
All heads turned towards the door as a male around 6'1" strolled into the room with a strange air around him. It wasn't exactly confidence...nor was it ignorance. It was more of a mysterious air that surrounded the teenaged boy. I glanced at his dark coffee brown hair and lean figure. He reminded me of somebody, but I wasn't very sure who...tentatively, I looked at his eyes which were a dark forest green. Just as I was about to look away, he turned and met my eyes. I jumped slightly in my seat, offering him a meek smile before hastily looking at my desk.  
  
"Konichiwa minna-san," his voice was smooth and gentle. He bowed slightly, a ghost of a smile on his lips. I looked around me and noticed that most of the girls were staring at him in awe and interest. I shook my head skeptically and glanced at Tomoyo, glad that she was looking at her nails instead of Nishio-kun.   
  
Ina-sensei nodded in acknowledgment while casting her eyes down at us. "Hmm...well, there's two empty seats. Why don't you take your pick, Nishio-kun? There's one empty one next to Chino-kun, and one in front of Eto-san," she paused as her eyes fell on me. "Oh, and one behind Kinomoto-san. May all three of you raise your hands?"  
  
I swallowed and raised my hand hesitantly. I watched him sweep the room with his dark, mysterious eyes and saw him finally land on my raised hand. I didn't know why, but I was rather nervous about him sitting behind me...  
  
"Hello, Kinomoto-san."  
  
I blinked and looked up, meeting those dark green eyes that caused a shiver to run down my spine. I blinked once more before finding my voice and replying, "Oh! He-ello..."  
  
He smiled and walked to the seat behind me, pulling back his chair and swinging his bag off his back. As I heard him settle down in his seat, I couldn't help but feel as if he could see through the back of my head. Ina-sensei continued to talk about welcoming Nishio-kun, and that we should voluntarily show him around the campus. Most of the females in the classroom looked at him hopefully. They might as well stick a piece of paper on their heads that say "Pick me".  
  
"Um...can you show me around Kinomoto-san?"  
  
I suppose I was imagining voices in my head...  
  
Until I heard the voice cough slightly and repeat, "Uh, Kinomoto-san?"  
  
I looked over my shoulder tentatively, catching Nishio-kun's gaze. "Hoe? Were you saying something to me?"  
  
He leaned over slightly, his elbows on the desk, his eyes scanning my face. "Hai, I was wondering if you could show me around campus. When you're free of course. But if you can't, I can--"  
  
"Oh! Um, sure! No problem," I answered lamely and laughed stiffly. "What's your schedule? I have a spare after Chemistry...or I could show you around at lunch if you're not free after Block A..." I trailed off and glanced at him. He simply nodded at everything I said. "Hoe?"  
  
"How about after Chemistry?"   
  
I stared and finally nodded, "Okay! I'll show you around after Chemistry. Hoe? You mean you have Chemistry after homeroom too?"  
  
Nishio-kun looked thoughtful before rummaging through his bag and pulling out a crumpled piece of paper. "Um...let me see..." his eyes darted back and forth across the page and he finally smiled. "Yep!"  
  
"Oooh you're lucky since you don't have to take the test!" I exclaimed with a tint of envy. "Neh, I wish I was new."  
  
"A test?" He repeated and smiled mysteriously. "I think I'm taking it."  
  
I blinked in confusion. "Nani? But you just came here! How will you know what it's about? Not to say you're stupid or anything, but what if you fail? That'll look bad on your report card and everything."  
  
He simply looked amused before turning back to look at Ina-sensei just as the bell rung, signaling the end of homeroom. "Well, may you do the honour of showing me where we take chem?"  
  
"Yeah, sure!" I smiled and looked over at Tomoyo-chan who was giggling and Chiharu-chan who was snickering...I frowned at their expressions but decided to brush it off. "And that's Tomoyo Daidouji, my best friend who giggles at everything," I introduced with furrowed eyebrows. "Then there's Chiharu-chan who's very nice...oh and there goes Naoko-chan, the girl with the glasses. I wonder why she's in such a hurry...hoe, she actually seems to _want_ to take the test..."  
  
Nishio-kun chuckled as he listened to me point out people walking by us. I pointed out another one of my friends, Rika-chan, who passed by with a wave. "She's very talented! She cooks as good as Tomoyo sings!"  
  
"Oh? Daidouji-san can sing? I would like to hear her someday," Nishio-kun commented and looked down at me for he was awfully taller than me. "How about you Kinomoto-san?"  
  
"Hoe? How about me what?" I queried.  
  
"What do you like to do?" He asked casually.  
  
I placed a finger under my chin in thought and smiled brightly, "I like to cook, but I'm not as good as Rika-chan...I like sports too! I'm in the cheerleading team and the volleyball team...I wanted to do basketball, but my onii-chan keeps on teasing me that I would get too boyish if you get what I mean."  
  
"Oh? You have an onii-chan?" Nishio-kun questioned in interest as we entered Tarumi-sensei's classroom.  
  
"Sadly, yes," I replied glumly and grinned. "Demo, he's not that bad I suppose."  
  
Nishio-kun looked distant for a moment before mumbling, "I wish I had siblings."  
  
"Nani?! Well, when you actually get one it's horror," I stated as I took a random seat. "Oh no, I'm starting to panic again."  
  
"Relax," he assured and offered a smile.   
  
Tarumi-sensei waited for all of us to settle down before handing out the test papers. I flipped through mine and groaned inwardly. Though it was just a chapter test, it was a pretty long one.   
  
"Eh? You must be the new student, Nishio Yori?" Tarumi-sensei's voice brought me back from my revere. I looked over at Nishio-kun who looked steadily back at sensei and nodded curtly.  
  
Tarumi-sensei nodded, "Then I guess you will be excused from this test."  
  
"Iie, I would like to take it," he declared calmly with no tint of worry in his voice. Everyone else in the class stared in shock at the new student, wondering what he was playing at.   
  
"Are you sure?" Tarumi-sensei looked unsurely at Nishio-kun who stared back at him unblinkingly.  
  
"Yes."  
  
Tarumi-sensei shrugged and handed him the test before moving on to the other desks. I looked at him with curious eyes. "What are you doing, Nishio-kun?" I whispered frantically.  
  
"A test," he replied shortly and smiled. "Good luck."  
  
I bit my lip and uttered, "Good luck to you too..."  
  
  


*

  
  
  
A week later, I woke up squinting in bed at the bright sunlight shining through my thin pink curtains. I groaned and rubbed the sleep from my eyes, slowly getting out of bed while slamming my left hand onto my alarm clock. Alarm clocks...one of my worst enemies. Sitting up, I glanced at my calendar...  
  
"HOE!!!!"  
  
"Kaijuu, what the hell are you doing?!" Touya's head came popping into my room, a towl draped on his shoulders.  
  
I glared at him but panic quickly washed over me as I jumped from one foot to the other. "Today we find out what we got on our chem test last week! Oooh I have a bad feeling about this..."  
  
Touya rolled his eyes at me and shook his head, "Geez, all that screaming for a test result? You almost made me fall down the stairs, squirt."  
  
"Onii-chan!!" I shook a fist at him. "If you do, that's your own fault for not knowing how to go down stairs properly. You hold onto the railing so you don't roll down, stupid onii-chan..." I grumbled and was about to say more when I realized he had already gone. "Mou..."  
  
Breakfast was a blur of stomping my onii-chan's foot and stuffing fried eggs into my mouth. I hastily skated off to school and into the building towards my locker. Did you know that onii-chan lied to me all those years about human-eating lockers? That annoying brother of mine...  
  
"Sakura-chan!!"  
  
I turned and smiled, waving at Tomoyo-chan who's eyes were dancing with a mischievous light. I looked at her suspiciously, "There's something going on in that head of yours Tomoyo..."  
  
"Ohohohoho, you know me too well Sakura-chan!" Tomoyo giggled and grabbed my arm. "I came extra early to visit Tarumi-sensei's class, and guess what?!"  
  
"Let me guess..." I pretended to be in deep thought before answering cheerfully, "You got perfect!"  
  
"Iie," Tomoyo replied, but she was still looking bright. "I got 99%!"  
  
"Sugoi!!!" I clapped my hands together and hurriedly stuffed my roller-blades into my locker. "Ohh! I need to go visit sensei too...I hope I passed..."  
  
Tomoyo's eyes twinkled as she said, "Oh, but you don't need to! I checked your mark too and you passed!"  
  
I let out a sigh of relief and suddenly was frantic once more. "Oh no! Did I barely pass? 60%? Or was it 70%? Oooh Tomoyo tell me!!"  
  
She giggled a bit more before finally declaring, "You got 89%!!"  
  
I stared, letting it sink in before my lips broke out into a wide grin. "Honto ne?! Hanyaann!!" I felt my stomach flutter with pride while I took out my math binder. "Otou-san's going to be happy! And onii-chan...HA! He thought I would end up eating the test paper, but noooo I passed! I passed, I passed, I passed!" I repeated in a sing-song voice. "To-mo-yoooo, I'm going to be extra genki today!"  
  
Tomoyo beamed, "And you're always extra kawaii when you're extra genki!"  
  
I blushed in embarrassment just as I felt a tap on my shoulder. Turning around, I met Nishio-kun's friendly gaze. "Ohayo Kinomoto-san."  
  
"Ohayo!" I greeted happily. I was practically radiating with happiness and relief. "You know what, Nishio-kun?! I passed my test! And I didn't barely pass either! Hoe," I suddenly remembered that Nishio-kun had also taken the test. "How did you do?"  
  
He smiled, handing what looked like the test paper to me. I took it from him curiously and glanced at the top right hand corner of the test. "HOEE!!!"  
  
"What is it Sakura-chan?" Tomoyo asked as she came to look over my shoulder. I could sense her eyes go wide as she also gasped.  
  
"Nishio-kun! You got 100%! Look!" I pointed at the score written in red-ink.  
  
He nodded sheepishly, "Yes, I know...I happen to have looked at it before you."  
  
I blushed but quickly shook it off, staring at him in awe. "Sugoi Nishio-kun! You must be...extra, extra, super, smart neh? Naoko-chan's got some competition for highest marks now!"  
  
He just grinned before saying, "You know Kinomoto-san...you've been really nice to me and all since my first day here at Seijou...and I'm really grateful, so uh..." he stuffed a hand into his pocket and pulled out a small velvet box. "This is just a small thank you gift...for your kindness."  
  
I blinked rapidly, staring at him dumbly. "Nani?"  
  
Tomoyo started giggling next to me while leaning over to whisper into my ear, "I think he has a gift for you Sakura-chan! Ohohohohohohoho!"  
  
I turned ten shades of red before taking the box from him shakily. "A-Arigatou!! You really didn't have to...I mean, it's my job as a former student here to show a new one around right? Ehehehehe..."  
  
"It's ok, open it," he said timidly.  
  
I nodded and slowly opened the box, revealing a white cushion with a thin silver chain lying softly on it. In the middle was a solid silver 'S' with a crystal pink cherry blossom embedded to fit into the 'S' snuggly. I gasped and looked at it in awe. "How did you get such a thing Nishio-kun?"  
  
"I have my ways," he answered mysteriously and laughed. "Here, let me put it on for you."  
  
Tomoyo was still giggling, much to my annoyance, but I nodded and Nishio-kun took the necklace and placed it around my neck. The chain was cool against my skin, sending a tingling wave through my body. I felt my cheeks flush once more, and Tomoyo's giggling growing louder by the second. Someone walking by would have thought she was crazy.  
  
"Turn around, I want to see how it looks on you," Nishio-kun's breath prickled the hair on the back of my neck.  
  
I turned around, looking down at the pendant of the necklace. "Domo arigatou Nishio-kun...now I feel like I have to get you a present for being so nice!"  
  
He chuckled, "The necklace looks beautiful on you. I bet it wouldn't look as good on anyone else."  
  
I flushed once more, Tomoyo's giggling nearly killing my ears. "Tomoyo-chan!!"  
  
"Ohohohoho I can't help it Sakura-chan, it's just too kawaii! Too bad I forgot my video camera..." she sighed sadly but brightened once more. "Demo, I'm sure I'll get many more chances to get kawaii footage of Sakura-chan and Nishio-kun!"  
  
"Tomoyo!! What's that suppose to mean?!" I guffawed and pouted.  
  
Little did I know that what Tomoyo meant was exactly what she meant...  
  
  


*

  
  
  
From the beginning of high school, and even before that, I got my first crush. At least, I thought it was a crush. In fact, I thought it was more then a simple crush. It was love at first sight. And it was to my onii-chan's best friend, Yukito-san.  
  
Well, that was two years ago until I finally ended that silly faze. I was fourteen when I finally decided to say something to him, obviously with onii-chan not around. I was straightforward and simply blurted it out as fast as I could, not wanting to look up at him. The floor in my kitchen was much more appealing to look at when I had confessed. That was when Yukito-san had crouched down to tilt my head up, telling me that he wasn't the one for me. That I would find my ichiban in the near future.  
  
At that time, I didn't want to find some other person. I wanted to be with Yukito-san. But I simply nodded, wanting him to think I understood, to make him think that I was mature enough to simply accept it. My mature reaction to the situation? I cried that night in my room as quietly as I could.  
  
But you know what? I don't think it's that big of a deal anymore. Life moves on, and I can forget. I can be strong and stand up again, ready to take on life's challenges once more. A little refusal shouldn't nag at me forever, right?   
  
The next morning I had gotten up bright and early, stretching as I stood up. My eyes fell on a little jar sitting in the corner of my desk, with dust collecting on the top of it. I had walked closer, wondering what on earth it was. Bending closer, something clicked in my head like a light switch. It was a jar. Filled with pretty pink paper stars.  
  
Given to me from Syaoran.  
  
Li Syaoran...that name brought back many memories; all very memorable. Demo, it seemed like a life time ago since I had met that boy from Hong Kong. That morning, I had wondered what he was eating, what he was saying, what he was doing at that very time I thought of him. I could only picture a blurry image of a grown up Li Syaoran, but I failed miserably and decided to simply imagine him as an eleven year old.  
  
It was then that I realized I still missed him. I wasn't sure how much, but that feeling was there. I hadn't forgotten him, my childhood bestfriend. I also came to realize that he seemed to be the nicest guy I had ever met in my entire life. He had been such a caring friend. He really was a good-hearted person.  
  
And even now, with me standing here as a sixteen year old, Li Syaoran is still ranking first on best guys I've ever met. But now, there's Nishio-kun. He seems nice enough. In fact, too nice.  
  
Its been a month or so since he's been attending Seijou. He still continues to hang out with Tomoyo and I, occasionally with some of our other friends. He's a typical guy; awfully smart, and awfully charming. I suppose that isn't too typical...he's kind of...special. One of a kind.  
  
Yori Nishio isn't boastful like most of the male population. Nor is he hot headed. He isn't too shy, and he isn't someone who doesn't know how to have fun. Isn't that a wonderful guy to know? But in Seijou High, most of the girls don't want to just know him. They _want_ him.  
  
Tomoyo has been saying lately that there's got to be something going on with Nishio-kun. Why he's always so nice to me compared to other females...demo, I think she's just thinking too much. That's the Tomoyo I know. She's usually one step ahead of everyone. Or maybe it's just me.  
  
But...just yesterday, Nishio-kun came up to me with that blank expression on his face that he usually has. It's the face that makes the girls swoon, of course, minus me since I think of Nishio-kun as a great friend, not my so called 'target' like the others. Yet, he asked me something I wouldn't have guessed...or maybe it's just my slowness again...  
  
"Kinomoto-san...would you like to go to the upcoming dance with me?"  
  
And...and I said yes. And I really don't know why, because I've never wanted to go to dances before. I thought they were silly and pointless, and I refused all offers from anyone who had asked me to go with them. Until yesterday.  
  
Tomoyo just kept on giggling, almost as if she knew why I agreed. Demo...  
  
How would she know why I accepted if even I, myself, didn't know?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
AN: Dense Sakura...anyways, *ducks bananas, tomatoes and cherries* EEEK, yesh you're all like "AH where's the S+Sness in this fic?!". But I assure you that this is an **S+S** fic, okay? Not Sakura and some stranger new dude. Since I don't want to drag on the whole developing relationship between Yori and Sakura (since that is utterly painful to read for faithful S+S shipperz), I might jump around a bit to speed things up so that our luffly Syaoran can come into the story =)! But by then...things would have gone bad. -_- I shall say no more for now...R+R ^^  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. Touch

  
  
  
  
  
AN: Eeee thankies for the reviews =) I luff you all *huggles* Hm, just to clear things up for some of you who have been asking: Is Sakura telling Syaoran the story, or are we somehow in Sakura's thoughts? Well, both aspects can be right. We are technically hearing the story from Sakura's point of view, therefore we're basically in her thoughts. Sakura telling Syaoran the story? That is up to you, and how you got the message from Chapter One =) WAAA, I so badly want to write some S+S fluff but I can't because it won't make sense if I just poof Syaoran back in Tomoeda and get them together -_- Ahhh the pain...  
  
Disclaimer: CCS doesn't belong to me, it belongs to CLAMP =(  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Paper Stars  
Chapter Four: Touch

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The upcoming dance, and just like any other dances, was the hot topic of conversation for the entire week at Seijou. It was the annual Spring Dance that was always held on the third week after spring break. Though I've been attending Seijou since eighth grade, I've never had the desire to go to school dances. I suppose I rather sit at home in front of the television, or just spend a nice, quiet, relaxing evening instead of dancing the night away with ear-drumming music. Talk about trying to make yourself deaf.  
  
But, Nishio-kun wanted me to go with him and that was exactly what I was doing. Confused at my own actions, I could only shrug and wonder what type of outfit Tomoyo would make me where tomorrow night. Tomorrow would be a Friday and I was to go to Tomoyo's house with her after school to let her "glam me up". I could only imagine what my sometimes crazy best friend might do.  
  
"Sakura-chan?" A hand waved in front of my face, causing me to blink and look around for the hand's owner. My eyes fell on amethyst ones.   
  
"Tomoyo-chan? Nani?" I glanced at her, confused.  
  
Tomoyo looked at me worriedly. "I've been trying to get your attention for a while already. Is something on your mind?"  
  
I looked thoughtful before shaking my head, causing strands of lose hair to escape from my messy bun. "Iie (no), of course not...I'm just sleepy because I actually woke up on time," I pouted. "You know what Tomoyo-chan? I didn't even sleep one minute more after my alarm clock rang..."  
  
Tomoyo giggled as if she knew something I didn't. I stared at her with a suspicious gaze until she stopped giggling, clapping her hands together in delight. "Ohohoho Sakura-chan! I think there _is_ something on your mind after all! Daydreaming...waking up on time...hmmm could this be teenage love meddling with our dear Sakura-chan's innocent mind?"  
  
"Hoe!!! Tomoyo-chan!!" I swatted her arm continuously. "That's so embarrassing!"  
  
"And you're blushing too!" Tomoyo did a dramatic gasp. "This is a 100% sign that somebody or something is floating in your mind! You're simply kawaii when you're confused like this!"  
  
I frowned, "Neh Tomoyo-chan, since you think there's got to be something on my mind, let's here it from the oh so psychic one."  
  
Tomoyo placed a hand under her chin, her eyes twinkling. "Is it..." she paused for effect and grinned. "Yori Nishio?"  
  
This caused me to jump up from my sitting position on the grass, knocking over the plastic container that held my lunch as I stood up at my full height. "Tomoyo!!" I was beat red and feeling awfully jumpy.  
  
My best friend just smiled, picking up the spilled contents of rice and chopsticks. "Well? Am I right?"  
  
I felt my heartbeat calm down, the colour slowly fading from my cheeks as a gentle breeze blew by. I sat back down slowly, contemplating what Tomoyo had stated just a minute ago. Watching a butterfly flutter by, I sighed and shrugged, "I don't know what's on my mind actually. I don't know if it's Nishio-kun, or maybe I'm worried about the dance...and I don't know what else, but you know," I pondered out loud, "I just can't stop thinking lately. There's like...this thing that keeps on flying around in my mind and I want to catch it so I can know what it is," I paused and looked at Tomoyo. "Am I making sense?"  
  
Tomoyo placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, "Daijoubu Sakura-chan. The dance will go fine! Especially when you'll be wearing an outfit made by me."  
  
I sweatdropped as she continued, "As for Nishio-kun..." that glint came into her eyes again. "I say you should go look at your neck and maybe you'll find out what that flying thing in your mind is."  
  
Confused, I glanced down as far as I could, making my chin touch the base of my neck. My eyes fell upon the necklace that Nishio-kun had given me a week ago. The silver pendant caught the rays of light from the sun, causing it to sparkle and wink back at me. "The necklace?"  
  
Tomoyo nodded and tilted her head at me, "You wear it everyday, don't you?"  
  
I turned slightly pink at that, but could only manage a nod and looked at the grass as if it were very interesting. "Hai...demo (but), is that suppose to mean something? By the tone of your voice, it's as if there's something weird about that."  
  
Tomoyo merely smiled that apprehending smile of hers before plucking a blade of grass from the base of her feet. "Well, it depends how you look at it. It could mean something, or it might not...I guess it all depends on what's going on in here," she placed a hand on her chest.  
  
I swallowed, half of me understanding what Tomoyo meant, yet half of me not really wanting to understand. Glancing up at the clear cerulean sky, I wondered what I was really feeling for this boy. Just as I was about to go off into my own little world again, Tomoyo's voice brought me back to earth. "Oh! Look!" she pointed behind me.  
  
Turning around, I met the deep forest green eyes of Yori Nishio. Swallowing hard, I continued to turn until I was facing where I was facing a second ago. "Ehehehehehe, isn't it such a beautiful day?" I stated in a rather high-pitched voice.  
  
Tomoyo laughed, taking my shoulders and turning me around once more. "No need to be shy Sakura-chan! Ohohoho..."  
  
"Hey Kinomoto-san, Daidouji-san," Nishio-kun greeted as he came closer, running a hand through his coffee brown hair. "Excited for tomorrow?"  
  
I honestly didn't know why, but simply watching his slightest movements made my stomach flip and my heart flutter. Was I coming down with the flu or some abnormal disease? I hoped not.  
  
"Kinomoto-san?" A hand flew in front of my face again.  
  
My eyes fluttered before I looked into his mesmerizing eyes, feeling myself want to jump into them and never come back. I shook my head, what kind of silly thought was that? "Gomen nasai," I scratched my head in embarrassment. "I was kind of thinking about something else, er, what did you say?"  
  
He just smiled that smile of his before bending down to be eye level with me. "Excited for tomorrow?" he repeated, his face ever so close to mine. "I know I am."  
  
I clutched a patch of grass beneath my palms, tearing the poor blades from the earth. "Hoe...hai, of course I am," I nodded fervently and flushed pink. "Ano...you...um, come...er, no, I mean, Tomoyo's..." I wanted to bite my tongue and tell myself to stop stuttering, but the more I tried the more words came spilling out of my disobedient mouth.  
  
Thankfully, Tomoyo came to my rescue and cut in, "Sakura-chan is coming to my house after class tomorrow to get ready for the dance, and since you're her date, why don't you come to my house to pick her up?"  
  
I suddenly wanted to clamp my hand over her mouth for her choice of words. My date? What date?! Hoeee how embarrassing...  
  
But instead of laughing his head off, he only chuckled and placed a hand on top of mine. My eyes snapped towards his in question, but he just smiled with his eyes and nodded, "Of course I'd go to Tomoyo's to pick you up. But," he turned his head towards her, "it would be nice if you could give me your address."  
  
Tomoyo agreed with a nod, taking a pen and a pad of scented paper from her bag. As she scribbled down her address, Nishio-kun turned back to look at me and grinned, "You're wearing the necklace."  
  
Looking down at it, I could only nod and smile, "I like it very much..."  
  
"That's good, I'm glad I know what you like Sakura-chan," he confessed and stood up once more. "Well, I better get home before I miss the next bus," he laughed and stretched his arms.  
  
Tomoyo giggled and nudged me lightly. "Well, why not let Sakura-chan go with you and you guys can get to know each other better--"  
  
"Tomoyo-chan!!" I scowled.  
  
Nishio-kun's smile slipped off his face as he stared at us hard. I blinked, confused at his expression that seemed so...blank and lifeless. "...Nishio-kun?" I uttered uncertainly.  
  
"Maybe, maybe some other day," he finally said after a moment of silence. "You can come over...some other day," he let out a breath and grinned as if no awkward moment had just gone by. "Ja ne, Kinomoto-san, Daidouji-san."  
  
As he turned around to leave, I couldn't help but watch and wonder what caused him to suddenly look as if he had seen a ghost. His figure slowly disappeared with the swift breeze of spring, casting a wave of cherry blossom petals to dance in the air. I unconsciously brushed a strand of hair that had fallen in front of my face, not knowing, not realizing, what I was going to step into.  
  
  


*

  
  
  
Tomoyo dragged my arm the whole way to her house the very next day after school. My school hat was nearly falling off as Tomoyo dashed down the sidewalk with me clinging onto her fingers for dear life. As we turned a corner, a felt my hat fall from the top of head. Using my free hand, I quickly snatched it before it flew off with the wind. Grumbling, I called out, "Slow down Tomoyo!! We have hours and hours to prepare--"  
  
"Ohoho still not enough Sakura-chan! We don't know how long it'll take to get you all ready for Nishio-kun to see, we can't take chances!" She declared as we halted in front of the mass iron gates of the Daidouji's mansion.   
  
Tomoyo casually announced her name, signaling the iron gates to open automatically. I was once again dragged towards the front door, passing the beautiful gardens in a blur of green and multiple colours. "Tomooooyooo," I whined.  
  
"Hayaku Sakura-chan!" Tomoyo urged as two butlers opened the double doors, bowing to her before we proceeded up the stairs and into Tomoyo's massive bedroom. "First I'll show you the outfit! I stayed up for the whole night yesterday to finish it off and do some touch ups!"  
  
I sighed and shook my head in disbelief. Tomoyo never changed. Tired from being dragged for a good whole ten minutes, I plopped myself onto her lavender couch only to be dragged to my feet once more. "Here!" she handed a pile of clothing, hastily nudging me towards the bathroom connected to her room. "You can change in there and I'll wait! Oooh I can already see how kawaii you'll look!" Stars had sprung into my dear friend's eyes.  
  
"Hoee..." I entered the bathroom reluctantly and glanced down at the pile. Shrugging, I began to change out of my school uniform to the outfit Tomoyo had made. I was having trouble trying to get the top on but after a good struggle, and a small ripping sound, I finally got it on. Satisfied, I changed from my navy school skirt into the pair of jeans Tomoyo had designed.  
  
Fully changed, I glanced up at washroom mirror only to realize that Tomoyo had covered the whole mirror with...garbage bags. Sweatdropping, I opened the washroom door and poked my head out. "Tomoyo...why on earth did you cover the mirror--"  
  
"KAWAII!!!" I winced and covered my ears as Tomoyo danced over and yanked me out of the washroom. "Oooh Sakura-chan!! Kirei!! Ohohohoho I can picture Nishio-kun's reaction already! Sakura-chan, if only you'd let me design more of your clothing..." a hopeful expression came upon her face.  
  
I immediately shook my head. "No way Tomoyo-chan! I never know what type of design you're going to do and sometimes you get so into it it's rather crazy! Hoee...and can you please tell me why you're hiding the mirrors from me?"  
  
Tomoyo's eyes glinted as she brought me towards her vanity table across from her queen-sized bed. "I didn't want you to see just yet! I want you to see the whole package at once!"  
  
"The...whole package? What whole package?" I asked frantically.  
  
She giggled and took a brush, running it down my hair. "After I finish your make-up and hair and--"  
  
"HOE!! I thought you told me that we're just trying on the outfit and--"  
  
"I did say that, but I also said you're coming over to get ready for the dance," Tomoyo stated with a grin. "And getting ready for a dance is exactly what we're doing! Ohohohoho!"  
  
I frowned and stared at my reflection. I could see a bit of the top which was a pretty spring green. The urge to stand up and simply look at the outfit was nagging at my brain the whole time Tomoyo was brushing out my hair and sweeping it into a messy bun. She left two strands of my bangs to hang loosely at the front, using matching green star clips to hold the rest of my bangs from falling into my face.  
  
"Stop trying to look down and examine your outfit Sakura," Tomoyo giggled and I flushed. She was so observant sometimes. "There, your hair is finished!" She announced as she shook the hair spray can. "Just a bit of this..." she sprayed in a circular motion, the scent of it causing me to sneeze.  
  
"Now, I know you don't like too much make-up, so I'll just do a really light touch ok?" Tomoyo assured as she picked up various things from her table. There were so many bottles and brands that it was all a blur to my eyes. "Here, I'm just going to use some exfoliating cream before I apply stuff."  
  
"Uh...whatever that is, but sure," I sweatdropped. "My face is in your hands..." I mumbled miserably.  
  
"Aw, Sakura-chan, be happy! Trust me you silly girl, I wouldn't want to make you look ugly," Tomoyo declared truthfully and rubbed a white cream onto my face. "Here, just keep on rubbing it until the cream disappears, I'm going to go get my other stuff."  
  
I obeyed and rubbed the cream on my face until it slowly disappeared into little flakes. "Ew, it's flaky."  
  
"It's your dead skin silly," came Tomoyo's voice as she hurried back with a pink box.  
  
"Hoee..."  
  
Tomoyo was throwing everything out of the box and onto the table's surface, hastily opening a bottle and closing a compact disk every few seconds. Sighing, I simply sat there as Tomoyo applied whatever she was applying. The glint in her eyes never faded until the last minute as she finished off my eye shadow. "Done!" she declared proudly and stepped back to admire her handy work. "Ohohoho, now you can look in the mirror."  
  
She led me towards the full-length mirror beside her closet. I stared at my reflection, blinking and staring for a good five minutes before turning to Tomoyo and pointing at my right shoulder. "What happened to the sleeve on this side?! It's gone! And, and, and- HOE!!!"  
  
Tomoyo grinned in a carefree manner and answered, "It's a one shoulder top Sakura! So you only have a sleeveless strap on your left shoulder and it simply slopes down. Oooh doesn't it look good with Nishio-kun's necklace?"  
  
I bit my lip, turning to my left and right to examine myself. The top was indeed a spring green, but near my belly button the material changed and was a see-through white fabric connected to the green fabric. It was cut so that the shirt ended in a slant, from left to right. A messy star was designed near the center of the shirt in silver, a dash of silver coming from it too. It was a really pretty shirt actually, and not too outrageous like some of Tomoyo's normal designs.  
  
"You know...I like it Tomoyo-chan!" I smiled lightheartedly at my reflection before looking at the jeans. They weren't skin-tight like what alot of girls wore, but it was just right. A trail of silver stars, all different sizes, were sewn onto the side of my left thigh. It ended in a flare at the bottom, and a silver belt of star charms was the final touch. "Waa...Tomoyo-chan! I think you should become a designer someday."  
  
Tomoyo clapped her hands together proudly and shook her head, "I only design clothes for Sakura-chan!"  
  
"Tomoyo..." I uttered, touched. I turned towards my bestest friend in the world, giving her a wide hug. "Arigatou Tomoyo-chan!"  
  
She merely tilted her head with a happy smile on her lips before I stepped back, glancing at the clock hanging above the television. "Half an hour more! Are you going to get ready Tomoyo-chan?"  
  
"Hai, getting myself ready is much faster," she admitted and quickened her pace towards her closet. I chuckled and looked at my reflection once more before smiling to myself. What would Nishio-kun think?  
  
I instantly blushed and whacked myself mentally. Why did that matter? Of course it didn't matter...silly thoughts, silly pestering thoughts. Go away, go away...I exhaled and smiled softly. I didn't know what I was feeling, but that doesn't matter because it felt good. It wasn't a bad feeling, it was a strange...tingly feeling.   
  
And I liked it.  
  
  


*

  
  
  
The school gym was blaring with music, teenagers letting go and going wild. Disco lights spun and glittered, casting colours upon the walls and upon the faces of students. Nothing else seemed to matter to everyone except for the music and the stuffy air they breathed. I, for one, was having a hard time trying to stay cool just standing in one spot. I never knew it could be so stuffy in the gym.  
  
"Come on Kinomoto-san, come dance," Nishio-kun's breath was warm as he was standing very close to me. "You didn't come here to just stand, right?"  
  
I let him lead me towards the crowd, suddenly feeling shy for no reason at all. The music was fast, a song I recognized from the radio. The people around us were shaking their hips and swinging their arms, girls faces hidden from their hair flying in all directions, guys merely nodding their head while some break danced if they could. Nishio-kun smiled gently at me and took my hands, swinging them around. "Loosen up," he suggested.  
  
I blushed, glad that the gym was dark. My eyes scanned the bobbing heads and flailing arms for Tomoyo's familiar black hair and eyes, but failed. I wondered if she was purposely hiding...  
  
"You seem occupied," Nishio-kun noticed.  
  
I shook my head, "Just thinking."  
  
"Don't think too much," he said just as the song ended to be replaced by a slow one. "If you can't get reckless, then at least you can dance to this right?" He offered his hand to me.   
  
I looked all around me at the various couples beginning to form, the scattered groups of friends slowly disappearing to be replaced by boys and girls holding each other. I turned red and succeeded in nodding. His arms went on my hips as I slowly placed my hands shyly on his shoulders, a nice big space between us...which was quite strange since the couples around us were literally glued to each other.  
  
I wondered if he thought I was weird...not wanting to be too close...  
  
"I respect your personal bubble," he interrupted my thoughts and I glanced up in surprise. He smiled gently and nodded his head towards the couple next to us. Literally, glued together. "We don't have to be like them."  
  
I smiled, relieved and surprised that he was so sweet. "Arigatou..."  
  
"No need to thank me, I mean, we should all respect each other's personal space, right?" He looked down at me with his enchanting eyes and I was once again lost in them. I sighed. What kind of disease was this? Some weird "I like to look at people's eyes" disease? But...I didn't find my teacher's eyes as interesting as Nishio-kun's...maybe it was just green eyes. Ya...that must be it.  
  
As we rocked back and forth to the soft music in the background, I felt this magnetic pull towards him. The space between us grew smaller, but it wasn't as close as the others around us. No...I wasn't about to glue myself onto him, but we were closer. It was...nice.  
  
As I was once again lost in my own little world, his voice, as usual, brought me back. "Can I...can I ask you to do a favour for me?"  
  
I tilted my head in question, "What is it?"  
  
He glanced down at me through the strands of brown hair that fell in his face in such a manner that made me stare once more. "Can I call you, Sakura? Sakura-chan?"  
  
I gaped at him. I had imagined a million favours he would ask, all extreme and out of the blue. But I had not thought of such a simple favour. To simply call me by my first name...in fact I hadn't even noticed that he hadn't been calling me by my first name. I felt as if...as if I had known him since the beginning of time. Of course he could call me by my first name...why did he even bother asking?  
  
"Of course you can, silly," I giggled and continued, "But then you have to let me call you Yori."  
  
He smiled brilliantly, "Hai, I hereby allow Miss Sakura Kinomoto to call me Yori."  
  
I laughed in pure happiness, looking back up at him in the eyes. His eyes seemed to smile and dance as I lost myself in its gaze, nothing seemed to be happening around us except for him and I staring at each other as if we were crazy. I didn't know if the song had ended, if the couples around us had parted and gone back to their usual friends as if nothing had happened before. But not us.  
  
I felt like we could stand here forever and merely hold onto each other. If we were to let go, he would break. Or vise versa. If we were to let go, the other would disappear. If we were to let go...I didn't know what would happen, but we simply couldn't let go.  
  
Sadly, I didn't know it was he who would not break. He who would not disappear. He would not go away.  
  
Sadly, I didn't know what the future was.  
  
  
  
  
AN: Mouuuu I want Syaorannn I want Syaoran...but I still need to have it all lovey dovey between Sakura and Yori. Gahhh why can't stories be choppy and weird...but then it wouldn't make sense and it wouldn't be...a story ^^;; Nehehehe well if you're wondering when Syaoran's going to come along...I estimate around...Chapter...6ish. Which is soon! So don't give up on me yet. Stuff will happen before that to keep you guys entertained. And when I say stuff, I mean stuff. =P Arigatou for reading and please R+R to keep me going ^^  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	5. Wading

  
  
AN: Bah stupid me, I just realized I made a mistake in all my chapters, but it's a minor one =P I keep on typing everyone's first name first, when it's suppose to be last name first bah!! I had it right the first time but then I thought I had it wrong so I retyped it and then ya...but whatever ^^;; I'm sticking to what I have right now just to be uh what's the word...starts with a c...uh, anyways hope you guys don't mind ^^ Arigatou for z reviews and R+R on your way out okai?  
  
Disclaimer: CCS doesn't belong to me, it belongs to CLAMP =(  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Paper Stars  
Chapter Five: Wading

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
As I sit here and daydream, the dance seems so far back in the past. That night's events were a nice blur to me, but I knew it was a pleasant night. A happy night, the night I kind of realized what I felt for Nishio-kun, I mean, Yori-kun. I wasn't completely sure then, but I was...near the edge of it. Turning over the last rock in my mind, I found feelings...strange feelings towards this boy who wasn't so new anymore.  
  
And so weeks went by, everyday was just like any other day. Filled with happiness, joy, deepening friendships, Tomoyo's giggles, Naoko-chan's occasional ghost stories, and Nishio-kun's charming face. Summer holidays seem so close, yet so far, since final exams seem like a big barrier to the actual holiday. But sometimes I find myself imaging up a whole made-up summer holiday with Yori in it always...and that was when I knew I had something more than friendship feelings for him. Tomoyo was always supportive of me, always giggling and nodding knowingly.  
  
But lately, she's been looking worried. Though I'm not really sure why...  
  
But other than that, it's two weeks away from finals and just three weeks away from summer. So close, yet so far. And the biggest news yet? I bet you can guess; I'm in a relationship. With who? Isn't it obvious? Yep, Yori. Smart, athletic, mysterious, charming, Yori Nishio. My boyfriend? Hoeee it sounds so embarrassing to say that, but it's the truth.   
  
Maybe Tomoyo's worried because I spend alot of my time with him. Maybe a little too much, but...but there's nothing wrong with that, right...? We've been going strong for nearly a month. He never falters in his sweetness, he never makes me feel too overprotected or unprotected. Just right. I wondered how a plain, normal girl like me would be able to get such a talented young man. But, like what Tomoyo always says, have confidence in yourself.  
  
And so these thoughts swam in my head as I entered the last class of the day, History. Yori wasn't in my History class, but Tomoyo was and so was Rika-chan and Yamazaki-kun. Sitting down in my seat next to Tomoyo, I noticed she was staring blankly at her notebook. Worried, I quickly clapped my hands in front of her face, causing her to jump up, startled.  
  
"Gomen nasai Tomoyo-chan, but you seemed to be kind of...dazed?" I hinted, hoping she would spill whatever she seemed to be hiding from me. Being friends with her ever since we were toddlers, it was hard to mistaken her behavior for something else. There had to be something going on; not one of Tomoyo's usual plans though.  
  
"Daijoubu Sakura-chan," she plastered a meek smile on her face which I easily saw threw. "I'm just tired, didn't sleep much last night you know?"  
  
"Tomoyo-chan, I can tell when you're lying, so give up," I laughed. "Well, I can sometimes tell...but that's not the point."  
  
Tomoyo sighed and placed her chin in her palm, looking at me thoughtfully as if she was speculating whether to tell me or not. I stared back at her in disbelief. "Tomoyo! You'd tell me anything right?"  
  
"Of course, Sakura-chan, but...nevermind, it's nothing," Tomoyo said with a wave of her hand just as the teacher came in. The class fell silent and I could only sneak glances at Tomoyo hopefully, but she never returned any of the glances. Frowning, I would have to ask Tomoyo afterwards.  
  
History was never slower. Dates and events went in one ear and out the other as sensei drawled on and on about some guy who did...did what? Gah, my attention and focus was clearly not with me in class, for Tomoyo was being very perplexing and I couldn't rack my brain for anything that would bother her enough to be reluctant in telling me.  
  
When I was pretty sure I was about to melt away in my seat, the bell rang and I immediately turned to Tomoyo who immediately turned to me.  
  
"Um--" we both started in unison.  
  
Sweatdropping, I smiled, "You can go first."  
  
"Um, well," Tomoyo tossed her pen into her pencil case, closing it shut with its zipper. "You know...do you remember when--"  
  
"Hey, Sakura-chan," A familiar voice caught my attention as I averted my gaze towards the door of the classroom. Familiar dark green eyes met my gaze and I instantly brightened up, forgetting what I had been talking about with Tomoyo. I think it had something to do with secrets, but that didn't matter because Yori was here. Smiling and standing up, I waved for him to come over. "How did your math quiz go?"  
  
He grinned and did a thumbs up, "The usual stuff."  
  
I beamed and quickly turned to Tomoyo. "You know what Tomoyo-chan?"  
  
Tomoyo blinked so I naturally took that as a no. Excitedly, I declared, "I'm going to be eating dinner at Yori-kun's house tonight! Sugoi neh?" I spun back to face Yori who looked a bit...troubled? I wasn't too sure, but I wasn't exactly paying close attention to his facial expression. "Do you think I should bring something? For a good impression on your parents?"  
  
He seemed not to hear as he looked away. "See you later Sakura-chan, 6:30 okay?" He didn't wait for my reply as he quickly strode out of the classroom and out of sight, much to my confusion.  
  
"Hoe?" I shifted my gaze to Tomoyo who was biting her bottom lip as if in deep concentration. "Oh well, I think I'll bring a gift...Tomoyo-chan, can you help me think of one?"  
  
I watched her face tentatively until I realized she probably hadn't heard me or she was purposely not replying. "Tomoyo-chan!"  
  
She stood up abruptly, an apologetic look on her pretty face. "Gomen Sakura-chan, I have to hurry home to um, do something for my kaa-san. A gift for Nishio-kun's parents? How about a cake? You can make really good ones, and I'm sure they'll be touched! Well, I'll catch you later!" She said this all in a very fast breath and was out the door within a second.  
  
I blinked, why was everyone in such a hurry today? Shrugging to myself, I packed my bag and stepped out of the classroom with a good-bye to sensei. Suddenly feeling lost, I stood in the hallway for a few minutes before realizing that I had to get home and bake a cake by 6:30. Panicking, I dashed down the hall and out the school building with only one task in mind.  
  
  
  


*

  
  
  
Turning the corner with my roller-blades, I nearly crashed into a little six year old sitting in the middle of the sidewalk, clueless of the dangers that could befall on her. Stopping, I turned to warn the little girl.  
  
"Um, hey, what are you doing sitting here?" I crouched down slowly to glance at the child's wide brown eyes. Those eyes were so...so similar to something. I couldn't really place a finger on it.  
  
The little girl stuffed a small fist into her pocket and pulled it out a second later. She brought her hand out at me, opening her palm to show an assortment of different coloured paper stars, yet they were squashed. Confused, I tilted my head and was about to ask her once more when she said, "I forgot they were in my pocket...so I sat down and now they're all flat..."  
  
Smiling, I took one flattened star from her grasp and pinched the corners, the star instantly turning puffy. "See, there you go. All you have to do is pinch the corners," I explained while handing the puffed up green star to the girl.  
  
Squealing with delight, the little girl proceeded in pinching all the flattened stars and bringing them back to life. She looked up at me excitedly, a wide grin on her small round face. "Thankies! I like the green ones the best," she commented while poking at a puffed up green star. "You?"  
  
I giggled, not really knowing why the little girl kept on saying things that rang bells in my head. "I like the pink one," I responded and glanced at my watch. "Well, I better get home, and you too little girl. You shouldn't be sitting in the middle of the sidewalk, especially behind a corner."  
  
"I know...but I live right there," she pointed to the house across.   
  
I glanced up at the white house and saw what seemed to be the girl's mother looking out the window. Relieved, I nodded and waved goodbye, hurrying home and hoping that I would be able to get everything done in time. But all the way home, my mind kept on repeating what the little girl said, and her eyes...very captivating and awfully familiar...  
  
"Kaijuu, what are you doing?"  
  
Snapping out of my revere, I met the gaze of my onii-chan who was holding the door open. He must've been holding it open for a while already for he was looking awfully annoyed, but a hint of concern was shown in his gaze. "Thinking, again," I admitted and stepped into the house. "Is otou-san home?"  
  
"Nope, you know that squirt. He doesn't come home until 6 on work days," he rolled his eyes at me, ruffling my hair. "I'm cooking tonight."  
  
"Oh! Did I forget to tell you? I'm uh, going over to a friend's for dinner tonight!" I didn't know why I didn't say 'boyfriend' but possibly it was because of onii-chan. If he heard he would probably go ballistic and run into a wall. Shaking my head, I ran into the kitchen, throwing my bag in the corner and putting on my apron. Opening cupboards and getting my supplies, Touya stuck his head in curiously.  
  
"What are you doing now?"  
  
"Baking a cake," I quipped cheerfully and cracked an egg.   
  
Touya nodded dubiously, "Ok then...as long as you don't burn the house down."  
  
I was in a much too cheerful mood to mind him, so I simply smiled back at him much to his amazement. Humming a tune I didn't know where I had got from, I dumped the flour into a bowl with the eggs. I was going to bake the best cake ever, and like my otou-san once taught me, I would use love to bake it so it would be extra delicious and good.   
  
This was the only thing I had in mind, other than the little girl and her wide chocolate eyes.   
  
  
  


*

  
  
Following the directions on the paper Yori had written on, I found myself skating farther and farther away from my neighbourhood. Passing the school and even Tomoyo's house, I finally entered a very rich looking area. Even the streetlamps were different and the roads were curved and newly paved. The houses around me were all mansions, like Tomoyo's, with quite a distance from the road to the house.  
  
The sun was still up, but slowly setting, causing some of the streetlamps to flicker on yellow and warm. I passed by house 356, then 367...finally hitting 388 carved into the marble of the fence. I glanced up to see a beautiful white mansion and fountains spitting water out into the evening air. The gates were open, as if they were expecting a guess; which they were.  
  
Skating through the gates slowly, I couldn't help but feel mesmerized at the pretty rose bushes and the small pond in the distance. Curious, I skated closer towards the pond and saw that there were goldfish swimming about, the lotuses floating oblivious to the life beneath them. Smiling in awe, I spent a few more minutes taking in the front of the mansion until a voice cut into the quiet air.  
  
"Are you going to come in yet, Sakura-chan?"  
  
Looking towards the mass double doors, I found the amused figure of Yori. Smiling to myself, I hurried over, stopping just in front of him. "Konbanwa! Gomen, but your house is just so beautiful, I just wanted to look at it more before I came in," I explained with a blush.  
  
Yori returned a smile, moving away to let me in. I could not find a word to describe the entrance room of the Nishio mansion. The chandelier was massive and shimmering gold and white, casting specs of light on the ground and walls. The paintings were all framed with gold, a beautiful pot of orchids sitting ontop of a glass table. The rug was soft beneath my feet, intricate patterns weaving and snaking across the rug. Turning to Yori, I could only gasp in awe.  
  
"Sugoi Yori-kun! Your house is magnificent! It's like a palace," I exclaimed truthfully and smiled. "I baked a cake for your parents," I handed over the pink box I had slipped it into, quite proud at how it had turned out. "Speaking of which...where are your parents?"  
  
Yori grunted and nodded upwards, "They're upstairs. Don't know what they're doing."  
  
"Oh," I replied dumbly.  
  
"But that's ok, want to have dinner first before I show you around?" Yori suggested as we entered the living room and into the dining room.  
  
I nodded in agreement, looking at the huge dining table in shock. Two people sitting here? That would actually look rather stupid. "Just us two?"  
  
He smiled, "Is there a problem with that?"  
  
"No! No of course not," I sweatdropped and sat down gingerly in one of the plush cream seats. "Hoeeee...it's so proper here."  
  
"Don't worry, no table manners for tonight, ok?" He grinned while pulling back his own seat across from me. "Just relax and feel at home."  
  
I managed to nod, just as a couple of servants came scurrying in with silver trays and platters. Shocked, I watched as they all placed their trays onto the table, taking the top off to reveal different items of food hidden beneath. When they were finally done, the table was filled and I could only swallow and stare at Yori. "For us?"  
  
"Mmm hmm," Yori replied naturally as if it wasn't out of the ordinary to be having a feast between two people. He must have caught my awkward glance at him for he looked up from his soup to peer at me questioningly. "What is it Sakura-chan?"  
  
"But isn't it not polite to start dinner without your parents?" I reminded.  
  
He looked at me as if I were an alien or something, but quickly laughed it off. "What? You don't mean to say you have dinner with your dad everyday?"  
  
I poked my fork at the steak sitting snug in its ness of vegetables and corn. "Well, no, since he has to stay late at work sometimes. Demo, when he has time he'll eat dinner with onii-chan and I."  
  
A clatter rang through the air as Yori dropped his spoon, splashing a bit of the soup onto the cloth of the table. He was looking at me strangely, with this blank look in his eyes that sent a chill down my spine. Worried, I got up and asked with concern, "Daijoubu?"  
  
He didn't reply, instead he kept on staring and muttered, "That's your family, not mine. Here, we do things differently."   
  
His voice seemed strained and agitated for who knows what reason. I frowned, wondering why he was acting so strangely. Just as I was about to ask him if he really was ok, a tall man around Yori's height walked into the room. He had the darkest hair ever, and flashing deep green eyes. I assumed that this man was Yori's otou-san most likely...  
  
"Yori, what do we do differently here?" His voice was deep and powerful, an air of superiority around him.  
  
I sank back into my seat, wanting to greet this man yet frightened he might jump at me for some reason. I glanced at Yori who wasn't looking at his father, but instead at the table.  
  
"Nothing father, nothing," came Yori's moderately soft voice. It almost seemed like he was scared...but that wouldn't make any sense, would it?   
  
I nearly jumped out of my seat when his father's eyes landed on mine. He seemed to examine me, his eyes never leaving mine as he came closer to the dining table in his navy trousers. "And you are?"  
  
"...Sakura, Sakura Kinomoto," I replied in a rather squeaky voice. I slapped myself mentally. Great, what type of first impression was I aiming for?  
  
"Ah, a girl," Yori's otou-san stated. I sweatdropped. I wasn't trying to be rude or anything, but wasn't it quite obvious that I was a girl? "You must be Yori's...good friend."  
  
I blinked, looking at Yori who seemed to be purposely hiding from my gaze. So he hadn't told his family about our relationship either. How strange of us. Maybe he was scared about his parent's reaction, just like me. I nodded to myself and smiled brightly at his father. "Hai, I was the one who showed him around when he first came--"  
  
"Sakura!" Yori snapped quite suddenly, causing me to jump.  
  
Yori's father was now casting an awfully stern look at Yori who kept on staring at me with strange eyes. I couldn't help but sink back deeper into my seat, wondering why there was so much tension in the air. Finally, Yori's father spoke.  
  
"So, you need a girl to show you around the place? Meet new friends and all that shit?"  
  
I gasped under my breath at the tone of voice his father used. It was so different from my own otou-san's gentle and understanding tone. Quickly, I averted my gaze to Yori who finally lifted his gaze from mine to look at his otou-san. "She was the person sitting in front of me, so she naturally volunteered to show me around," his tone was hard and unquavering.  
  
Now his father looked at me straight in the eye. I once again felt intimidated, knowing I shouldn't be and I was just being silly...  
  
"So you agreed to let her show you around, Yori?" He questioned while keeping his eyes on me.  
  
Yori could only nod stiffly but spoke nonetheless. "This is my life father. I would be ever so thankful if you would leave this room right now."  
  
"You dare to speak to me this way son?" I noticed the chandelier was jingling as Yori's father's voice grew heavier and louder. I wondered if they forgot I was in the room or something, but I could only remain silent. It didn't seem to be a good time to jump in.  
  
Yori stood up from his seat, his eyes never leaving his father's face as he spoke once more, in that same steady tone. "I have a guest over," he stated simply.  
  
His father's eyes narrowed dangerously, scowling before he spat, "So you think because you have a little friend over I'll listen to everything you say?! Oh no I won't son, don't think you're safe whenever you have a guest over. What do you think I am?" I wanted to nudge Yori and mutter "rhetorical question, don't answer it", but he was across the table from me.  
  
Unfortunately, Yori didn't seem to get it and answered. "A beast."  
  
I felt my own heart skip a beat, it didn't feel like I was in reality. In fact I felt like I was watching some soap opera on TV with a very huge life-size screen. Part of me wanted to yank Yori's arm and flee with him out the door. Another part of me simply wanted to dig a hole and disappear under the carpet. It felt so wrong to be invading what seemed to be a family thing.  
  
That was when I thought time stopped and I could only watch in horror as Yori's dad raised his arm and brought it down onto Yori's face. My eyes clamped shut at impact, a loud smacking noise ringing through the elegant dining room. Chandeliers jingled, plates clattered. I didn't open my eyes, my heart beating painfully fast in my chest. Seconds went by, or minutes; I didn't know how long.  
  
Until he spoke up.  
  
"...Go home."  
  
I opened one eye at a time, my eyes landing on Yori who was leaning against the table with both hands. His right cheek was slowly reddening, obviously swelling and would soon be a bruise. I noticed the absence of his father...but, I wasn't so sure if that man was a father. Who would...hit there own child like that? I shivered at the thought, and I couldn't stop shivering.  
  
"Yori...are you o--"  
  
"Go home," he repeated, his eyes never looking back at mine but at the white table cloth as if he wanted to bore a hole into it. I wasn't so sure if I should listen, or to check if he was ok.  
  
I decided to check on him. Going around the table, I tentatively approached his slightly shaking figure. I had never seen a young man so frail. But he didn't look scared, in fact, I didn't know what danced in his eyes at that moment. Slowly, I reached a hand to touch his swollen cheek. But I never reached his cheek for his hand came to grab my wrist at lightning speed.  
  
Gasping, I looked up at him in shock. "Yori?"  
  
"Didn't I tell you to leave? Didn't I?!" His voice now quivered, not the same steady tone as before when his father had been in the room. Had it been all an act? To be all strong no matter what? I was confused, very confused.  
  
"Yori...demo, I..I--"  
  
"You what?!" He nearly screamed, shaking my wrist and tightening his grip. I winced, wanting to pull away yet his grip was awfully tight. "You want to apologize?! Hah, like that would work."  
  
I blinked in utter confusion. "...Apologize?"  
  
He sneered, never letting go of my wrist. He was literally cutting off my circulation. "If you had kept your mouth shut about you showing me around, leading me around like a dog, this wouldn't have happened!" He pushed me away, causing me to stumble back a few steps and nearly knocking into a chair.  
  
I stabled myself in shock and fright, rubbing my swollen wrist painfully. "Yori, what's wrong?! Why are you acting this way?!" I nearly yelled as tears threatened to spring into my eyes.  
  
He turned to me shakily, his eyes burning with fury or...hatred? To whom was all this directed to? I wasn't sure anymore...  
  
"Go home," he said once more, sounding final.  
  
I did not dare to stay a second longer. Grabbing my hand bag from my seat, I hurried through the living room and to the entrance, strapping on my roller-blades in record speed. Unlocking the door, I skated out, shutting it behind me and never looking back.  
  
The whole way home I skated blindly, tears never rolling down my cheeks but watering in my eyes. It was when I reached my house that I realized I had not let out my breath. Exhaling, I felt my heart still beating rapidly, the night's air a chill to my bones. Unlocking the door, I quietly entered my familiar, cozy house, creeping upstairs in silence.  
  
Flopping onto my bed, I let one tear drop escape. I didn't understand at all. What had just gone on? Had it been all a dream? I pinched myself.  
  
Nope. My right wrist was still swollen as ever, the beating in my heart still quick and hard. I wanted to feel something, yet instead I only felt shock and fright. I wanted to feell mad, or anything. Mad at Yori for yelling at me for such a strange reason. I had simply stated the truth. I had shown him around...what was the big deal? And yet, I couldn't make myself mad at him. Or even annoyed.  
  
I felt...sorry for him. Sorry for all the things he didn't have. Sorry for the family he had to face. I had seen his dad, and what he could do. Now, what was his mother like? I shuddered at the thought.  
  
Hugging myself, I replayed the evening's events. I wondered what school would be like after this weekend. I worried about Yori's cheek and his safety. I worried about his well-being and how he was coping with the night's events. And yet I never once worried about myself. What a mistake.  
  
But at that time, the only positive thing I felt was gratefulness. I was grateful for the family I had. For the father I had, and even the mother I didn't have but would always remain forever in my heart. I felt grateful for the brother I had, protecting me from almost anything to come. I felt grateful for the friends I had, to help and carry my pains whenever I needed them to. Basically, I was grateful for the life I had.  
  
That was then, though.  
  
I stared aimlessly out the window, until finally something made a noise from my computer. Turning slowly, I noticed a little message box had popped up, indicating I had new mail.  
  
Wondering who had e-mailed, I walked towards my computer and sat down in the pink squishy seat. Hitting enter, another message box popped up and I could only stare at it in silence.  
  
  
From : "- Li Syaoran-" little_green_wolf@lc.com   
To : pink_cherri@genki.com  
Subject : none  
  
Hey Sakura, remember me? Well, if you don't, it's me, Li Syaoran. The guy from Hong Kong, and the guy that left like five years ago. Ring any bells? Lol, well if it doesn't, how about making paper stars during summer? Remember that? Anyways, if you remember me or not, Daidouji-san will probably fill you in. The thing is, I'm coming back to Tomoeda...by the time I've sent this to you, I've probably just left to the airport. I don't know if you remember this or not, but when I left that day I told you I would come back. Along with that, I wanted to tell you something when that day came. Now, it's that day and I'm freakin nervous about telling you. I won't say in the e-mail, because...well, it's just something not meant to be said through this. I hope you're doing well and I um, can't wait until I get back to Japan. Oh, and Meiling says hello and says that she wishes she could come back with me this time, but she might have to wait a few weeks until she gets to come. School's holding her back. Well, I'd better be off now and I'll see you soon.  
  
Syaoran  
  
  
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I felt another fresh set of tears spring back into my tired eyes. Li Syaoran. Stupid, silly Li Syaoran! Honestly! How could he even think I had forgotten him?! He didn't need to fill up so much space trying to refresh my memory, because during all those years he had always been in my mind somewhere. Big or small, his shadow was always hovering around.  
  
Well...no, he had left my mind when Yori had come along. That was when it hit me. That little girl...her eyes, her obsession with green stars...so very Syaoran-like. Had it been some sign trying to tell me that Syaoran was coming back? Nah, I won't think silly. Let's continue on happy, normal things.  
  
Syaoran is coming back...he really really was coming back. To Japan. To Tomoeda. Most importantly, to me. I thought about replying, but realized he was probably somewhere in the sky right now, and there would be no point. Yet, part of me was puzzled by the mail.  
  
I thought I had remembered every moment that had occurred when Li Syaoran left my life that day. But, I guess I didn't because he claimed to have said something about coming back to tell me something. Yet, what was that "something"? I hoped it wasn't some horrid news because I didn't think I could take all the trauma after what had happened at Yori's.  
  
But I wanted to forget Yori for a moment or two, and just let the excitement and joy run through me and wash away all the shock and pain I had felt just a while ago. Jumping out of my seat, I hurried to call Tomoyo about the great news.  
  
Ring after ring, she didn't pick up until her answering machine did. It was Tomoyo's voice.  
  
"Sorry, we're not available to take your call right now, but please leave a message after the tone! Also, if you happen to be Sakura-chan calling, I just wanted to say that my weird behavior had something to do with our little wolf coming back to Japan! Demo (but), I can tell you more later when I can call you back. Ja ne!"  
  
I smiled to myself. So Tomoyo knew already! I hung up the phone, still smiling to myself like an idiot. I had so many questions to ask Syaoran when he came back. Why he didn't mail me until now, why he didn't show any signs of his existence all these years until now. Oooh he was going to get it when he came back. I giggled.  
  
But I didn't think on the negative side of his return. I didn't know I might endanger his life, or anything as dramatic as that. Yet sometimes, life was full of surprises.  
  
  
  
  
AN: Syaoran will be back in the next chapter =) Hmmm...so yes, a little bit more of Yori is shown in this chapter. He has a bad (or you could call abusive) family...hmmm how will this effect him? And what about Sakura...hmm...read on, things are getting niffy now ^^ R+R =)!   
  
P.S- updates may be slower due to homework piling up at rapid speed -_- GAHH I miss summer.  
  
  
  
  
  



	6. Floating

  
  
  
  
  
AN: Aiyz thankies for the reviews ^^ Ahhh they're so comforting =P Well, things are rolling on now and I would like to stress that you have read the **warning in Ch.1** because I don't want to write something and then have you guys going "OMG, THIS IS SO WRONG, I HATE YOU" or something along those lines. Remember, I have warned you to read the warning numerous times...mehehehe ^^;; And with the warning you might be able to guess what might happen. Anyways, onto Ch. 6. =)  
  
OH, I almost forgot. To um, I think it was Summer Rain, you were on the right track before =P I just wanted to show a bit more of Yori's background which should explain future things a bit better...so yes...his dad is not that much of an important character. He's just...there, lol ^^;;  
  
Disclaimer: CCS doesn't belong to me, it belongs to CLAMP =(  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Paper Stars  
Chapter Six: Floating

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
-Back into the future (at the hospital)-  
  
Syaoran's Point of View  
  
  
I sat mesmerized by her sweet voice, the loveliest music to my ears. She still wasn't facing me, but her voice brought me pure joy and comfort. Sakura Kinomoto was actually speaking, and telling me what happened whether she knew so or not. But I believed, that Sakura was waking up from her little fantasy world. She was coming back to reality with every word she spoke.  
  
So I listened.  
  
"And Syaoran's e-mail brought the sun back and burned away all the bad," her voice continued to say. "But what puzzled me the most was Tomoyo. She called the next morning, a Saturday I remembered clearly. Instead of sounding excited, she seemed worried. Distraught. A negative emotion."  
  
I swallowed, wondering what she would say next.  
  
And she surprised me yet again. Turning to look over her shoulder, her emerald eyes were not dull and glazed, but glassy. That was a change. This was probably the first time the real Sakura Kinomoto looked me in the eye eversince she sank into insanity. I felt my heart beat quicken, my palms going clammy with anxiety. "...Sakura."  
  
"But I never got to ask Tomoyo about her queer behavior. No...I didn't," her voice grew soft and shaky. "Someday I wish someone would tell me."  
  
I wondered if that was hinting towards me. I could guess a reason about Daidouji-san's behavior, though I'll never be a hundred percent sure.   
  
Before my arrival at Tomoeda after five years of absence, I had called Daidouji-san's house before e-mailing Sakura. I didn't know why I had done that, perhaps I had been shy due to the emotions running in my mind. And so, when I announced my return, Daidouji-san had squealed so loudly that it made me wince and drop the phone. I didn't know why, but maybe because I knew Daidouji was probably almost a sister to Sakura, so I told her everything.  
  
I told her about my training to become the leader of the Li Clan. I told her about the elders being strict and cutting off my chances of communication to Japan or anyone that would bother my training. But even if the elders did do that, Sakura would dance around in my mind from time to time. But most importantly, I told Daidouji-san about my feelings towards her best friend. I told her that the thing I wanted to tell Sakura when I came back was a simple three-letter phrase. Anyone could guess now.  
  
Yes...the simple phrase you would find on Valentine heart candies. Yet, when I told Daidouji-san, her squealing and delighted voice seemed to evapourate in a second. I didn't know then, why she had a sudden 90-degree turn in her voice. But when I actually arrived and placed my feet on Tomoeda soil, I knew then that Daidouji-san was worried for me.  
  
For my heart being crushed.  
  
Because when I came back to a place I use to call home, Sakura had a boyfriend. That would be like a slap in the face, but strangely, I was calm. I didn't overreact, nor did I jump out and rip that boy apart.  
  
"And then I finally fell asleep and woke up on a bright, sunny morning. The day Syaoran returned."  
  
I looked back at her, shaking my thoughts out of my head and returned my full attention to her and only her. I can deal with my own thoughts later, but now I will simply sit on the white hospital bed and listen to my ying fa tell her story. Whether it will end good, or bad, I will always stand by her. I will help her recover.  
  
  
  
  


*

  
  
  
-Back to the past (Sakura's story)-  
  
  
  
  
I had leapt out of bed in such a quick manner that I had fallen off my feet when I landed on the carpet. Sprawled on the carpet, I couldn't care less because I had finally awoke from last night's sleep which meant that today was...well, today. I'll call it Syaoran Day-- or not. That sounds kind of...strange. I'll just call it Saturday. Yes, it was a Saturday morning and I would probably be seeing Syaoran in less then twenty-four hours.  
  
But then I realized he didn't really tell me when he would arrive or where he was living. I wondered if he still had his old apartment here, or if his family had sold it...I would have to ask him when I saw him! Maybe he still remembered where I lived...and maybe he'll just pop up and surprise me. As all these possibilities ran through my mind, I heard the sizzling of oil on the pan and onii-chan using the washroom.  
  
Living with him for so long, I can even tell what his footsteps sound like compared to otou-san's. Excitedly, I hurried out of my bedroom and knocked on the washroom door in a light rhythm. "Hayaku onii-chan~! I've got to use the washrooom and they you can use it tooo but after when I'm done," I sang childishly but I still didn't care because Syaoran was coming back!  
  
I heard the tap stop running as Touya opened the door with his toothbrush sticking out from his mouth. He glared at me and mumbled in a barely understandable voice, "Kaipoo, oop tso erky."  
  
I blinked at him confusedly before he shook his head and retreated into the bathroom. A few seconds later he came out again without the toothbrush, placing a hand on the doorframe. "Kaijuu what are you doing?! Up so early..."  
  
Beaming, I ducked under his arm and into the bathroom. "Arigatou onii-chan! Neh, you're the best best best onii-chan anyone could ever ask for!" I giggled at his face which seemed utterly perplexed. After a moment of silence, he ruffled my hair and made a face.  
  
"But you're still a kaijuu," he stated and went downstairs.  
  
Smiling to myself, I brushed my teeth and washed my face while humming a tune to myself. Glancing down at my wrist, I noticed it wasn't as red as last night. Just a bit pink in the tone and wasn't too noticeable to the human eye. Satisfied, I joined my family downstairs at breakfast which was already laid out and waiting for me to devour. Skipping to my seat, I noticed otou-san and onii-chan were both giving me a curious glance.  
  
"What's causing our dear Sakura-chan to be go genki early in the morning? And it's a Saturday too," Fujitaka laughed but curiosity danced in his gaze.  
  
I jabbed my fork into two pancakes, stuffing half of them into my mouth and nearly choked. Gulping down a glass of orange juice, I regained my composure and replied merrily, "An old friend's coming back!"  
  
Touya twitched and stopped mid-way from biting into his pancake. "Who?"  
  
I turned to him, still smiling. "I don't know if you remember him or not, but it's Li Syaoran! You know, the guy...with the brown eyes and stuff?" I turned to dad and added, "Remember his mother? Yelan Li?"  
  
My otou-san nodded slowly, "Yes...now that you bring it up, I do remember the Li's...the Li Clan wasn't it?"  
  
"Hai! And now he's coming back," I finished off my pancakes and grinned.  
  
Touya twitched once more before slapping his glass of orange juice onto the table's surface. "Ah that chinese gaki is back...bah, why is he back? No one wants him around in Hong Kong? Or did he get kicked out of his so called clan thing?" Touya muttered all the while glaring at his plate.  
  
I pouted and shook my head, "No, he's just coming to visit! I think at least...and why do you have to be so mean to him?! You never told me why..."  
  
"Touya-kun didn't tell you?" Otou-san echoed in amusement. "Ah, well it's because Li-kun broke his Barbie."  
  
Touya twitched and cleared his throat awfully loud. "Now, let us forget what we have just heard and have a peaceful breakfast with nothing about the gaki and nothing about the past and--"  
  
I burst out laughing while onii-chan turned a shade of red to blue to purple. Shaking with laughter, I managed to get a hold of myself before asking, "Nani?! When did you ever have a Barbie?! I thought I was the only one back then into Barbies! AHAHAHAHAHA, it runs in the family!" I declared while choking with restrained laughter.  
  
Onii-chan glared and sighed in defeat. "Bah, it wasn't exactly my Barbie," he sent another glare to otou-san who sweatdropped. "It was actually yours, kaijuu. You thought you lost your gymnastics Barbie but actually I had confined it in my room because uh...yes. Just because."  
  
"Because he needed a female figurine to play the role of something...if I do remember correctly," Otou-san continued with thought. "I think Touya only had soldiers and he wanted to play make-believe."  
  
"OTOU-SAN!" Touya nearly shrieked.  
  
I choked on my juice and spat it back into the cup. "Onii-chan! I never knew you would steal your own little sister's Barbie! Shame on you!" I pointed an accusing finger at him while laughing. "And why would you hate Li-kun so much if he broke MY Barbie?!"  
  
"Well, it had been a year already so it kind of became MINE," Touya grunted.  
  
A whole new wave of laughter hit me as I continued, "So you don't deny the fact that you did have a Barbie!"  
  
"GAH, KAIJUU!"  
  
"Hehehehe, I know one of onii-chan's deep dark secrets!!" I sing-songed teasingly as I jumped up from my seat. "I suppose you fell in love with my Barbie since you're still so upset about Li-kun breaking it! Well, I'm going to call Tomoyo and ask her about something. Ja!"  
  
I turned away from the steaming Touya and my amused dad and quickly ran to the living room. Picking up the receiver, I speed dialed Tomoyo's, my adrenalin running like crazy in my veins. After three rings, Tomoyo's voice rang clearly into the phone. "Moshi moshi, Daidouji residence."  
  
"Tomoyo-chan!!" I squealed. "You know, Syaoran comes back TODAY!" I nearly screamed into the phone and realized I could very well be making Tomoyo deaf. Sweatdropping, I quickly apologized.  
  
"Ohoho, it's ok Sakura-chan!" Tomoyo assured in a bright tone. "Seeing you so excited and happy for Li-kun's return makes me happy too! Ano, do you know what time he arrived?"  
  
I bit my lip in thought. Sighing, I shook my head to myself before replying, "Iie...he only e-mailed me before he went on the plane last night..."  
  
"Which means..." Tomoyo seemed to be hinting something.  
  
I blinked and thought a bit more. "Which means...?" I echoed uncertainly.  
  
Tomoyo giggled and said, "You silly girl! It doesn't take a whole night for him to fly from Hong Kong to Japan!"  
  
Letting Tomoyo's words sink in, I nearly jumped up and hit the ceiling. Hopping from one foot to the other, I replied in utmost zest. "HOE!! Tomoyo-chan!! Do you know what that means?! It means he's probably HERE, in Tomoeda! Oooh, Tomoyo-chan!!" I paused and suddenly realized something. "Hoe? Do you think I'll still be able to recognize him? Hoee...what if he's here and I walk by him and I don't even know it's him?!"  
  
Tomoyo giggled once more, this time a strange knowing giggle. I wondered what was up, but kept it to myself as Tomoyo replied. "Weeelll, as a matter of fact...you do know that I knew before you about Li-kun's return..."  
  
"...Hai..." I answered slowly, wanting to clearly understand Tomoyo. Right now, I could tell she was trying to make me anxious on purpose. Grumbling, I nearly screamed once more. "Tomoyo!! You're hiding something!!"  
  
"Ohohoho, you know me too well," Tomoyo stated and I agreed fully. "Well, he's here!"  
  
"Yes, I know," I mumbled. "But where..."  
  
Tomoyo laughed, "Here, silly!"  
  
"Tomoyyoooo stopped talking like that! I understand you yet I don't think I'm getting the right idea because the tone of your voice tells me that there's something to what you're saying!" I whined.  
  
She paused and seemed to be mumbling something not audible to me before replying, "Ano...I have to go to the bathroom."  
  
"NANI?!" I shrieked. "TOMOYO! You can't leave me right now when you're trying to tell me something! You're not going to be that cruel and just leave me hanging, right?!" I asked in a hopeful voice.  
  
I could imagine Tomoyo giggling before her voice came back, "Well, someone else will hold onto the phone while I'm in the bathroom. Ok?"  
  
"Hoe??" I blinked in confusion. "What do you mean?!"  
  
I got no reply.  
  
Growling in annoyance, I was about to hang up the phone when some noises came from the other end of the phone. Raising the phone back to my ear, I was just in time to hear a voice.  
  
"...Hello?"  
  
I swallowed. It was a male voice. A deep, gentle, male voice. I swallowed once more. Tomoyo's...brother? But she didn't have a brother...Tomoyo's father? But...Tomoyo's father had died when she was a child...Tomoyo had a boyfriend?! HOE!! That was it! Maybe that was why she had been acting so weird before!  
  
"HOE!!! You're Tomoyo-chan's boyfriend!!" I squealed in delight.  
  
I heard a cough from the other end and wondered why Tomoyo's boyfriend was being so shy. Enthusiastically, I continued speaking. "Don't be shy! I'm like a sister to Tomoyo-chan! If you want to know what she likes, or what to get her for Christmas, I'm the one to ask! I can tell you all about Tomoyo, and you'll know her inside out! I mean, I even know her deepest secrets, but I can't tell you that unless she allows me too...demo, I still know alot more! Like--" I was speaking so fast that I had to suck in a breath. I was about to continue when the voice cut in.  
  
"Sakura."  
  
I choked on my own tongue and went into a fit of coughing before asking in surprise, "How do you know my name?!"  
  
"Sakura, I'm--"  
  
"Oooh! Of course! Tomoyo would have told you about me!" I laughed at my own stupidity. "Ano, where are you from? When did you meet Tomoyo-chan?! You don't sound like a guy from our school--"  
  
"SAKURA!!"  
  
I held the phone away from my ear before grimacing. "Aiy, why did you just scream my name?"  
  
"You're not letting me talk," he muttered and continued before I could answer. "I'm not Daidouji-san's boyfriend."  
  
More surprise rang through my mind. Daidouji-san? Oh dear...I had just made an awfully embarrassing mistake...me and my stupid brain... "Hoeee....gomen-nasai!! I was thinking too quickly and--"  
  
"It's okay," he cut in and chuckled. "You can stop talking so fast. Breathe."  
  
I let out a breath and laughed. "How'd you know I wasn't breathing?"  
  
"I just know," he said casually. "Demo, Sakura..."  
  
Then it finally sunk in that this guy was calling me by my first name...why would some stranger call me by my first name? Confused, I thought about the males that did call me by my first name...Yori, sometimes onii-chan, otou-san...Yukito-san...that was pretty much it...well...wait. Time seemed to stop as another name surfaced from my muddled mind. I gasped as his voice came clear and rich.  
  
"I'm Li Syaoran."  
  
  
  


*

  
  
  
My mind was a swirl of colours as I skated down the familiar street to Tomoyo's mansion. That deep, rich voice kept ringing in my mind as my heart beat quickened with exhilaration. I had been such an idiot, jumping to conclusions and thinking he was Tomoyo's boyfriend...I laughed to myself as the cherry blossoms pranced in the air, eventually falling to the ground beneath them.  
  
"I'm Li Syaoran."  
  
That statement had caused me to fall silent before screaming so loudly that both onii-chan and otou-san had come running in, asking if I was in danger or something. I guessed he must've winced at how loudly I had yelped, but he had chuckled and I had said I was going to Tomoyo's right away.  
  
And that was where I was going now. To Tomoyo's. The nerve of her for keeping this from me! She had Syaoran staying at her house for a good whole day and she didn't even let it slip! Oooh she was going to get it when I saw her! Smiling to myself, my excitement grew as I reached the iron gates which were open and welcoming me in. I wasted no time and skated the fastest I had ever skated and nearly rammed into the solid oak door.  
  
Ringing the doorbell twice while taking off my roller-blades, I thought an hour had elapsed in a mere minute. Ringing it once more, the door finally clicked open to reveal Tomoyo's cheery eyes. "Oh hello Sakura-chan!" she greeted as if it were some normal event.  
  
Jumping into the house, I quickly grabbed her hand. "Where is he?! Oooh Tomoyo!! How could you!! You're so evil!" I accused and laughed at the same time. "Your punishment will be..." I pretended to be in deep thought before brightly continuing, "not wearing your clothes for three months!"  
  
I burst out laughing at Tomoyo's expression of utter horror before she shrieked, "Iie!!! Sakura-chan!! You can't do this to me! Onegai?!" She grabbed both of my hands, her eyes turning round and hopeful.  
  
Laughing, I loosened her grip from my hands and smiled, "I was just joking with you Tomoyo!"  
  
My friend let out a grateful sigh before she looked up at me with twinkling eyes. "Demo, I bet you're desperate to see Li-kun! Neh?"  
  
"Of course I am!" I cried in exasperation and ushered her up the stairs. "You're hiding him upstairs aren't you? Or downstairs? Or maybe in the back yard? Oooh where is he Tomoyo-chan?!"  
  
Tomoyo giggled and took my hand, leading me pass her room and her mother's to a room I hadn't been in before. The door was closed, with a pair of green slippers laying beside it. I glanced from the slippers to the door and reality finally sank in. Syaoran was in the room, just a wall away. It was so much closer then the ocean and the towns that had separated us for five years.  
  
Without a moment's delay, I grabbed the knob and opened the door with such force that it swung back and hit the wall. Running in literally blindly, I first took in the room that was utterly green. Green bed covers, green carpet, green curtains...every bit Syaoran. At least, the Syaoran I remembered. Catching my breath, I finally noticed the figure coming back from the balcony adjoining the room. As the figure slid back the glass door separating the room to the balcony, he finally looked up and met my gaze.  
  
I felt my breath catch as familiar amber eyes that never left my mind met my gaze. This time, in reality. A few strands of his messy chocolate hair fell into his eyes, his lean and tall figure dressed in a forest green sweater and khakis. I finally managed to suck in a breath, afraid I would break this perfect moment and wake up to find out this was one of my silly dreams again.  
  
Cautiously, I opened my mouth.  
  
"...Syaoran?"  
  
The young man didn't respond. I was suddenly afraid that this wasn't him. I forgot that we were in Tomoyo's house, I forgot that Tomoyo was probably standing behind me. I forgot that the room even existed. But only he was standing before me. And finally, he nodded. I let out a breath. His lips parted. He was going to speak. Anticipation coursed through me like nothing before.  
  
"Sakura."  
  
That voice. The same voice from the phone. It was different than in my memories, but Li Syaoran was no longer an eleven-year-old boy making paper stars with me. He was a seventeen-year-old young man. But nonetheless, I was sure that he was still the Li Syaoran I had known.  
  
And his next movements confirmed my thoughts.  
  
He was walking across the room, coming closer to me by the second. My breath was coming short once again, but I didn't care. At last, he was a few feet away from me, his hand rummaging in his pocket before finally pulling out a miniature jar. A jar filled with beautiful green paper stars. If I wasn't mistaken, those were the very stars I had gave him the day he left.  
  
Looking into his eyes, he merely nodded, once again confirming my thoughts.  
  
I finally found myself falling back to reality, and without thinking, I had jumped onto him and embraced him in a bear hug. He stumbled back a few steps, but that didn't matter. He smelled of pines and the scent of airplanes. Smiling the widest smile I had ever smiled, I felt his arms wrap around me and I felt like I could feel his smile too.  
  
Yet that moment of pure bliss was shattered when I heard Tomoyo cough slightly and I turned to look over my shoulder.  
  
And to my utter confusion, I met the deep green eyes of a familiar somebody.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
AN: Mehehehehe, so sorry for the long update. School. Yep, it's all the school's fault. Mehehehe ^^;; Well, R+R and more Syaoran in the next chapter of course =)   
  
  
  
  



	7. Breath

  
  
  
  
  
AN: Whoo thanks for all the reviews on Ch.6! It got me all inspired and ready to complete Ch.7 =)   
  
Oh, and note to Jade, wow you're observant ^^ I thought no one would catch the symbolism about the weather. Ahaha, good job ^^  
  
  
Disclaimer: CCS doesn't belong to me, it belongs to CLAMP =(  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Paper Stars  
Chapter Seven: Breath  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Maybe it was the thought of yesterday night that chilled me to the bone, or maybe it was just the simple fact that my own boyfriend was suddenly at the door with this unreadable expression on his handsome features. And maybe it was because I was in the arms of another man that made me feel as if I had done something utterly wrong. Which I had.  
  
Jumping out of Syaoran's arms, I quickly turned around fully to face Yori. I glanced at Tomoyo who was not meeting my gaze. I didn't understand why she was avoiding my gaze. Had she called Yori over? How else would he had known I was over here...but why had she called him over? Yet, I didn't mind...right? Yori was my boyfriend after all...it would be wonderful for Syaoran to meet Yori and vice versa. We could all be great friends.   
  
That was my naive idea.  
  
"Yori-kun!" I greeted brightly and hurried over to his still figure. When I got no reply, I looked up at him to see that he was looking at Syaoran. I shifted my gaze to Syaoran who was looking back at Yori with a steady gaze. Not liking the silence, I tugged at Yori's arm. "Um, Yori? This is Li Syaoran," I waved a hand in Syaoran's direction. "He's an old friend of mine back when we were in elementary school," I smiled fondly at the memories. "And Syaoran, this is Nishio Yori...um, my boyfriend," I didn't know why I was hesitant to say it.  
  
Syaoran nodded stiffly, his face suddenly blank as he looked at me with this strange gaze. I stared at him in wonderment before his lips parted. "Sakura--"  
  
But I didn't hear him finish when Yori yanked my arm hard. I snapped my head towards him in shock as he turned to stare at me. "Let's go," he muttered in a barely audible voice.  
  
When I hesitated to go, he nearly glared at me and I could only manage a nod and let him lead me out of the room. I looked over my shoulder to catch those familiar amber eyes one last time before I completely lost sight of him. His eyes...they held so much emotion that I couldn't decipher. Was it hopefulness? Sorrow? I couldn't tell...and Tomoyo turned to look at me with worried eyes as she mouthed an, "It'll be ok," to me.  
  
Turning back to Yori, I couldn't see his face as he opened the front doors of Tomoyo's mansion. As we speed walked out of the gardens and onto the street, I had no idea where we were going. My mind was reeling with thoughts. What would Syaoran think? I didn't even get to say good-bye...he must've thought I was a rude, selfish girl...only wanting to be with her boyfriend. I frowned deeply at that thought. What a great first impression after five years...  
  
With all these thoughts, I didn't realize it until the sun seemed to have stopped shining and the shadows enveloped the area around us. Yori had stopped walking and was still not facing me. I slowly squirmed out of his tight grasp, rubbing my wrist once more. Looking around me, I realized we were in the forest near the local library. At least, that was what I thought.  
  
Slowly, I dared to speak up. "Yori? Daijoubu? ...Did anything happen yesterday after I had gone?" I asked worriedly as I stepped closer to his seemingly frozen figure. "Are you hurt?"  
  
Silence.  
  
A few birds called into the still air, the tree's leaves creating a thick canopy above us. I gripped the edge of my sleeves nervously, opening my mouth to speak up when he finally spoke.  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
Letting out a breath of relief, I managed a small smile. "Want to go to my house? We can have lunch--"  
  
"Why?" He questioned as he turned around slowly.  
  
I took it as a silly question and giggled. "Because it's lunch time soon and it would be nice if you could--"  
  
"Why?" He repeated in a dangerously low voice. His eyes finally flashed and met mine. I suddenly felt scared. I shook myself. I shouldn't be scared. Yori was my boyfriend...I had feelings for him. All these thoughts evapourated as he continued. "Why? Why do you have to do that behind my back?! WHY?"  
  
I blinked in astonishment as confusion filled my mind. "...Nani (what)?"  
  
He grabbed me by the shoulders in such quick motion that I was too slow to react. "Sakura, dear, dear Sakura. You wouldn't, right?" he asked with hopeful eyes. Eyes filled with fear. Why was _he_ afraid? "...You wouldn't leave me. Wouldn't leave me for another guy, right? I'm your number one...I'm your boyfriend..." he said with a strange smile forming on his lips.  
  
Instead of feeling relieved that he was smiling, I shivered. "...Of course you're my boyfriend..." I managed in a squeaky voice.  
  
"No, that's not my point...not my point at all..." he mumbled quickly. "You won't leave me," it seemed like a statement more than a question. And suddenly his eyes flared and I thought maybe it had been a statement.  
  
I nodded slowly, and he glared this furious glare that seemed to push me back in a mental sort of way.  
  
"Sakura, you liar," he growled.  
  
My heart jumped and my stomach flipped. He pushed me away and I hit a tree painfully. Wincing, I regained my balance as he advanced like cat to mouse. His expression was stony, cold, and lifeless. Not the usual Yori I knew. The kind, loving Yori. The brilliant, genius Yori.  
  
"So when I'm not around," he began in a shaky voice, "you go around having fun with other guys."  
  
I looked at him with wide-eyes. "No! Of course not! Yori, what are you--"  
  
Before I could finish I felt a sharp blow, an exploding pain, on the side of my face. An alarm seemed to have come off in my brain as I felt the ground come at me from beneath and the sky above a swirl of blue and white. I blinked rapidly, feeling numb and wondering why I was sprawled on the leaf covered dirt. The throbbing of my cheek suddenly reminded me of Yori who stood above me, his hand still wrapped in a fist. A fist that had met my cheek.  
  
"Shut. Up," he muttered, his fist shaking. "You can't lie to me anymore. I saw it with my own eyes. You were hugging him like he was your prince charming or something. You never hugged me like that. You never held so much happiness in your gaze when you see me," he said bitterly. "Females. You're all good for nothing whores. I should have known. Father was right," he spat. "Mother is a whore, you're a whore, all of you!" he pointed a shaking finger at me.  
  
"And I thought you were different," his voice was soft now. Almost normal, but I knew that this wasn't the Yori I knew. That glint in his eyes told me that I was still in danger zone. "I thought you were a nice girl. I was determined to prove my father wrong. There were good girls out there, like you," he said pleasantly and laughed a hollow laugh. "I'm a fool. A stupid idiot to have thought you would be loyal, loving, and a perfect girlfriend..." he mumbled as he stared off into the distance. "You're deceiving, Kinomoto."  
  
I swallowed, feeling lost and dizzy, his words coming in small phrases to my ears. "Yori..." I managed to say before his eyes darted back to me. He crouched down, tilted his head, and seemed to observe me. I breathed in shakily, my body shaking with fear and confusion. "I didn't. I swear. He's just a friend, I was happy to see him," I mumbled, not really knowing what I was saying.  
  
He grabbed my chin and tilted my head up to look him in the eye.  
  
The last thing I saw before darkness welcomed me was his eyes staring back at me with the blankness of a dead soul.  
  
  
  


*

  
  
  
  
-Syaoran's Point of View- (Still in the past)  
  
  
  
As that mysterious boy pulled my ying fa out of the room, I could only stare after her longingly. So, she had a boyfriend. She was in a relationship. She was...happy. And I was happy for her. No, that would be a lie.  
  
I was depressed. I felt something punching at my chest repeatedly. I felt my walls crumble and my hope flicker. All these years of hopeful images, all these years of dreams. All shattered in one second. I suddenly liked the time when I didn't know the truth. The time when I could sit at home and dream of meeting Sakura one day and confessing. Then we'd walk off to who knows where. But it would be a beautiful place with only me and her.  
  
Falling back to reality, I looked at Daidouji-san who looked sadly back at me.  
  
"Gomen," came her melodic voice. "I...I called Nishio-kun to come, because...well, I thought it was for the best," she admitted. "I...I didn't want to tell you over the phone. You would never come back...and Sakura...Sakura-chan wants her...friend back," her voice was strained.  
  
I flinched when she said 'friend'. Sure. The three of us had been great friends back then. Especially Sakura and I. We were the duo, always together. If you couldn't find Sakura, just come and find me and you'd find her. Simplicity was nice. But simplicity was not the case at the moment.  
  
I finally nodded at Daidouji-san. I was actually...grateful. Grateful that she had let me see the boy Sakura was with. Somehow, I knew it would be less painful then finding out later. Yes...get it all over with.  
  
Daidouji-san sighed and I was forced to look back at her. She had grown as well. Also into a beautiful young woman. Daidouji-san had beauty, it was very obvious. But Sakura had more subtle features. An appearance that you would want to keep on looking at. A beauty that didn't seem to shine at its greatest until you looked at her more and more. Maybe you wouldn't notice at first glance, but the more you looked, the more you discovered. That was Sakura.  
  
"I...I don't know what I'm about to say, but something has been bugging me," said Daidouji-san as she looked at me sincerely. "Sakura has been very happy with Nishio-kun. I've been worried because I know your feelings for her...and I also know what might be deep in her heart."  
  
I stared at her quizzically, not comprehending what she was saying.  
  
"Sakura is a sister to me," she stated fondly and a small smile lit her face. "Demo, I want to see true happiness from her."  
  
"And she has that," I couldn't keep the bitterness from my voice.  
  
Daidouji-san shook her head, her long black curls shaking around her as she did so. "No, I don't see the happiness that I know would be possible if it were you," she looked me directly in the eye. "If it were you, standing in Nishio-kun's position..."  
  
"Nani?!" I yelped and stared at Daidouji in shock.  
  
"I know I shouldn't be saying this behind Sakura-chan's back...but sometimes even yourself cannot tell you what you're feeling," she explained. "So you need the people around you to tell you. And I can tell, that Sakura-chan is not 100% happy. I don't know why, I don't know how I see it, but there's something missing. Nishio-kun and Sakura have the chemistry going, they look great together, but why is there something that seems out of place?" She pondered out loud and smiled at me. "It's you, Li-kun."  
  
"...Why would I have anything to do with Sakura's love life," I grumbled.  
  
Daidouji-san giggled, the seriousness seeping away from her face. "Eversince you left, Sakura missed you with all her heart. You were part of her, physically, mentally, emotionally. You would know each other inside out. I hate to admit, but you guys had a deeper connection then even Sakura and me five years later. I know for a fact that you never left her mind," each word engraved itself in my mind as I listened to her.  
  
"I believe that you would bring Sakura true happiness," she finished. "Whatever Sakura-chan is feeling now...is not what she really wants. I know I'm sounding as if I'm psychic or something, but I just know...growing up with Sakura-chan, I can read her like a book," she stated and grinned back at me. "I have confidence in you, Li-kun."  
  
And somehow, her words made me want to stay in Tomoeda. I no longer wanted to flee when I had first saw that boy standing behind Sakura. One possibility had rang in my mind, but I refused to believe it. But now, I was going to accept it. For now. Sakura had a boyfriend. I wouldn't be a baka and steal her away from that Nishio-kun, but I won't stand on the sidelines either.  
  
I would stay, and be the friend that she didn't have for five years. That simple thought brought a smile to my lips.  
  
  
  


*

  
  
  
  
-Sakura's Point of View-  
  
  
  
I had a dream.  
  
The dream was surreal, a dream that didn't make sense. I was going down a slide and I never reached the bottom because I had bumped into someone along the way. I couldn't see that person's face, nor their feet or anything at all. But I somehow knew that it was a person, blocking my way down. The person would have scared me, and yet I was calm.   
  
Childishly, I whined and asked, "Why are you blocking my way? I want to slide all the way down! You're making it no fun," I had squealed in complaint.  
  
The person paused before replying, "No Sakura, don't go all the way down."  
  
And I looked up so see a face hidden from me by the shadows. "Why? I want to go down," I said stubbornly, wondering why this person had to mind my business. Afterall, I was just on a slide. There was nothing wrong with that.  
  
"No Sakura," that voice repeated once more. It was a familiar voice, a warm voice. "If you go down, you can't come back up."  
  
"So what?" I pouted.  
  
"Then you can't slide down this slide ever again," the voice explained.  
  
Confusion came at me as my brow furrowed. "You make no sense," I accused and attempted to push the figure off the slide. "So if I go down, I can't come back again. I'd never be able to slide down this slide more than once!"   
  
"Maybe," the voice replied. "But I'll always be here to stop you before you go too far. I'll always be here to block you from sliding all the way down. That way, you can always slide on this slide, but you'll have to jump off now before it's too late."  
  
I frowned deeply and questioned, "Why do you want to help me?"  
  
But I never got a reply as I felt the slide disappear from beneath me and the blackness melting away as light cracked through from some unseen opening. An unbearable throbbing awoke me from my dream as my eyes cracked opened one at a time. An unfamiliar room met my gaze as I sat up slowly. Deep green bedcovers wrapped me up in a cocoon as I touched my cheek tentatively. It hurt.  
  
"Sakura?"  
  
That voice.  
  
I felt an alarm go off in my head once more as I pulled the covers back and made a movement to get out of the bed. A gentle hand pushed me back and made me lie back down again. The room was dimly lit, and it was then that I noticed him.  
  
Yori.  
  
"...Yori...?" I asked, unsure.  
  
The figure came closer and nodded, turning on the small lamp sitting on the night stand next to the bed. Immediately I saw his eyes staring back at me, and it was then that my alarm went off and I felt myself relax. His eyes seemed normal. They were no longer a darker hue, nor flaring with intensity. This was...nice Yori. Not bad Yori, as I had come to call the two different behaviours of him...  
  
"Sakura...I'm so sorry," he groaned as he took my hand slowly, caressing my palm. "I just overreacted...I was so confused when I saw you and him together. I jumped to conclusions...I--"  
  
I shushed him softly, though I felt my heart beat was irregular. Perhaps I was still in a state of shock. "...It's fine Yori."  
  
"...You forgive me?"  
  
I bit my lip. His eyes were filled with such hope, he looked like a lost little boy. How could I say no? I shouldn't have been hugging another boy in the first place...I shouldn't have made Yori sad...I shouldn't have disappointed him...all these weird, alien, senseless thoughts filled my mind as I nodded. A dashing smile lit his face.  
  
I sighed in relief.  
  
If I could make Yori forever smile like that, then all was good.  
  
Yori just had a bad day...caught him at the wrong time...bad Yori didn't mean it. I reassured myself and smiled lightly as I sat up once more. I would be optimistic about all that had happened... He looked at me worriedly as he placed a hand on my shoulder. "Are you sure you can get up?"  
  
"Hai..." I sat up and threw the covers back. "See?"  
  
He nodded and took my hand, holding it comfortingly in his. "You know what Sakura?"  
  
"Hmm?" Suddenly I was afraid again.  
  
"I love you, I really do," he mumbled shakily and his grip tightened. "If you were to ever leave me, I wouldn't know what to do without you. You're my shining beacon that leads my way. You're that special person that keeps me sane," he said everything slowly, making sure I understood him.  
  
And I did.  
  
He loved me...he cared...he didn't want me to leave him...  
  
"I don't know what will happen if you do leave me, Sakura," he said with a strange glint in his eyes. "Anything could happen," he said lightly. "But you're here with me now, everything's fine," he smiled. "Want to go and get some ice cream?"  
  
I felt my stomach squirm. Why did his words make me shiver, why did his words make me feel doubt. Why did his words bring fear, and why did his words make me worry? Something was wrong. Very wrong. And I couldn't grab onto it, I was so confused, so lost. So much had happened in such a short time....something in my mind told me to relax. Another part of me wanted to yank my hand back and run, telling me this was not safe. There was something wrong with it all.  
  
But then, something seemed to sink in as I replayed his words. He loved me. He didn't want me to leave.   
  
"Lots of things can happen..." he repeated once more, though his voice seemed to be an echo at the back of my mind. "I could become all mean again, which I really don't want to be...and I might hurt people that I don't want to hurt. You wouldn't want anyone to be hurt..."  
  
His words sank into me, carving itself into my very soul. Realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I _didn't_ have a choice. Somehow, in the matter of an hour, I had got myself stuck. I had slid down into that slide that once you slid down, you couldn't come back up. I finally understood his words. I finally understood that if I did have a choice, I would be causing people harm. But...he wouldn't. He was Yori...  
  
Yori was nice and kind...he wouldn't hurt other people to simply keep me at his side forever. He wouldn't...he wouldn't...  
  
"...believe me Sakura, have I ever lied to you?"  
  
And then I sat there, in utter silence as I turned to look into his eyes.  
  
Those eyes. I no longer saw the twinkling, warm eyes I had saw a day ago. I found myself lost, lost in my mind, lost in his eyes, lost in the world I had very suddenly fallen into. He couldn't keep me at his side. Not after he had hurt me. He couldn't...what was I thinking. I had to get a grip on myself.  
  
I had a right to hug Syaoran. I had a right to be excited for seeing him after five years...I wasn't the one wrong. Yori was. My mind seemed to suddenly clear for a second as I regained my senses.  
  
"No," I suddenly spoke up, snapping my head back at him. Pushing him away, I stood up and put on my sneakers. "You can't. You don't have the right to make me forgive you after you hurt me," I said shakily as I backed away from his expressionless face. "Life is about choices, and my choice is to leave," I said firmly as I fumbled with the knob.  
  
Thankfully, it opened easily and I opened the door hastily and stepped out.   
  
"I love you Sakura," came his voice.  
  
I stopped short, shaking my head as I looked over my shoulder. "What are you saying?! You're making no sense, I think you have...problems," I muttered, not thinking clearly enough to think of an intelligent word. "Good bye, Nishio-kun," I said forcefully.  
  
He smiled and I quickly turned away and headed down the spiraling staircase. But as I headed downstairs and away from his room, I heard him as clear as a bell.  
  
"If you walk out of this house, consider yourself a murderer. Remember everything I've told you..."  
  
I swallowed, my cheek swelling and bruised, my heart ramming against my chest. Cold sweat trickled down my forehead as I stepped off the staircase and reached the looming double doors that separated me from the world outside. I placed a hand on the brass door knob and turned it. The clicking sound of the door encouraged me, and I swung the door back.  
  
Like I said, life is about choices. I'm choosing the way out, and he couldn't stop me.  
  
If only I had considered his words more carefully...but at that time, I did not. I had stepped out and into the afternoon sun, grateful that I was leaving that good for nothing mansion behind. I never knew I would regret. Regret, one of the worst feelings you could ever feel. Because regret gets you no where, and I was about to go no where.  
  
  
  
  
  
AN: Confused? Basically, Yori is abusive, and one could say because his family is also abusive which effects him. There are such families in the world, so I'm not entirely making this up. In a way, you can also say Yori is a bit insane. Crazy, as you can see that he thinks he can make Sakura stay with him even after he has hit her. And now you're all going, what does he mean by Sakura being a murderer? Well, you'll have to read on to see ^^;; Things are going to get depressing now -_-   
  
  
  
  
  
  



	8. Drowning

  
  
  
  
  
  
AN: Bah, I've been having weird problems where I really really really want to write but I end up sitting in my chair and staring at the screen -_- Gah, so busy but I'm making time to write, no worries! I've got another fic that will come up someday, when I finish this one probably. But I've got the first chapter written but it won't be posted yet ^^;; Welpz, back onto Ch. 8...  
  
Oh, and since I'm feeling extra giddy and bored, I'm giving a shout to all of you that reviewed **recently** ^O^||   
  
T.L. SNOW- whoa are you psychic? You are more than remotely correct =P Ahahaha, guess you don't have to read this chapter neh? (but then you'll be missing out on some S+Sness ^^;;)  
  
Yume Tenchi- thankies! Yah...when I'm typing this fic I have to think all crazy and listen to yoga music (not really but I have to imagine really weird things) to make the psychoness seem real. LOL, and yeah BLAME the school woot!  
  
cherry blossom2- phewy, I'm glad it's not that confusing. But then again predictable isn't that good either...but I rather you guys not be confused ^_^ Thanks for reviewing =)  
  
Bloodlust Night- Hmmm will it work out? Dum, dum dum~ we never know =P Yes, I want to shoot Yori too, but then the story would go no where so I guess I can't shoot him yet ^^  
  
Aaruki-chan- Hai, hai, very poor Sakura -_- But she gets Syaoran so she's very lucky ^.^|| Thanks so much for your support =)  
  
Christina- Yep, things like this happen all the time, sadly. You're saying exactly what I've been trying to explain 8) Yes, Yori needs help...but you'll have to see what happens as the story goes on. I loved your review, it was so long and meaningful =) Arigatou~  
  
LiL DuDeTte- meheheh thankies for z comments! Also, thanks for sticking to my fic since Ch.1 =)   
  
Kristi- Really? Your birthday is on Sept 20? Kewlio! One of my best friends have that b-day too =) I'm glad to have updated right before it. Think of it as a birthday present from me, lol ^.^ Happy Birthday!!  
  
BlackSpark- Yay, I'm glad you weren't confused either ^^ Ah, so you have spotted a twist? *wonders what you are thinking* mehehehe, thanks for reviewing eversince some couple of chapters ago! Keeps me going and going...  
  
Skylover- LOL, yes Yori is psycho ^^;; I'm imagining you running around in circles for some odd reason...anywho, thanks a bunchies for reviewing!  
  
Lavender-Lilacs- Wow, you know what Sakura's feeling? Oh dear, hope you're feeling better and getting through whatever it is. Yes, things like this happen everywhere, and sometimes you just can't find a way out...thanks for reviewing =)  
  
AnimeObsessionFantasy- Tee-hee, confused? Oh wellz, I'll my best in clearing it up in later chapters okai? Hehe...  
  
arrow-card- nope he's not gonna shoot himself. Sadly. Thanks for reviewing eversince Ch.1 =)  
  
Onigiri Momoko- LoL, unique and creative guess there. You will just have to see if you are correct by reading this chapter...moohahahaha...  
  
cherry li- Aw, you don't have e-mail? Pooey. And ya!!! Satay!! That rang a bell...ya, it's malay food...I remember having it at some Malaysian cuisine called Tropika. Darn good restaurant! Wa, you are Singaporean, Canadian, and Chinese? Wow, lotsa nationalities there =) Ya, Canadians rock ^O^  
  
Crazy-cherry- Yes...I am so very evil ^^;; But I'll try to update as fast as I can -_- Me and my lazy bum...ladedadeda...  
  
TaoRen- Yep, YAY Syaoran's back ^O^ There's actually S+Sness in this chapter...thanks for reviewing and not running away from my crazy fic...mehehehe ^^  
  
Yue's Lady- Mehehehe thanks for reviewing my fic eversince Ch.1! Aiya, I lurve loyal reviewers =) Mehehehe I'll try not to leave cliffies yet we never know when z evil side of me may appear...  
  
Rogue Pryde- Ahahaha, you get the chills? Ahahaha, I get the chills writing it 0.o|| Maybe I'm a bit crazy myself...oh dear . But thanks for reviewing! I really enjoyed reading it =P  
  
FlameSolo- Yesh, the bad part cannot be skipped. Because then it wouldn't make sense...but I would like to skip it, but then the story would have a big hole in it ^^;; Yes, this is the darkest thing I've written ever...mohahaha, thankies for the wondeeful review~!  
  
aZnDrEaMeR1788 - Ohoho yesh Yori is veree...bad. LoL, is he going to suicide? Hmmm...guess you'll have to read this chapter...^^  
  
bloodstain5- mehehehe, yes I hate Yori too...and yet I don't since he's kind of crazy and doesn't really get what he's doing -_- Lol, thanks for the reviews and enjoy z chapter =)  
  
lavenderalana- yesh, it's sad, happy and creepy...mehehehe I guess I wanted it to be that way 8) Hope you enjoy the rest of the fic~!  
  
liteblossomyugiluver- tee hee, thankies =) Hmmm what did Yori mean? Weeell read on and you shall findith out~ ^^  
  
BlakBluNailPolish45- yeah, it was annoying having to write so much stuff without the S+S, but then there's Yori so S+S had to wait a bit...-_- But do not worry, I shall figure things out...somehow...yesh...thankies for reading =)  
  
  
Goodness I'm tired of writing messages. LOL. Um, if I missed anyone that thinks they are a** recent** reviewer, just leave a little message in a review, alriterz? Okai, back onto the story ^^  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: CCS doesn't belong to me, it belongs to CLAMP =(  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Paper Stars  
Chapter Eight: Drowning

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I was rather annoyed by the fact that I didn't have my roller-blades. Having to walk with a swelling cheek was rather distracting. What if I bumped into someone I knew? What if I bumped into onii-chan? All these what-ifs spun in my head as I pretended to be blocking the sun from my face, but really I was blocking my probably bruised cheek. Anger boiled in me as I thought about Yori. Or should I say, Nishio-kun.  
  
But then, the night of the dinner came floating into my mind and I saw all the things he had to suffer from. Maybe he just had to release it somewhere, or to someone. And I happened to be that someone...I shook my head as I rounded the corner nearing Tomoyo's house. These thoughts didn't matter. Everything was done and gone. I was once again Sakura Kinomoto...flying solo?  
  
I stopped in front of Tomoyo's gates, looking up at the looming mansion in the distance. My finger reached for the doorbell but hesitated. She would be awfully worried at how I got a bruise on my cheek...and Syaoran...would he be worried? They would get suspicious...but something inside me was itching for me to ring the doorbell. I wanted to tell someone. I wanted to let it out and not coop it all up inside of me. Tomoyo was the one I talked to...  
  
But I didn't want her to be worried.  
  
Maybe I'd go home and rest...yes, that was a plan. I would go home and rest, do some homework, and maybe call Tomoyo after dinner before I visited. Yes, that sounded much more pleasant than prancing into her house at the very moment. Stuffing my cold hands into my pockets, I hurried past her house and down the familiar road in the direction of my house.  
  
Hoping that Touya or otou-san wasn't around, I cautiously opened the front door while pocketing my keys. They jingled lightly as I sucked in a breath. No footsteps, no loud scream of 'kaijuu' (monster). I was safe.  
  
Dropping my hand from blocking my left cheek, I hastened upstairs and crept into my room. I wasn't so sure why I was so alert, but I didn't want onii-chan questioning me. He was always the one that could see through my lies, just like Tomoyo. Afterall, he was my brother.   
  
Sighing, I walked towards my mirror and glanced at my reflection. I looked tired...a bruise mixed with blue, green, and yellow was forming near the lower portion of my left cheek. Frowning deeply, I rummaged through my drawers and finally found a bottle of foundation. It had been a present from Tomoyo, but I had rarely used it. Unscrewing the black shiny cap, I took a sponge and dabbed some of it over my bruise.  
  
I winced.  
  
I wasn't an expert on make-up and when I had finished covering my bruise, it looked like I had a circle of lighter skin on my left cheek. Groaning, I rubbed a bit off and turned my face around. It wasn't too noticeable, I convinced myself. Or maybe it was. But it was better than nothing. Satisfied, I spun the cap back on and stuffed the bottle into the depths of my messy drawers. Hopefully I wouldn't be needing any more of that.  
  
Stretching, I flopped onto my bed and sniffed the smell of laundry. My thoughts were a blur on Yori...but Syaoran...I sat up and glanced at the small bottle of pretty pink stars. A small smile tugged at the corners of my lips as I took the bottle from its sitting place and took the cork off the jar. Taking one star out, I squished it and unwrapped the knots made in the paper. When the paper star disappeared to be a strip of star paper, I read:  
_  
"Remember the time at the beach? When you went into the ocean to try and save Rika Sasaki and ended up getting caught on the rocks?"_  
  
I smiled and closed my eyes. Distant memories came together in my head, like a puzzle. Yes, I remembered. Rika was never a very good swimmer, and she was drowning that day...I had went after her and tried to save her, but I was nine then and I ended up getting my shirt caught on some of the jagged rocks. What Syaoran forgot to mention on that slip of star paper was the fact that he had saved me.  
  
I remembered how I admired his strength and bravery, the determination flaring in his young amber eyes. I re-made the paper star and tossed it back into the jar. Maybe I'd read more later, but right now I was going to get something to eat.  
  
As I headed downstairs, a note on the fridge caught my attention.  
  
"Kaijuu, make dinner and eat. I'm out with Yuki at the library. Don't ask why (you can't anyways since I'm probably out already). Otou-san will be back at 9:30 or so, don't get scared. -Touya."  
  
I glared at the word 'kaijuu' and took a pen left on the kitchen counter. Crossing it out with red ink, I stuck my tongue out back at the paper. So, I was going to be home alone until 9:30. I glanced up at the clock; 5:55.  
  
It was almost six...maybe I'd just grab a sandwich and phone up Tomoyo. Nodding to myself, I threw together a lousy sandwich consisting of cheese, lettuce, and tomatoes. Biting into it, I took the phone from the living room and speed-dialed Tomoyo's.  
  
The ringing of the phone met my ears.  
  
After several rings, I wondered if no one was home until finally I heard a click on the other end and a male voice answered.  
  
"Moshi moshi? Daidouji residence."  
  
I recognized that voice. Smiling ear to ear, I answered back cheerfully, "Konnichiwa Syaoran-kun!"  
  
I heard a kind of squeak or yelp from the other end and wondered what was wrong. After a few seconds, his voice finally answered, "Ah, er, Sakura! You want to talk to Tomoyo?"  
  
"Well, yes, sort of," I answered and another thought sprung up in my mind. "Actually, I didn't really get to talk to you this morning. I'm so sorry about the whole Yori thing but it's all good now."  
  
"Oh," his voice was flat. "So how...is he?"  
  
I bit my lip. "He's...just a friend now."  
  
"What?" I heard the confusion in his voice. "Isn't he your...boyfriend?" The word seemed strained.  
  
"Um, ex-boyfriend I guess you could say..." I sighed and breathed deeply. "Maybe I'll tell you some other time...but I want to talk about happier things!" I said on a lighter tone. "I really want to catch up with you! Are you busy?"  
  
I heard another weird noise from the other end until his voice answered, "Of course! I mean, sure, I'm not busy," he coughed.  
  
I giggled and felt my mood brighten. "Sugoi! Maybe I can meet you...at Penguin Park? Hoe...do you still remember where that is?" I questioned uncertainly as I remembered how long he hadn't been there.  
  
"Duh, of course, how many times did we go there when we were young?" His voice was cheerful and kind. I smiled and felt a weird flutter in my stomach, but I guessed it was probably my hunger from only eating a sandwich.  
  
"Great! Then I'll see you in a minute or two?"   
  
"Hai."  
  
I smiled to myself, "You sure you don't need directions?"  
  
"Positive," he chuckled. "Talk to you later."  
  
"Later," I waited until I heard a click on the other end before placing the receiver down. Stuffing the last bit of sandwich into my mouth, I hurried to get my jacket and decided to walk to the park. Afterall, it wasn't that far away and twilight air was so sweet and refreshing. Opening the door, the pink and orange sky met my eyes as I stared in awe at its beauty. Some things, no matter how many times you saw them, would always be beautiful.  
  
Watching my own shadow, I saw the top of the Penguin slide coming into view. Memories came flooding back to me like a tidal wave as I entered the park's premises. The slide, the penguins, the swing set. And that was when my eyes landed on another figure clad in that same green sweater and khakis. Happiness surged through me as I headed towards the figure's back.  
  
Creeping up to his still figure silently, I slapped both my hands onto his shoulders in quick motion. "Boo!"  
  
"Neeargh!!" I watched as he flailed his arms and stumbled forward, off the swing and spun around with his eyes alert and surprised. I broke out laughing until he finally realized I was not some attacker.  
  
"Sakura! You! I thought--you! Scared me," he panted and took in a breath, composing himself before he glared at me. That same old glare made me laugh even harder. "What's so funny?"  
  
"You! I mean, I'm laughing with you," I corrected myself quickly as Syaoran continued to glare.  
  
"But I'm not laughing!" He pointed out obviously.  
  
I laughed and edged closer before striking out a tickle attack. "Now you are!"  
  
"Sa--ku! Ra!" He was choking on his own words as he tried in vain to get away from my fingers. Suddenly, I felt my feet lift from the ground and the scenery spin around me as if it were on fast forward. Yelping in surprise, I heard laughing below and realized that he had picked me up and was spinning me around.  
  
Kicking and pouting, I stuck out my tongue. "No fair! _I_ can't pick you up."  
  
He placed me back onto the ground, his cheeks flushed and his eyes sparkling with that same sparkle I remembered five years ago. "It's good to see you again, Sakura."  
  
I forgot about being mad at him and smiled back, "Same here, Syaoran," I giggled. "You haven't changed much neh? At least you haven't gone backwards! That was what I was afraid of."  
  
"What do you mean backwards?" He asked in an offended voice.  
  
"You know, as in back to shy little Syaoran. The Syaoran I first met," I explained teasingly. "You were such a shy little boy before! I wished Tomoyo had a camera already back then! You'd be so embarrassed!"  
  
"Oh really?" He grunted and laughed. "How about you? You don't seem to have grown."  
  
"Mou!!" I whacked him on the arm as he continued to laugh. "What do you mean I haven't grown? You must be blind," I shot back though I was smiling mischievously.  
  
"Really?" He pretended to be surprised as he squinted his eyes at me. "Well...you do seem to have grown a bit taller...if I do recall...you use to be the height of that penguin over there," he pointed towards a small blue penguin structure nearby.  
  
"No way! That's more like your height!" I laughed as he laughed along while shaking his head.  
  
"Your a child at heart," he finally admitted and smiled a brilliant smile. I felt another surge of unbelievable happiness. This was Li Syaoran. Li Syaoran who I thought I would never see again. The Li Syaoran I thought that would only visit me in my dreams.  
  
I poked him.  
  
"What are you doing?!" He yelped as he shrunk back from my finger.  
  
I tilted my head and grinned in satisfaction. "You're real."  
  
He blinked at me as if I were crazy. "Of course I'm real, you crazy girl."  
  
"But you're real! Hoeee!!!" I couldn't contain myself as I leaped onto him into another bear hug. "You're real! I mean, you're squishy and pokable and everything! And you're so much more real than in my dreams."  
  
I felt him return the embrace. "So, I was in your dreams?"  
  
I blushed a furious red when I realized what I had confessed. Glad that he couldn't see my face, I coughed lightly and laughed, "Ehehehe, well no...you kind of popped up here and there...you know? Those weird dreams where you kind of end up in random places with random people--"  
  
"Right Sakura, I believe you," his tone dripped with sarcasm as he stepped back. "You're awful at lying."  
  
I felt my cheeks go warm as I looked at the pebbles beneath our shoes. He seemed to sense my uneasiness as he came closer and smiled. "Hey, no worries. I did too."  
  
"...you did?" I blinked in surprise.  
  
He blushed a furious red as he turned away and looked up at the darkening sky. "Nice sky isn't it?"  
  
I laughed and went to stand beside him. Punching him playfully on the shoulder, I mocked, "You're just as bad at me with the whole lying aspect."  
  
"Hey! I didn't lie! I just switched topics," he said in defense.   
  
I giggled and looked up at him. He had grown. He really had. He was no longer the child that was nervous and scared, afraid to look people back in the eye. He was no longer shy and unfeeling. He was grown up. He was a leader of a powerful clan. He _had_ to grow.  
  
"It feels like you've never left," I murmured.  
  
He glanced back at me with his deep amber eyes. "...I agree."  
  
A moment of silence followed as we simply looked at each other. I simply wanted to memorize his every feature. I was suddenly scared. What if he had to leave suddenly? What if he left and never came back? The fear chilled me and I broke the silence.  
  
"So what happened to you all these years?" I didn't want the hurt in my voice to show. "You didn't answer any of my letters, or cards..."  
  
He looked at me and stammered uneasily, "I-I couldn't...the elders of the clan didn't let me. They said I wouldn't be able to concentrate if I did what everyone else did...hang out with friends...talk on the phone..."  
  
I looked down. "Oh," I immediately felt stupid for feeling neglected. He had such a hard life... "Must have been boring, neh?"  
  
"...I guess," he shrugged and smiled meekly. "But then I can't really miss having a normal childhood since I've never had it from the beginning."  
  
"Oh, so you think the years you spent being my 'buddy' wasn't normal?" I pointed out.  
  
He pretended to look as if he didn't care the least bit and retorted, "Of course! I mean, how can I count being friends with a weirdo like you, a normal childhood?" He smirked and looked at me haughtily.  
  
I made a face and broke out giggling, a smile breaking onto his face too. Suddenly we stopped and he simply stared at me with his eyes that twinkled with life and strength. "And how about you, Sakura?"  
  
"What about me?" I questioned hesitantly.  
  
Syaoran's gaze did not waver. "How have you been?"  
  
A tone of seriousness drifted about the air, filling my lungs. How had I been the past five years? I wasn't so sure myself...it had been such a long time, yet now when I stand here and look back, it seemed to have gone by too fast. All those days of yearning for Li Syaoran to come back...and now he had. It kind of felt strange.   
  
"I've been good," I finally answered. How intelligent of me. "But not too good," I added hastily as I glanced at him quickly. "It would have been better if you didn't leave in the first place," I said with a nod of my head.  
  
He laughed, his eyes dancing with happiness that brought joy to my very soul. "That's good to hear," he paused and then continued. "Except for the not being too good part..." his voice trailed off and silence once again embraced us.  
  
I decided to look upwards again and breathed deeply. Closing my eyes for a second, I simply felt the air around me and the moment. The moment I had Syaoran standing beside me in flesh as the sun set in front of us.  
  
"You're not going to leave yet...right?" I found myself whispering.   
  
"I don't want to leave yet," he continued and looked upwards to the sky above. It was now a pink and purple hue, a mix of colours dumped into the sky like splattered paint. "I feel like I can't leave...something's holding me back," he mumbled in a distant voice.  
  
I peered up at his gaze, so intense and concentrated. On what? The sky was very mesmerizing to watch. The clouds glided by in such a slow manner... the breeze picked up, as if it were telling the clouds to hurry up.  
  
"I--" We both began in unison.  
  
My gaze didn't leave the sky as I felt his gaze on me. "You first," he said.  
  
I smiled to the sky and to myself. And to Syaoran. The sun was at the edge of the horizon, ready to slip away and leave day and bring night. My lips parted. "I'm very glad that you're back," I said with all honesty. "I missed my best friend in the whole wide world."  
  
I looked back at him and saw him flinch. I stared at him in confusion but he chose to ignore my look of concern. He was looking at the swings with a strange mix of emotions in his eyes. Not the intense gaze. It was something different. Confusion or was it...something else. I couldn't tell. But then again, I wasn't psychic like Tomoyo was. I sensed the tension in the air and shuffled my feet uneasily.  
  
"Hoe? Where's Tomoyo?"   
  
He looked back at me and shrugged, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "At home. I asked if she wanted to come but she just broke out giggling and said no. She said something about making clothes."  
  
I sweat dropped and nodded, "Typical Tomoyo."  
  
A small smile graced his lips. I let my shoulders relax in relief but silence enveloped us once more. I looked at him sideways, almost afraid he would catch me looking at him. And yet he still did.  
  
"What?"   
  
"Nothing!" I replied, startled. "You know, I'm kind of hungry since I had a hurried dinner."  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry if I interfered with--"  
  
"No! No, not at all," I cut in and offered a reassuring smile. "It's no big deal. I didn't want to eat that much anyways. Besides, we can go back to Tomoyo's and I'm sure she won't mind me grabbing a snack there."  
  
He nodded as we headed out of the park and onto the sidewalk. The streetlamps flickered on one by one, illuminating the pavement with yellow light. I caught him staring at me curiously and couldn't help but ask. "What? I'm not trying to sound cliché , but is there something on my face?" I asked stupidly.  
  
Syaoran shook his head but placed a finger right where my hidden bruise was. I suppressed a wince and stepped back. "Er--"  
  
"Gomen," he muttered quickly. "You just seemed awfully pale in that particular spot."  
  
I looked away nervously and laughed, "Really? I guess I'm having blood circulation problems," I glanced at him and noticed he did not looked convinced. Sighing, I decided to pick up the pace. "It's getting chilly."  
  
"Want to burrow my sweater?" He offered casually as we crossed the street.  
  
"It's ok," I replied, slightly flushed. "You'll be cold."  
  
"I'm fine," he replied earnestly as he looked at my cheek once more.  
  
I looked away, "Actually, it's really hot," I lied.  
  
Syaoran snorted and rolled his eyes. "Right," he shook his head. "Trying to lie again, Sakura? Oh ho, two lies in a day. Must be a record for you, isn't it?"  
  
"Well it was worth a try!" I retorted and laughed. "Besides, I don't want you to catch a cold on your first day back."  
  
"...Thanks, I guess," he replied rather softly as we reached Tomoyo's house.  
  
We stopped in front of the iron gates, those familiar gates...I took in one last breath of fresh air just as the sun slipped away and night slowly fell. The stars were now slightly visible, tiny jewels in the sky. I automatically reached for the doorbell, but Syaoran stopped my hand.  
  
I blinked at him in confusion. "Hoe?"  
  
He shook his head no. He nodded his head towards the iron gates, and it was then did I notice they were slightly ajar. I blinked at the gate, then looked at Syaoran. It wasn't like Tomoyo or her mother to leave the gates open. But being it was a Saturday, Tomoyo would be home alone since the servants were on their day off and her mother always had meeting on Saturdays.  
  
"Maybe she doesn't want you to have such a hassle in getting into the house," I said, trying to convince myself that it was as simple as that. Yet something was nagging at the back of my head when my eyes had first caught sight of the slightly open gates. Something had surfaced in my mind. Something I didn't want to remember and didn't want to take seriously.  
  
Syaoran looked thoughtful and dug into his pocket. "She gave me keys," he replied.  
  
I swallowed.  
  
_ "If you walk out of this house, consider yourself a murderer. Remember everything I've told you..."_  
  
That voice rang through my mind loud and clear, as if mocking me and my stupidity. I didn't want to think what I really thought, but my thoughts wouldn't go away and my dread grew by the second. I turned my frantic eyes to Syaoran before I pushed open the gates with all my strength and ran the fastest I had ever run.  
  
To Tomoyo.  
  
  
  


*

  
  
  
Every second felt like a year. Every year felt like a century. As the familiar oak doors met my gaze, I felt the sound of pounding footsteps behind me but I didn't care. I knew it was Syaoran. He caught up to me, his breath not as hard as mine.  
  
"What's wrong?" He asked right away.  
  
I shook my head and placed a hand on the cool wood door. I put a little bit of weight on the doors, and to my dismay, they opened. My dread was eating at me, my heart was killing my chest, my breathing was erratic, but I didn't care.  
  
_ "I could become all mean again, which I really don't want to be...and I might hurt people that I don't want to hurt. You wouldn't want anyone to be hurt..."_  
  
My head was spinning with those menacing words that seemed so gentle and pointless before. Now they seemed like a curse, hanging above me as I stepped into the entrance of Tomoyo's home. How many times had I entered this house? How many times had I seen Tomoyo open this door and greet me with that smile of hers that only Tomoyo had? But never had I entered her house feeling the way I did now.  
  
The house itself didn't seem out of place. In fact, it looked as pristine and normal as ever. Except for the strange feeling that hung in the air. I felt myself shiver and Syaoran stepping in behind me. A little comfort seeped through me but nothing pushed the dread and fright away.  
  
In silence, with no words said, I proceeded up the stairs. Every step was a thud to my heart, every step was a step closer to Tomoyo's room. I didn't know why I was scared. I was in Tomoyo's house afterall...my other best friend's house. I shouldn't be scared...  
  
I hurried up the last few steps and ran down the hall towards Tomoyo's bedroom. Not the slight bit of sound. Not even the breeze rattling the window panes, nor the usual sound of her sewing machine. It was silent, and silence scared me.  
  
I let it sink in. I was scared.  
  
Syaoran placed a hand on my shoulder. "What's wrong? Why are you so pale? What--"  
  
"Tomoyo never leaves her doors open," I whispered, not daring to look up at him, showing him my fear. He was clueless, he didn't know the things I knew. He didn't know Tomoyo's habits, he didn't know the threat I had been given. The threat I didn't take seriously.  
  
_ "You wouldn't want anyone to be hurt..."_  
  
_ "...believe me Sakura, have I ever lied to you?"_  
  
I choked on my own breath and pushed the slightly open door. Tomoyo's room came into view, and I stepped in hesitantly. The carpet was still lavender, the walls were still white. The window was open, a breeze blowing the lavender curtains and causing it to flap and sway. The television was on, but no sound came from it. It was at its lowest volume. How strange...  
  
I took another step in. A few magazines laid strewn on the table, a pair of slippers left near the closet. My eyes darted towards the doorway that lead to her bed and washroom. Yes, Tomoyo's room had always been the biggest I had ever seen. That is, out of bedrooms. Everything was in place. I let out a breath and walked softly towards the doorway.  
  
"...Tomoyo?" I called out shakily.  
  
No reply.  
  
I swallowed hard and called out louder, "Tomoyo?"  
  
Syaoran came up to me. "Why are you being so nervous? We're at Tomoyo's house, how many times have you been here? Just shout," he muttered. "Daidouji-san?" And then he stepped through the doorway and I could only watch with the urge to yank him back.  
  
I didn't know why I was so hesitant in entering that doorway. And I didn't know why I had such horror in my eyes as Syaoran entered. I felt my heart sink as Syaoran simply stood there. No more calling Tomoyo's name. Maybe she wasn't in there...  
  
"She's not there right? I guess she went out," I said quickly, not really knowing what I was saying. "How silly of her...she forgot to lock her doors. I better scold her next time, neh Syaoran?"  
  
No reply.  
  
I felt my heart skip a beat.  
  
"...Syaoran," I cried out in a tone filled with anguish.  
  
He finally turned to look at me. His eyes said it all.  
  
I finally felt my feet leave the spot they had been before. It had felt like I was glued to the spot, but now everything seemed to spring with life as I ran into the adjoining room containing Tomoyo's bed and another room to her washroom. I felt myself brush past Syaoran who didn't complain, and I felt myself stop short at the sight that met my gaze like some horror scene playing over and over again.  
  
I felt my hair settle from the short run I had just done. I felt the silence pounding at me, the breeze from the other side of the room blowing in. Suddenly, it felt really cold.  
  
And everything wasn't in place anymore.  
  
No. Not when Tomoyo laid there. Not when Tomoyo laid there in her bed, dressed still in her school uniform and the covers underneath her still as neat and untouched. It wasn't right. Not when Tomoyo laid there pale and not answering us. Not when her hair pooled about around her in black waves, and not when her lips were a bitter snow white.   
  
And now when her pillow was stained with crimson blood.  
  
It was some sick nightmare. It had to be.  
  
I advanced towards the bed, never letting go of that breath. If this one breath could make Tomoyo open her eyes and smile at me, I would give it to her. If I had to give all my breaths to her, I would.   
  
I was standing over her now. She was still unmoving.  
  
"Tomoyo-chan? Why aren't you answering us? Why are you ignoring us?" I asked shakily.  
  
"Tomoyo!" I cried out loudly as I crouched down to be at her height. "Don't ignore me...never ignore me..." I closed my eyes and felt my world spin and collapse. My perfect world was cracking and I could see the walls ready to crumble. I reached for her hands, so cool and clammy against my own warm ones. I let a cry escape my hoarse throat as I buried my face into the sleeve of her navy sweater.   
  
I felt something damp, and I realized to my horror it was her blood. But I didn't care. I just wanted Tomoyo to be alright. "Syaoran," I called out weakly.  
  
He hurried over, his eyes wide as I turned to him. "Is she..."  
  
He didn't let me finish as he placed a finger beneath Tomoyo's nose and above her lips. After a deafening second of silence, he nodded his head ever so slightly. My lips quivered as I wrapped my arms around Tomoyo's still body. No, I would never describe my Tomoyo as lifeless. Never. She was just still and sleeping. She was...peaceful. She was in her dreamland, wherever that was. She was in a happy place.  
  
I tried to convince myself.   
  
And failed.  
  
"Oh my god...oh my god..." I repeated faintly under my breath as I hugged her, my fingers stained with crimson and my hair mixed with hers. "All my fault...all my fault...Tomoyo..."  
  
I didn't want to accept it. It was absolutely surreal. I didn't know why, but I felt fake. I felt unreal. I felt like I was playing a part in a movie. I felt like this was just all a dream and everything would be alright again. But reality would slowly sink in and I would finally realize that Tomoyo had been murdered. Murdered because of me. Because I hadn't stayed. Because I had left Yori Nishio's house. It was all my fault.  
  
I was a murderer.  
  
I had known this would happen. But did I listen? But no...I couldn't take the blame...I didn't kill my best friend... I didn't. I didn't know he would hurt my loved ones. I didn't know he would _kill_ . That was insane.  
  
_He_ was insane.  
  
Yori was insane.  
  
And it was my fault.  
  
I didn't listen.  
  
"Sakura..." that voice was off in the distant. I didn't hear. I couldn't hear. I didn't want to hear.  
  
"What are you saying? It's not your fault..." came that voice again. It was a familiar voice. I knew that voice. But did I care? No. I just wanted Tomoyo to be alright. I just wanted my best friend to smile and hug me back. I didn't want her arms to hang by her sides. I didn't want any of this. Why did it have to happen to me?   
  
"Sakura?" That voice again. Couldn't that voice just be silent for a second? Couldn't they see that I was distraught? Couldn't anyone see what I had just gotten myself into? I suddenly felt trapped. I suddenly felt lost.  
  
But I realized, at last, that this was true. This was reality. This was no dream. This was some reality nightmare that I had got myself into. Something in me fell. Something in me shattered. That something I didn't know what. Maybe it was that love, that friendship, that bond I had with the girl right before me now. But this important person was gone now. And that bond...  
  
No. It would never break. Our bond was internal.  
  
And yet I had caused her this. I had caused her to loose her life.  
  
"SAKURA!"  
  
Why are you yelling? Please don't yell...I wanted to cry, but no tears came. I was in utter silence now as I stared blankly at the body before me. The yelling continued, that same male voice. Syaoran's voice... But I suddenly was able to block out that voice. I didn't have to listen to that voice scream my name, trying to get me to snap out of it. I could simply sit there and believe that everything was ok.  
  
Tomoyo was just taking nap.  
  
I'd just take a nap with her...and when I would wake up again, the trees would be green, the sun would be up, and there would be no more rain. We would go to the mall, and we'd go shopping like any other day. Tomoyo would groan and protest, saying that she could make better clothes for me. I would tease her and run off, and she would follow. We would go to school and meet our friends. We would pass notes in class and share our happiness.  
  
Yes, that sounded much better. My fantasy land.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
AN: No, Sakura isn't completely insane yet. Since this story is not over yet, but she's starting to slip. Oh right, *ducks tomatoes and misc. food*, I'm SO SORRY Tomoyo fans! I love Tomoyo too but her dieing was an important role in this story because it's kind of like...a bang to Sakura, you know? Aiya, please don't kill me. And if you find the death confusing, it will be explained later on...probably the next chapter...in some sickening way -_- Yori is disturbing. Very. Anyways, R+R and please don't kill me -_-"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	9. Sinking

  
  
  
AN: Yes, someone mentioned why Syaoran didn't do anything. And yes, he's in shock so he's...still...and silent ^^;; I also mentioned in Ch.8, through Sakura's mind that told us where Tomoyo's parents were. Or should I say mother because in the anime we never saw Tomoyo's father. Her mother was at a meeting if you didn't catch that part in the last chapter =) Oh, and Eriol has kinda of uh...gone poof in this story -_- I just don't see what role he can play in this fic at this point now...so I'm very sorry Eriol fans, plz forgive me ^^;; Anyways, I've been writing so many random fics lately. Not random but starting alot of other fics that I haven't uploaded ^^ll So keep your eyes out for my other fics thank you very much =P Well, I won't bother you any longer, so tootlez and have fun reading. Be prepared. Slightly angsty. You may be disturbed.   
  
Disclaimer: CCS doesn't belong to me, it belongs to CLAMP =(  
  
  
  
  
  


Paper Stars  
Chapter Nine: Sinking

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
My eyes were killing me. They felt swollen and dry, but that didn't matter. I could only watch with horror as the paramedics came in, the sounds of sirens in the distance. I didn't remember calling them here...but then again Syaoran must have. I didn't know how long I held onto Tomoyo, but I knew it was long enough for her blood to dry on my hands and face...I cried out once more and felt strong arms embracing me.  
  
I didn't care who it was. I just needed something to lean on, and so I collapsed into the person's arms.  
  
"Sakura..."  
  
Syaoran. I was too tired to look up, too tired to reply. I simply buried my face into his chest, hiccupping and choking on my own breaths. "Tomoyo..." I repeated and bit my lip hard. I felt blood in my mouth and knew I had bit a little too hard. "Tomoyo...her mother!" I suddenly screamed and jumped back from Syaoran's arms. Standing up on wobbly feet, I reached for the wall for support and scanned the room filled with strangers.  
  
Strangers...why were they here. Why did they have to be here to take Tomoyo away? But Tomoyo's mother was not here...Sonomi Daidouji was not here... "...Where--"  
  
"She's coming," Syaoran replied as he slowly stood up. "She's getting here as fast as she can--"  
  
I let another groan escape my lips. What would Tomoyo's mother be like? She would be distraught...she would be dieing. Like me. Tomoyo was her everything. Her world. If she knew the truth...her mother would hate me. Hate me like Tomoyo probably did now. I snapped my head up and watched as two men dressed in white headed over towards Tomoyo's bed with a stretcher.  
  
I couldn't contain myself and ran towards them, pushing them aside to see Tomoyo's pale face. She was so beautiful...so young. I felt arms pulling me back, I felt shouts directed at me. "Girl, move out of the way!"  
  
I forcefully pushed their arms away. Forcefully escaped from their clawing hands. Why were they trying to take me away from Tomoyo? Why? I just wanted Tomoyo to stay...I just wanted Tomoyo to be ok.  
  
"Excuse me, miss?"  
  
I sucked in a breath and turned around. "What?" I found my voice bitter, shaky, and hoarse.  
  
"Do you know what happened?" He was a police officer. I could tell by his uniform. He had a clipboard and a pen...what did he think he was doing?! Interviewing me about Tomoyo's death?! Why? To be put on the newspaper with headlines like: "Teenage girl murdered by her own best friend"? I wouldn't allow them to dig into Tomoyo's life, her death...and why did this stranger have the right to even ask me?!  
  
I felt anger boil up in me for senseless reasons, but I wanted to be angry. But wait. It was true. I had killed her. Not physically but I had caused her this end that she didn't deserve...I was the criminal here, standing in the room filled with policemen and who knows what people. I felt my breath quicken as the officer's eyes peered at me with this intense gaze.  
  
I couldn't say anything. I opened my mouth and nothing came out, just a pitiful cry. I felt the presence of a familiar somebody. Syaoran. He guided me towards a chair and placed me down. I didn't fight. I watched as he talked with the officer, his mouth opening and closing, his eyes intense and filled with remorse. The officer nodded and looked at me one last time. He gave me a slight nod and headed off.  
  
Syaoran came back, his eyes suddenly not warm...did he suspect me? Did he know...did he know that I was the cause of all this mess? Guilt filled me and clawed at my heart like vultures. "Sakura...do you know why this happened? How did this person get in without setting the alarm off? Tomoyo must have opened the door for whoever it was because there seemed to have been no struggle at all," his voice was low. "According to the officers, it was on Tomoyo's freewill that the murderer got in."  
  
I looked back at him, my lips trembling. I wanted to scream and say, "Don't ask me! I don't know..." But deep down, I did know. I knew everything and they would never know unless I said something. I remained silent instead.  
  
"The paramedics say it was severe head injury...lots of blood lost, they're doing a check throughout the mansion," his words went in one ear and out the other. "...Sakura, you kept on muttering it was your fault," he continued. "...Why? Is there something--"  
  
"There's nothing!" I said much too forcefully then I wanted to. Suddenly I felt like saying something. There were so many people in the room that I could tell everything to. Then I would be fine...no wait. I would be in jail...and Yori would be too...right? I had a part in this...or was it all my fault and I would drag Yori in with me if I told the whole story? Or would I be okay? I was suddenly confused. I didn't know how I would say it, and who would be blamed...I suddenly didn't know exactly what had gone on.  
  
Only one person did.  
  
Yori.  
  
I abruptly stood up, looking away from Syaoran's inquiring gaze. I didn't need him to question me right now. I needed him to be there for me. But he didn't know what was eating away from inside of me. He didn't know...I brushed by him and out the door of Tomoyo's bedroom. I didn't hear the shouts of voices behind me, telling me to not go anywhere because the murderer might be loose.  
  
But I didn't care. Infact, I started laughing at their stupidity halfway down the stairs. Sure, the murderer was loose. And she was right here.  
  
  
  


*

  
  
  
  
Night seemed as dark as ever. Night seemed alive and was trying to grab hold of me and pull me into the darkness. Maybe I was becoming delusional, but every shadow, every dark corner, I thought was coming at me. The darkness would pull me in and I would be part of the night. I'd be one with the night. I walked aimlessly onwards, knowing my destination but never really thinking about it.  
  
I heard footsteps behind me. I ducked into an alcove and stayed there, motionless. A figure clad in green hurried by, not sensing me. I stepped out once more and went on my way. When I reached the familiar rich atmosphere of the neighborhood, the fancy streetlamps didn't seem to bring any light at all. The night seemed to cover them and eat the light away. I walked by the familiar mansions looking sophisticated and royal.  
  
And I stopped right in front of house 388, a beautiful white mansion. His house. The gates were open, leading me up the walkway and to the front door. There were no lights on in the house as I peered up silently. No moon in the sky, the stars seemed to have fallen. I pushed the doorbell, not caring what awaited me. Would he kill me next? I didn't care, I simply needed to do something.  
  
But I didn't know what I wanted to do...to see him and beat the bloody pulp out of him? The thought seemed pleasant but not very realistic. I waited and waited, I heard no sound from the other side of the thick wooden doors. I heard no crickets, I heard no footsteps.  
  
Just silence and the night. They were my only company.  
  
Once again I pushed the doorbell, the sound of it echoing around me like a trillion vibrations. And still, no answer. I suddenly felt angry once more as I pounded my fists pitifully on the door. Couldn't anyone hear me? Was he hiding from me? Why? I waited. Minutes went by. An hour. It all felt the same to me. The cold felt like nothing compared to the icy feeling that chilled me inside. I was about to turn around when the door finally clicked open.  
  
I slowly turned back and thought I had seen a ghost.  
  
A woman had opened the door, slightly ajar almost scared as if I would leap out at her. Her face was as pale as blank paper, her eyes gaunt and hollow. Her hair came down to her waist in uncombed tangles of black. Her body, skin and bones, clad in a white night gown that hung loosely at her sides. But somehow, I didn't scream like I normally would have. Somehow, I knew this woman was human. And somehow, I sensed something from her that told me we were in the same world.  
  
She opened the door slightly farther, and stepped aside. She seemed to float, her figure so light. If the wind blew too hard she would simply fall over and break. I walked into the house wordlessly as the woman turned on a dim light. I remembered the time I had walked into this mansion and thought it to look like a palace. Now it looked like a deadly place. A jail for whoever lived inside. I didn't know what to say.  
  
"...Who are you looking for?"  
  
At first I couldn't tell what had spoken until the woman stared at me with her lifeless eyes. I didn't know why I felt so calm, in this room with this stranger who looked everything like the dead.  
  
"...Yori," I found myself saying.  
  
Our voices seemed to match in harmony. Both hoarse, both shaky, both soft. Both scared.  
  
The woman sucked in a breath shakily, I could almost hear it rattling her lungs. She came closer to me, looking at me, examining me. She finally placed a bony finger on my face. Exactly where my bruise was. She smiled.  
  
I blinked.  
  
"Why are you here?" She shook her head in disbelief. "When you know that this place is not where you want to be? Why don't you run away, when you have the chance? Why don't leave the darkness behind when you still have that chance..."  
  
I didn't understand her. Not really at least.  
  
She sucked in another breath. Breathing seemed hard for her and she must've realized my shocked look at how she breathed. "Broken ribs," she simply answered and dropped her cold finger from my face. "...My son is not here right now."  
  
This was probably the only feeling I had felt in a while. Shock. So this was Yori's mother...this ghost of a human. I felt myself draw in a shaky breath and open my mouth, "...did he--"  
  
"No," she seemed to read my mind. "He didn't do anything to me. His father did." She said it as if it didn't matter at all. She said it almost casually and light heartedly. I thought this woman must have lost her mind.  
  
"You are young," she said. "You don't deserve to become like me. I made mistakes in the past that I can do nothing about, because I simply didn't. But you, you still have time to fly. You don't have to come back if you don't want to. He has no power over you."  
  
I stared at her in confusion.  
  
"My son," she said and suddenly sorrow filled her eyes. I didn't think that was capable. "He can't make you stay..."  
  
I looked back at her with sadness. "...But he can," I found myself saying. "He did horrible things, but it was my fault in the first place. If I didn't leave him, he wouldn't have done those horrible things. If I didn't offer to show him around the school, maybe everything would have been different...it's all began because of me..."  
  
"If it were not you, it would have been somebody else," she replied emotionlessly. "We are victims. But they are too."  
  
"...How?" I found myself asking with bitterness.  
  
"...They are preys of themselves. They have demons, they have darkness that some people don't have. They don't know that they're wrong, they are simply being themselves," the woman sighed heavily and I thought she would faint. "Don't we live in a world where we strive to be somebody else? They are doing the opposite...they aren't like some of us who try to be people we aren't. They are themselves."  
  
I sort of understood her. And yet I didn't.  
  
"...Don't end up like me," she said in a final tone and smiled. Somehow, a smile didn't really fit her gaunt face. "Maybe you still have a chance to escape."  
  
"But why don't you?" I asked incredibly.  
  
"...Because," she smiled hauntingly. "I do not want to leave."  
  
"...But why?" I bit my lip.  
  
She smiled, and this time it was a brilliant smile. I thought I saw colour in her cheeks, if only for a second. "Because I will not leave my son," she walked away and headed for the stairs. "I will protect him as much as I can, until my last breath." And she didn't look back at me as she glided up the stairs and into a bedroom.  
  
I turned around and found myself walking out of the house. Why had I come here? I had seen Yori's mother...and I had thought she would be like his father. Abusive and brutal, hateful and mean. But this woman...she was like me. She had drowned before she knew it. She had suddenly found herself in situations that didn't seem to have any way out.  
  
But did I have a way out? How?  
  
I found myself walking home. I found myself thinking of that brave woman. She wanted to protect her son from his own father. And yet, she didn't know that she couldn't do anything. Her son was already lost. In a way, we were all lost. I wondered how long it would take for me to end up in that woman's shoes. I wondered what was ahead, but then I wondered why I was even thinking about the future when my present was a mess.  
  
Maybe I'd have no future. How depressing.  
  
  
  


*

  
  
  
  
When I reached home, it was past 9:30. I forgot about onii-chan, otou-san...I had forgot everything. I opened the door and noticed that no one was home. How strange. I saw another note left on the kitchen counter. It read something like otou-san and onii-chan hearing about Tomoyo's...passing. They said something about going to her house and if I had got home to find no one, I should call otou-san's cellphone.  
  
They probably thought I was still at Tomoyo's...it suddenly felt weird to call Tomoyo's house Tomoyo's. I headed upstairs silently, not bothering to turn on the lights. I walked into the bathroom and stared down at my hands. Turning on the tap, I placed them underneath the soothing warm water. The water turned crimson as the dried blood left my skin.  
  
I watched, simply mesmerized as I watched the tainted water disappear into the drain. I grabbed a towel and dried my hands. I washed away the foundation covering my bruise. I looked at it. It looked pretty. A mix of colours...I looked at my hair. A mess. I looked at my eyes. Swollen and red. I smiled. I looked crazy.  
  
Suddenly I heard the doorbell. Confused, I walked downstairs. I couldn't be onii-chan or otou-san...they had keys. I crept to the door and peered through the window next to it. No one. I opened the door. No body was there, but something caught my eyes. A shopping bag sitting on the doormat. I crouched down, my knees cracking as I picked it up. It was not really heavy, but there was noticeable weight.  
  
Bringing it up to my room, I turned on the lights this time and dumped the contents out of the bag and onto my bed. It was a VCR tape, with a pink note attached to it. It read: Dear Sakura. I stared at it as I touched it cautiously. Who left a tape outside my door? I took it from my bed and padded towards my television set. Slowly, I turned it on and the screen blinked on with life. It was currently some anime show.   
  
I took the sticky note off from the tape before pushing it into the VCR machine. It took a few seconds before the screen changed from the cartoon characters to a blue blinking screen. Sitting cross-legged in front of the television, I was not expecting what came up next.  
  
"Good evening Daidouji-san."  
  
It was Tomoyo's face. She was blinking at whoever was holding the camera. But I knew who was holding the camera. I recognized that voice. It was Yori. Tomoyo was standing there with the door open. She smiled.  
  
"Oh, hello Nishio-kun! What brings you here? And why are you carrying a camera?" She laughed. "Trying to be like me now?"  
  
Yori laughed from behind the camera as Tomoyo let him in. I swallowed hard. Very hard as I watched the screen. "I came to see if Sakura was here," he explained. "She was a bit upset with me. Plus, I just want to test out my new camera. Just got it recently."  
  
My eyes didn't blink once as I continued to watch.  
  
Tomoyo was heading into the kitchen, the camera following her. Or should I say, Yori following her. "Oh, no, she didn't come. But she and Li-kun are probably at the park," Tomoyo's back was facing the camera as she made tea.  
  
The camera shook a bit, causing the image to shake with it. "Li-kun?" Yori's voice was dark. I wanted to do something. I couldn't though. This was a simple replay of the past. I couldn't do anything...the yearn in me was unbearable. I wanted to scream to the Tomoyo in the screen. Tell her to get out and never look back. But I couldn't...because it was too late.  
  
"Hai, Li-kun and Sakura-chan are just catching up," Tomoyo's voice trailed off as she offered Yori some tea. He didn't take it and Tomoyo placed it back onto the kitchen counter. She suddenly looked at Yori, not directly at the camera. "Ano...I sort of want to tell you something Nishio-kun."  
  
The camera moved a bit. Maybe he was nodding, I didn't know. Tomoyo led him out into the living room and sat down on one of the expensive looking couches. I watched her every moment, savoring the images of a moving and alive Tomoyo. Yori sat down and the camera went down with his movements.  
  
The camera moved off to a cabinet on the right but quickly went back to its target. Tomoyo.  
  
"You know...Li-kun and Sakura-chan have been very, very good friends since they were seven...they were always together and you could see the happiness and joy reflected on their faces," Tomoyo said softly. "They rarely fought, and if they did, it was over silly matters and they would forgive each other in an instance. But...Li-kun had to leave four years later. We were eleven then."  
  
Yori was silent.  
  
"Sakura was...how can I put it into words? Sad? No, it was much more than that. Heartbroken? Maybe," Tomoyo sighed. "But seeing her sad made me sad too. I think she noticed my worries, our other friends worries too because she was no longer the genki Sakura we knew. And being the kind-hearted girl she was, she became happy again. But I could see it wasn't genuine. It was happiness made for her friends to see, and a lie to her heart."  
  
"But after a while, I think she convinced herself that she really was happy. Yet, I could see more than even herself. She never realized how many times she mentioned Li-kun's name. She never realized how many dreams she told me about that had Li-kun in it. I realized that it might be more than friendship that she felt. But Sakura is a naive girl. She won't know until it's smack right in front of her face."  
  
I smiled. A sorrowful smile. Tomoyo...did I really feel more than friendship for Li-kun? But if I did...how come I didn't feel anything? How come I only felt sadness and pain as I watched the scene unveil?  
  
"Demo...now Li-kun is back. She is overjoyed, I can see it by the sparkle I haven't seen in ages in her eyes," Tomoyo smiled gently at the camera. "I know how Li-kun feels...and I'm pretty sure I know what Sakura feels...but..." Tomoyo looked thoughtful as she glanced at the carpet.  
  
"But I'm in the way," Yori's voice was emotionless. Flat.  
  
Tomoyo looked up, startled as if he had read her mind. She looked sympathetically at him. "Nishio-kun...it's not--"  
  
"I would like that cup of tea actually. If you can get it for me, please, " came Yori's voice politely. It was so odd...so strange that I felt myself shiver. I hugged my knees to my chest as I wanted to turn off the screen now, but my body didn't move.  
  
Tomoyo sighed and stood up. I shook my head. No...don't...just get out of the house Tomoyo...get out...I knew my thoughts were hopeless and stupid. But I couldn't help but think of all the things that I could have done to prevent her death...  
  
Yori followed Tomoyo's retreating back into the kitchen.  
  
I sucked in a breath.  
  
There was movement as the camera shook a bit. Yori was leaning down or reaching for something...I couldn't really tell. Tomoyo was dumping the tea into the sink for it had cooled and was brewing a new pot. Yori was ever so silent as he stood right behind her. He placed the camera to the side, because I could see his arm now and a bit of his neck. And the marble vase, flowers and all, in his hands.  
  
"So Daidouji-san, ever think your best friend would be the cause of your death?" Yori was raising the vase.  
  
Tomoyo laughed. "Of course not."  
  
The irony of it all...I wanted to throw the television set out of my window, and yet still my body did not listen to my pleas. Tomoyo, turn around...turn around...please turn around...  
  
Yori was smiling. No, he was grinning. "Well, expect the unexpected."  
  
And I felt myself turning away from the screen in horror as I heard behind me the television making a shattering sound and the scream of my best friend. Several seconds went by in silence. Was it over? There was no more sound...no sound of Tomoyo's beautiful voice...just a faint tinkling...I braced myself and turned back to the screen.  
  
Yori was going up the stairs. The camera had a few bloodstains as there were blotches of red smudged on the screen. I felt my stomach flip and the little dinner I had wanting to come back up my throat. He looked through the rooms and finally found Tomoyo's. He went by the closet, the TV, the sewing machine, and into the adjoining room with her bed. He placed Tomoyo on the bed.  
  
I choked and threw up.  
  
Lots of blood...alot of blood...the pillow was turning a deep red in the blink of an eye...the ebony black hair of my beautiful friend was stained with blood...I felt myself want to throw up once more but nothing came out. The camera turned away. I thanked god.  
  
"Sakura, Sakura, Sakura, look what you've done."  
  
Yori's voice was menacing, haunting...I clutched at my sleeves, my nails digging into my own flesh. The carpet was a mess, my shirt was a mess, but I didn't care. Yori was raising the camera to be aimed at him.  
  
"You won't say anything, will you? I wouldn't want to hurt anyone else...and I would have a hard time picking who to hurt," his said innocently and blinked. He smiled, a smile that actually looked sincere. "That boyfriend of yours sounds like a good pick...but he might be harder to...hurt. I'm not sure when Daidouji-san will wake up...but she seems asleep right now," he actually sounded confused. I felt my brain pound with a blistering headache. He could be out there right...following my loved ones...  
  
"But anyways, sweet dreams Sakura, and I love you."  
  
The screen went blank.  
  
I went blank. I felt something inside of me snap as I jammed my finger on the 'eject' button on the VCR machine. The tape came sliding out and I grabbed it like a wild animal. I threw it against the wall, kicking it, stepping on it, breaking it in two. The tape inside was strewn about as I lashed at it with blind fury. When I was done, you could never tell that it was a tape.  
  
And I suddenly realized I could have used it as evidence. Something at least...but why would I want to use such a disturbing thing as evidence? I cried out in anguish as I threw the remains of the tape into my closet. I heard the front door open, the voices of Touya and otou-san drifted up the stairs. I heard pounding footsteps come up and I heard my door click open.  
  
I felt my onii-chan running towards me as he placed comforting hands on my shoulders. I felt myself curl into a ball and never look up. I felt myself drift off into blackness and I felt my world disappear.  
  
I liked how it was now. My mind was blank and it was all dark. Nothing could get at me now. I was alone and I liked it. I didn't want anything else to happen, I didn't want any more voices to yell and shout. I imagined that it was nine years ago and Tomoyo, Meiling, Syaoran and I were at the park. We were building a lousy sandcastle in the sandpit and we were seven...  
  
Tomoyo and I were working on one and Meiling and Syaoran were working on another. I filled a bucket with sand and attempted to flip it over onto the ground, but the contents spilled out. Tomoyo giggled and I pouted. She took the bucket from me and showed me once more how to make a perfect mound. I nodded and we looked at our other friend's castle.  
  
It was perfect.  
  
I smiled proudly at Syaoran who simply looked away and filled another bucket with sand. He took a stick and stuck it at the top of a mound. He looked at me again and smiled a bit. It was lopsided, but it had been the first time I saw him smile.  
  
"You have to flip it faster," he had said.  
  
I nodded quickly and tried again, and again...and again...and again...  
  
"I can't do it!" I had finally given up and let the sand spill all over my shoes. "It's too hard...you can do everything Syaoran!"  
  
He blushed and shook his head quickly. "I can't make paper stars like you can..."  
  
"Hoe?" I blinked and looked proud that I knew something Syaoran didn't. "Honto (really)? Well, I can teach you! It's really easy and it's really fun. I remember my kaa-san taught me how...before she went up there," I had pointed upwards. "I remember I made 1000 of them!"  
  
"Really?" Syaoran looked amazed.  
  
I beamed proudly once more and dug into the pockets of my overalls. Pulling out a strip of green star paper, I made one slowly for Syaoran to see. As I pinched the last corner and the star puffed up, I turned to him and smiled. "See. Simple. Now take it," I tossed the star to him.  
  
"What do I do with it?" He blinked in confusion.  
  
I shrugged, "Anything really. But I remember my mother's voice telling me that you can wish on them! Like shooting stars! Isn't that handy?"  
  
"So if I make a billion stars, I would get a billion wishes?"   
  
I thought deeply and shrugged, "I guess, but isn't that a bit greedy? I say you stick with that one for now," I nodded towards the green star.  
  
He nodded and smiled, "Thanks Sakura. I know how I can not be greedy! I can only wish on the stars you make, so I can't make a bunch for myself and wish on them!"  
  
"You better not blackmail me into making you stars then!" I complained.  
  
He grinned, "Of course not. You'll be my wish-maker."  
  
I felt the scene fade and blackness met me again. How can I make any stars for you, Syaoran? How can I make stars for you to wish on now? How can I be your special little wish-maker when I need stars myself? Will you make me some?   
  
...just one?  
  
  
  
  
  
AN: Neargh, I freaked myself out typing this. Bah I need to go listen to happy, dappy music now -_- Welpz, please R+R~! Luff you all =) And thank you very much for your last reviews ^o^;; I started talking to myself and saying thank you out loud at my computer screen so my parents were kinda scared of me afterwards but it's all good now =)  
  
**Oh oh oh oh!!** And if you would be so kind or if you're rather bored, please check out my new and uploaded S+S fic, **Exposed**. Here is a full summary of it below:  
  
Syaoran and Sakura are complete strangers when they meet on the hill next to the cemetery one peaceful afternoon. The two seem to click and talk as if they were old friends, but soon night falls and Sakura must leave to go home and Syaoran is left with only the name Sakura Kinomoto and the short time they had together. Three months later, Syaoran returns to Tokyo, Japan to meet his best friend Eriol. When he brings Syaoran to the hottest nightclub in the city where leather and cleavage is necessary, he is shocked to see the familiar face of Sakura as one of the club girls. Could you say a completely different person or what? But Syaoran is determined to find out why Sakura chose such a low lifestyle, compared to his life of mansions and university. Will the two be able to put away their differences in society, attitude, and merely themselves? Or maybe they're not so different after all. S+S  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	10. Hover

  
  
AN: Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews for the previous chapter =) They made me smile so much ^^;; As I have just come back from my camping trip with my classmates, I was in such a tired mood but the reviews made me all fluffy ^^ Welpz, happy reading while I go rub my bruises from hiking -_- Ugherz, I detest hiking now.   
  
Disclaimer: CCS doesn't belong to me, it belongs to CLAMP =(  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Paper Stars  
Chapter Ten: Hover

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Television has always been a person's best friend. Or not. But who doesn't watch television? When I was five, onii-chan always watched things with really loud music that made me cry. Otou-san always watched shows with people speaking in flat and boring tones. It made me blubber and clench the rim of my flowery skirts because the monotone of the voice was so utterly boring I wanted to scream. But that was when I was five. I watched cartoons and dubbed cartoons made me laugh because their voices were so artificial.  
  
But that was when I was five.  
  
Now onii-chan watches shows with loud music too, but it doesn't sound that horrible anymore. Otou-san still watches shows with people droning on and on about fires and burglaries; which I learned to be the daily news broadcast. And me? I watched soap operas and occasional cartoons. And videotapes of my best friend getting murdered by my own ex-boyfriend.  
  
Pleasant.  
  
I found myself in bed, with the lights turned off, the house eerily silent. The past events slowly caught up on me as I realized I was in a clean shirt and the vomit had been cleaned off the carpet. I stared at the blank television screen and thought about happy little bunnies running around. But soon the happy little bunnies disappeared and I heard Tomoyo's scream in my ears and my eyes clamped shut.  
  
Television. I hated television from that day on. Not only did it show negative images, but the mistakes you made in daily life.   
  
Getting up from bed, I looked at my alarm clock. It was making annoying ticking sounds in the glooming darkness of night. It read 3:45 am. How nice. I watched the minute hand of the clock move in smooth rhythm. It was fun. Just sitting there knowing that time was going by and you could watch it go and never come back. I started giggling and found the sound very alien.  
  
I fell silent.  
  
I swallowed.  
  
I sniffed the air in my room. It all seemed fake. Some alternate universe. I liked my dream land better, where the air smelled fresh and new after a rainy day. Where the grass was always green and would never dry out and wilt yellow. Where the sky was always blue and cloudless. And where Tomoyo, Syaoran, and Meiling who was a distance memory to me, all sat together and played.  
  
What world was I in now? I wasn't so sure. How could my dream land be so pleasant and real if it wasn't...reality? And how come right now, woken up from my dream, I felt so empty and hateful of the real world? Maybe this was the dream world. Maybe my dreams were reality. That thought lingered in my mind for a good while until I let myself come back.  
  
One world, Tomoyo was dead. The other world, Tomoyo was fine and happy.  
  
The other world seemed more realistic. Very much more realistic. This had to be some stupid nightmare.  
  
Some very real nightmare.  
  
I pinched myself hard and felt my skin burn. That feeling gave a sense of life to me, a small tingling sensation where my skin was starting to redden. The house was still silent. My closet door was partially open. And the clock continued to tick.  
  
I stood up slowly, going towards the mirror which looked eerily shiny in the gloom. I looked at my reflection and thought I looked very much like that scary woman; Yori's mother. I just needed that ugly white night gown to top things off. I felt bitter. I felt cold. I felt...unique. If I had long flowing black hair that could cover the front of my face, I would look even more like a ghost. I giggled again.  
  
A childish giggle. No one would know what demons I had in my soul right now. No one would know the things I knew because they were all in my mind and they would never know unless I said something. That thought actually comforted me for some odd reason. I could be smiling at someone and think horrible things but they would never know and think I was the nicest girl on earth because I was simply smiling.  
  
I giggled again.  
  
My reflection giggled with me. I wanted to ask why she was giggling when I felt so sad and lonesome. But then I realized it was my reflection. I pulled out the chair from my desk and sat down heavily. I didn't bother to turn on my lamp as I pulled out a sheet of blank paper, glowing white in the dark. I grabbed a pencil and doodled aimlessly, trying to blank out my mind and think it was any ordinary night...except that it was three in the morning.   
  
I drew a tree, and grass and a sun and little butterflies. I drew a little girl leaning on the tree looking up at the cloudless sky. I stared at it for a while and thought it looked quite plain. I fiddled around with my pencil case until it finally opened and my pencil crayons spilled out all over my desk. I watched them roll around until they stopped. I picked up Mr. Green Pencil Crayon and felt my hand move towards the white leaves of the tree.  
  
I suddenly stopped.  
  
I placed Mr. Green down and picked up Ms. Brown pencil crayon. I coloured the leaves brown.   
  
After an hour, I finished my picture and I was smiling. If my art teacher was here, she would compliment me on my creative mind. Yes, she would. The brown leaves looked boring, but better than green leaves. The tree truck was grey and looked like elephant skin. The sun was black and the rays were uncoloured. I added some stars. On the ground. I smiled proudly. My masterpiece.  
  
But somehow, in the back of my mind, I thought other people wouldn't think it was all that pretty. Frowning to myself, I opened my desk drawer and placed the picture on the pile of notebooks. If nobody was going to appreciate my work, so be it. I started humming. And stopped myself. That song was a song the choir had been practicing just last week. I tried in vain to block it from my brain but Tomoyo's voice popped into my head again.  
  
I broke Mr. Green Pencil Crayon in half.  
  
The clock still ticked. It read 4:58 am. I think I heard a bird chirp a horrible song, but maybe I was hallucinating. I opened the blinds and saw the lightening sky. Why was it getting brighter? Didn't the sky know that I liked it darker? That way I could hide and never be seen and attacked by crazy people. I felt something in me twitch slightly as I turned away from the window and slipped under my cold covers.  
  
I closed my eyes and sat, with the sound of the clock ticking. And I cried. Silently. It was a weird feeling, but the swelling in my heart finally exploded and my fantasy land disappeared and reality hit me in full force once more.  
  
And so I cried, and I almost thought I was outside and the rain was pouring down on me and only me. I could hear the pitter patter in my mind, and the grey clouds looming above. But outside I heard the birds chirp and I knew it was another bright and beautiful summer day.  
  
I wished everything was just black and white. I just wanted simplicity.  
  
  


*

  
  
  
When I woke up, or opened my eyes in my case, Touya was standing over me with a mournful expression on his usual taunting face. He had such worry in his eyes that I never saw. Not even when mother died because that time I was too young and he was young too...I guess we just accepted the fact that she was up there and happy with her fluffy white wings. But now, I understood death. Life. Reality.  
  
It was dark. It was bright. It was everything.  
  
I sat up slowly, wondering why his eyes followed my every movement. Where was the usual racket he would make? I looked at the clock and noticed it was still beeping. I shut it and the alarm instantly fell silent. I turned back to Touya and smiled.  
  
"Good morning," I greeted as if I was reading off some script.  
  
He looked even more worried as he stood up in his full height. "...Sakura, you don't have to go to school today. Dad's already written a note."  
  
Sakura. Ha, when did he ever call me Sakura? It felt weird coming from his mouth too, just like me smiling and saying good morning to him. I stood up and stretched, feeling my muscles pull and relax as I dropped my arms to my sides. "It's sunny," I found myself saying.  
  
"Sakura," he repeated once more, a firmness in his voice that told me he was serious. "Go to sleep...you need it."  
  
"I do?" I turned to look at him and smiled once more. I thought I saw him flinch but I shrugged it off. Maybe I'd show him my drawing, but then he might think I'm even weirder. Shoving that thought away, I opened my closet and slammed it shut again. Touya looked at me in surprise as I turned around again, pressing my back against my closet doors. Stupid closet. I didn't like my closet anymore.  
  
"What are you doing?" I could sense a tone of anxiety in his voice. He was scared? Nah, onii-chan was never scared. Especially of me. I'm the little kaijuu. Always his little kaijuu.  
  
"Slamming my closet door," I replied automatically and I once again felt like a programmed computer.  
  
"...Are you sure--"  
  
"Is breakfast ready?" I chimed in as I wondered how I would open my closet doors without seeing the black bits and pieces of the VCR tape. Why had I thrown it into the closet of all places? While throwing questions at myself, I barely heard onii-chan.  
  
"...I'll be downstairs if you need me," was the only phrase I caught as he exited my room. I watched him go and close the door quietly behind him. How odd; onii-chan being graceful for once. I let out a breath and turned to face the closet like I was facing some enemy. Sucking in a breath, I hastily opened the closet doors and yanked out my uniform and slammed the doors behind me once more. Good. I didn't have to look at the tape if I didn't have to.  
  
Changing quickly, I picked up the broken pieces of the green pencil crayon and placed it back into my pencil case. I combed out my hair, like any other day, and straightened my skirt, like any other day. I smiled at the mirror. It looked artificial. I tried again. It was getting better. I practiced a good smile for five minutes before going downstairs.  
  
"Ohayo!" I greeted and tried on my practice smile. Somehow onii-chan didn't seemed fooled as he looked up from the dining table. He had that worried look in his eyes. I didn't like his worried look. It made me feel...odd.  
  
"Ohayo," he greeted back hesitantly. "Dad had to rush back to Tomyo's house after...um--"  
  
"Oh, checking on me?" I suggested as I sat down beside him. If I sat across from him I'd have to put on a happy face for a good ten minutes or so.  
  
Touya turned to look at me but I didn't turn to look at him. "Yeah, just to see if her mother's alright..." he mumbled and poked at his pancakes. 'Um...Sakura--"  
  
"I'm done!" I announced as I stuffed the last pancake into my mouth. I couldn't really talk anymore with my mouth as full as it could be, so I merely waved and walked to the front door. I spat the pancakes into the nearby garbage can just because swallowing made me feel nausea. Onii-chan didn't shout anything from the dining table so I shrugged and left.  
  
I felt normal.  
  
It was a very, very, very, very, odd feeling. To know that something had happened and left a hole in you somewhere, yet you were still walking and talking and being a person. So when someone you love dearly dies, the world still goes on. A little boy ran by me with a twig in his hand. I watched him run off and I wanted to shout and say, "Why don't you care that Tomoyo's not here anymore?"   
  
But I didn't.  
  
I walked by a bulletin board with different coloured posters tacked onto it. I felt bitterness in me once more as I saw stuff about the fair, and the museums, and the aquarium. I ripped them off the bulletin board and tossed them into the nearest trashcan. Why should people go to such things when Tomoyo had just left? I walked at a steady pace and saw the school building.   
  
It looked solid and firm. A building made of brick.  
  
I went in and the hallways were silent. There was no one around. Maybe I was early. I didn't care. I went to my locker and eyed the locker next to me. I stared at the flowers in front of it and I wondered why there were flowers. No one knew about Tomoyo's...passing. No one was suppose to know about Tomoyo's leaving. Except for my family, and Syaoran...and him. But why were there flowers anyways? Tomoyo would never get to see them. Stupid people...  
  
I dumped my bag into my locker and grabbed my Geography binder and hurried to homeroom. People were already there and whispers were thick in the air. A girl I knew to be Miki was holding a newspaper and some people were crowding around her. I felt sick as I walked towards them and saw the heading at on the front cover.  
  
At once I saw a picture of a familiar mansion with Tomoyo's smiling face staring back at me. It was her school picture that we had taken at the beginning of the year. I thought real live and flesh Tomoyo was prettier. I snatched the paper from the girl's hand and dumped it into the trash can. I seemed to be dumping alot of things that morning.  
  
"What's up with you Kinomoto-san?" She asked in an annoyed tone.  
  
I stared at her and walked off to my seat. Sitting down, I droned out the whispers and stared at the flower vase sitting on our teacher's desk. I started imaging what it would be like to have a million pieces of that vase break above your head and shatter around you like falling stars. Would it be a pretty sight? Minus the blood of course. Would it have been a slow death? Would it hurt alot? I wondered and wondered.  
  
But then my thoughts drifted back to that newspaper. How dare they stick it on the front page as if it were some great news. And it shouldn't be news anyways. Couldn't anyone leave this good for nothing earth in peace? They always say rest in peace but they never get to until a week later when no one wants to talk about that girl who died in her house last week. There'd be some other story.  
  
Drunk teen drives and dies, something like that.  
  
I laughed to myself at what cynical creatures we were. That is, until someone tapped me on the shoulder. I shivered for no reason and turned around to see Syaoran. Confused, I wanted to ask him why he was at my school but then realized he was wearing school uniform. "Ohayo," I greeted and once again placed my practiced smile on my lips.  
  
Somehow, it seemed so much harder in front of Syaoran. The person who was with me when everything flipped.  
  
"Sakura? Why are you at school? You shouldn't be, you should be at home," he was speaking really fast and I wondered why. We weren't in a hurry were we?  
  
"Slow down," I giggled that strange giggle. I thought he flinched too. Why was everyone flinching in front of me nowadays? "If you're at school, why shouldn't I be at school? Logical reasoning Syaoran," I replied and turned around in my seat again.  
  
Yet somehow I could still feel his eyes on the back of my head. The taste of pancakes was still in my mouth and a little bit of vomit aftertaste from last night. I suddenly didn't feel so good anymore. And my day didn't get any better when _he_ entered through those classrooms doors. Somehow, I thought after everything he would have just disappeared and I would think he had never existed.  
  
But that wasn't the case.  
  
He was still there.  
  
Yori walked over and took his seat behind mine. Syaoran was sitting behind Tomoyo's former seat. "Ohayo Sakura-chan," said that monstrous voice of his. I wanted to vomit on him. I would actually be proud of that.  
  
But instead, I found myself doing that smile. "Ohayo Yori."  
  
He smiled brightly at me and turned to look at Syaoran. Syaoran was staring at him with a blank expression on his face, but at least he wasn't glaring. "Hello Li-kun. First day here? Maybe I can show you around. Or is Sakura showing you around already?"  
  
I suddenly remembered the tape. The tape that lay broken in my closet.  
  
_ "__ That boyfriend of yours sounds like a good pick...but he might be harder to...hurt."_  
  
His voice rang in my head once more. He was like some ghost haunting me and never wanting to let go and let me rest in peace even if I wasn't a dead person. I swallowed and I thought I heard my clock ticking but that wasn't possible because I was at school. All these thoughts ran in my mind until I literally screamed, "No."  
  
Yori and Syaoran both looked at me. Syaoran was looking at me as if I were crazy and Yori just simply looked at me calmly. I liked Syaoran's look better. "I mean, I'd like to go with you Yori," was my pleasant explanation as I offered Yori my practice smile. He seemed to examine me before nodding and smiled.  
  
"So what's new?" He asked.  
  
I blinked. What's new? Once again I wanted to say something that I didn't end up saying. "I don't know. You tell me Yori. What did you do this weekend? Water the flowers in that massive garden of yours? Slide down the huge railing of those stairs in your house? Or did you go and kill my best friend?"  
  
"Nothing new," I answered instead and found Syaoran staring at me again. Stop staring will you? It's rude. I seemed to talk inside my head alot today. It was rather comforting because I was sitting here talking to them in my mind but they wouldn't know unless I actually spoke. Interesting, isn't it? I giggled and Syaoran stared at me again.  
  
"How about you, Nishio-kun?" Came Syaoran's voice uncertainly as his eyes finally left me and landed on Yori.  
  
Yori turned to him and grinned cheerfully. "Watered the flowers," he answered.  
  
I laughed. How ironic. "Really? Never knew you were the gardener type!"  
  
He shrugged and turned back to me. "I don't know. Lately I just like flowers, since you get to buy fancy vases to put them into."  
  
Then I felt something hit me and I swallowed down the orange juice I had for breakfast. It seemed to want to come up the other way again. "Oh," I managed to say. "I like vases," I added as an afterthought and felt like sinking into my seat and becoming an inanimate object.  
  
"Same," he said and looked at Syaoran who was eyeing both of us. "How about you, Li-kun? Do you like vases?"  
  
"...Uh, sure?"  
  
I could tell Syaoran must have thought we were slightly out of our minds because we were having fun talking about vases. But then again, we _were_ out of our minds and I laughed to myself once again. Yori smiled at me again and I felt something in me click. If he smiled, that was good. If he smiled, he wouldn't go hurt Syaoran and chuck vases at his head. If Yori smiled, Syaoran was safe.  
  
"So, how about meeting Sakura and me at break so we can show you around?" Yori broke my train of thoughts.  
  
Syaoran shrugged and nodded, but he still looked at me with this look that made me wonder if he could invade my mind and read it. I didn't like that thought so I broke our eye contact. When no one said anything more, Yori turned back to look at me again.  
  
"It's all cleaned up, don't worry," he said as if he were comforting me. "I didn't leave any shards behind."  
  
I didn't understand what on earth he was saying until he mouthed the word 'vase'. I didn't know how I could tell he had mouthed the word 'vase', but instinct told me he had. And I knew what he meant at once as scenes from that horrible tape ran through my mind again. Shaking slightly, I pretended to sneeze as I nodded slowly. He smiled. I laughed. Syaoran stared.  
  
That was when the bell rang, signaling all of us to go off to our first class. I got up, feeling his breath behind me which caused me to shiver again. I felt his hand on my shoulder as he practically led me out of the classroom. I looked behind me for a quick second and saw Syaoran still standing at my desk, looking at me before he turned away and took something out of his pocket. I didn't see because Yori had led me around the corner and we were now going to class with the flow of students.  
  
I noticed there were alot of eyes on me, and I wondered why. I saw Rika go by with swollen read eyes and she even burst into tears when she saw me. Naoko-chan and Chiharu-chan had similar reactions as they took their seats in Geography. I wondered why.  
  
Sensei strolled in and looked solemnly at our class. I wondered why again.  
  
"The principal has informed us of a tragic death of one of Seijou's students," her voice was shaky. I wondered why.  
  
I heard Chiharu suck in a sharp breath and I didn't know why I was just sitting here blankly. I felt strange not looking swollen eyed and wobbly lipped like the rest of them, but I simply couldn't cry. I didn't feel anything...or I did. Maybe it was too overwhelming that my body couldn't tell what I was feeling anymore.  
  
"Miss Tomoyo Daidouji has left us last evening," sensei's voice went on and on, and I wished she would stop. "And we will sit here for a moment of silence to reflect."  
  
Everyone closed their eyes. I stared straight ahead. I felt Yori place a comforting hand on my shoulder again. I suddenly decided to close my eyes. Maybe I could dream of little happy bunnies instead of listening to sensei talk about Tomoyo in past tense. The room was silent except for occasional sobs.  
  
The door opened and I cracked my eyes open to see Syaoran coming in. He was late but sensei dismissed it as he took an empty seat on the other side of the classroom. When one minute was up, we all opened our eyes and sensei waved a hand at Syaoran.  
  
"Our new student from Hong Kong, Li Syaoran."  
  
I suddenly wondered why he was late. I wanted to ask him but I didn't want to shout across the classroom. I felt Yori's hand leave my shoulder and I thought I heard him sob. I wanted to laugh at the irony of it all. Didn't the class know we were sitting in the same room as the murderer? Mourning with him? I frowned inwardly as class begun like any other day.  
  
So, Tomoyo's death deserved one minute of class time. Dieing sucks.  
  
I felt bitter again.  
  
Sensei didn't ask us alot of questions. She made us take notes and draw lines. I didn't do anything but stare at the clock, wondering why I couldn't hear this clock tick like my alarm clock. I took out my pencil crayons and started doodling again on lined pieces of paper. I drew little bits and pieces of things that I didn't even know what it was until I realized they kind of resembled broken up pieces of a vase. I giggled until I noticed a shadow standing above me.  
  
"Kinomoto-san."  
  
It was sensei. I looked up at her silently.  
  
"...Why are you are at school?" She asked as if it were the most obvious question. Ah, so she thinks I should be at home crying my heart out? Well, no, I wasn't. I had to be at school...because...  
  
Because I had to keep my eye on Syaoran. I had to make sure that Yori wouldn't go after him when I wasn't around. I had to be here. I couldn't loose anyone else.  
  
But I didn't tell sensei my reason. I simply shrugged and looked away. Sensei sighed and the clicking of her heels went away as she returned to the front of the classroom. For the whole class, everyone was giving me strange looks. I bet they all thought I was crazy. I smiled to myself as I continued drawing. No one seemed to care that I wasn't paying attention in class.  
  
The bell finally rang.  
  
I got up just like everyone else. I saw Chiharu and Naoko huddled together with a couple of our other friends, all sobbing together. I even thought about joining their water works, but decided that I could save the janitor some work from cleaning up a puddle of tears. Yori tapped me on the shoulder and leaned close to me. His breath was in my air.  
  
"My cherry blossom, we have to show Li-kun around the school now."  
  
I blinked. I wanted to scream, "Who's your cherry blossom?!" but I couldn't find the words nor the strength to say so. I found myself nodding and felt sick. Syaoran was waiting for us at the door. He was still looking at me. This time I spoke my mind.  
  
"Why won't you stop staring at me?" I whispered as I went by him.  
  
He grabbed my hand opposite to Yori and stuffed something into my hand. I blinked and looked at him but he was already looking away and following us outside. Yori was being the tour guide as I stood there, fingering whatever Syaoran had stuffed into my hand. If I wasn't mistaken, it was a paper star. It had the texture of one, and the points, and the size...  
  
I felt myself being shaken until I snapped out of my revere. Yori was holding onto me worriedly. "Daijoubu Sakura-chan?"  
  
I stared and nodded again. I stuffed the star into my pocket and looked at Syaoran. I smiled, "So, you know how to get around now?"  
  
He nodded at me, but he never smiled. I frowned a bit. He sighed, and I wanted him to not sigh. Yori just watched us. Finally, Syaoran muttered something under his breath before grabbing my arm and pulling me aside. Yori looked at us startled but Syaoran just said, "Give us a moment."  
  
I felt my heart beat quicken as Syaoran lead us to some trees at the side. I looked back at saw Yori's figure still standing there. I was suddenly scared as I pulled my arm away from Syaoran. "What are you doing?!" I nearly screamed.  
  
"Why are you here?!" He nearly screamed back. "You don't look ok, even if you're trying to act like it. You look...look dead!" He finally managed to say. He looked angry. Why?  
  
"Why are you angry at me?" I found myself asking.  
  
He sighed, the lines fading from his furrowed brow as his features softened. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to shout. It's just...you're acting really weird...I understand that you don't want to miss school, and maybe why you don't want to cry but--"  
  
I laughed loudly and he stared at me. "You think I don't want to miss school?" I felt my lips tremble as I shook my head. "I do. But I can't. I have to be here. But you, you have a chance to fly away..."  
  
"What are you saying?" Syaoran mumbled. "I think you should go home and get some sleep."  
  
"No," I said firmly and glanced back at Yori's figure. "You shouldn't have pulled me aside. You don't know what might happen...if that person sees he might think...think bad..." I couldn't shut my mouth as I spilled out my frantic thoughts. I saw Syaoran look at me curiously, he obviously didn't understand what I was blubbering on about.  
  
"...Is there something you're hiding Sakura? Who's that person? Who is he?"  
  
I stared at him wide-eyed. "No! No...not he. It's a she. No, it's a he..." I shut my mouth and looked away. I was saying too much. What if Syaoran found out the whole story...would Yori hurt him? I bit my lip hard as I turned to look at Yori who was still standing in a distance. I turned back to Syaoran and looked at him hard. "...be careful," I croaked and turned to go.  
  
He stopped me. "Wait."  
  
I stopped in my tracks but didn't bother turning around. Syaoran continued to speak. "...Remember a long time ago, you made stars for me to wish on. I've made one for you, so wish on it. Whatever it is, I hope your wish comes true." And with that he walked away in the opposite direction towards the soccer field. I swallowed and fingered the paper star in my pocket.  
  
When I had returned to Yori's side, he was watching me carefully. I smiled at him and he smiled back at me as he took my hand into his. I felt like I was betraying Tomoyo. I felt like I was betraying myself. Which I was. But I begged for Tomoyo's forgiveness in my mind because I didn't want to loose Syaoran too. I felt my feet moving and soon we were walking into the school building again.  
  
"What happened to Li-kun?" Yori asked lightly.  
  
I shrugged in reply. "Wanted to go off alone."  
  
"That's good," he responded and swung my hand in his. "No one to bother us."  
  
"...Yeah," I mumbled. He acted as if nothing -nothing at all- had happened. He didn't seem like a murderer. He didn't seem crazy. He didn't seem to have sent that horrid tape. He seemed normal.  
  
And I did too.  
  
What good actors we were. I started giggling.  
  
"What's so funny?" He asked curiously.  
  
"Reality," I replied and continued to laugh. He looked at me and I looked at him. Both knowing what a horrid creature he was and what a horrid creature I was too. I laughed knowing how similar we were. We were both causes to Tomoyo's death. We were both out of our mind. I wondered how long it would take for me to go completely insane. I wondered how long it would take for me to think my fantasy land was real and reality as my dreams.  
  
And I could only wonder, with Syaoran's paper star still clutched in my cold hands.  
  
I wish for you to be safe, Syaoran. I wish for everyone dear to me to be safe.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
AN: Ohohoho...and yet everything seems calm for a bit. Ohohoho, what shall happen next? _ You all may be able to guess...the whole Sakura telling the story part will **end in ONE chapter**. Which means something will happen in that chapter to make her end up where she is in the beginning, right? *cackle* But doesn't this mean the story is ENDING? Well, sadly, yes =( SNUFF! I will go cry and rant about it later but for now, R+R for it shall make me happy =P  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	11. Diving

  
  
  
AN: Ahahaha I don't know why but all of you seem to think this story will end angsty. Well, let me pop your bubble =P I will promise you guys a S+S ending. That is all I will say ^^;;  
  
Disclaimer: CCS doesn't belong to me, it belongs to CLAMP =(  
  
  
  
  
  


Paper Stars  
Chapter Eleven: Diving  


  
  
  
  
  
  
-Syaoran's Point of View-  
  
  
  
Seijou High wasn't very different than my school in Hong Kong. There were students, teachers, and lockers. But of course, the building was different so I got lost a few times before I found my homeroom. This time I didn't have Sakura to bump into and show me the right room, like nine years ago when I had first come to Japan. I was surprised when I saw Sakura sitting there, smiling, giggling...but somehow I saw through it.  
  
She was either a really good actress, or going a bit insane.  
  
I walked towards her and tapped her on the shoulder. I thought she shook beneath my touch but she managed to turn around without breaking into a thousand pieces like I thought she would. She greeted me like any other day. But once again it felt hollow and frightened. I was worried.  
  
I asked her why she was here, that she should be at home, not at school. She said something about logical reasoning and that_ I_ was at school, so why shouldn't she? I sighed and caught her staring at the boy who had just entered the classroom. I recognized him as Sakura's...boyfriend. Or ex-boyfriend supposedly.  
  
But Sakura's gaze made me suspicious. She seemed frightened but then she looked away and I could no longer see her eyes. I watched them closely. They didn't seem like a couple that had just broke up. They seemed like good friends. Sakura seemed normal and perfectly fine. Nishio-kun was just...there. I couldn't help but find it weird. As if I was watching a movie.  
  
They were going to show me around campus at break. I shrugged a reply. But what really got me a bit thoughtful of their sanity was when they started to have an animate conversation about vases. When the bell rang, I couldn't help but feel a bit out of place. I watched them go, standing close. It didn't seem like they were an ex-couple. More like a new couple if you asked me. I frowned.  
  
I saw Sakura look at me. I didn't know what her gaze held. Something that seemed to call out to me in my mind. I shook that thought away as I rummaged through my pockets for something. I stuffed a paper star in her hand as we walked out.  
  
When we got outside, I could no longer hold in my anxiety. I had to pull her aside. And so I did.  
  
She seemed even more frightened that I had done so. I didn't understand. She nearly screamed and I could only scream back. She fell silent and I felt bad for screaming. I let my mind settle before asking her more calmly and telling her that I'm worried about her. She started mumbling about me able to fly away while she couldn't. I was even more confused. Why could I fly away and yet she couldn't?  
  
Something was tying her down. She started mumbling about someone...someone thinking badly. At first thought I thought about Nishio. But they seemed very...good for eachother, much to my dismay. Then she fell silent again and confusion was flooding me like crazy. She tried leaving but I stopped her. I reminded her to make a wish on the star I had made her. She seemed to need it.  
  
And she just nodded and I left. I knew she would go back to that Nishio guy. And somehow, I longed to be in that person's place. And yet I was just the best friend Sakura longed for since five years ago. Just a friend.  
  
I felt angry. I had known Sakura longer. Done much more for her. And yet she didn't seem to see me in that way. But Sakura didn't need an angry friend right now. She needed someone to lean on. I wondered if Nishio Yori would do a good job.  
  
  
  


*

  
  
  
  
-Back into the future (at the hospital)-  
  
  
And I wanted to run into a wall right then and there. What a stupid baka I had been. I had actually thought that Sakura was having a healthy, normal relationship with the bastard. I wanted to rewind time and do all the things I could have done to prevent everything, or anything at all, to have happened. All those times I saw her sitting there at her desk, she was teetering on the edge of sanity. But I didn't realize, nor did I notice.  
  
Sakura was sitting there in her hospital gown, the sun setting in front of her. She had spoke towards the window, only occasionally turning to look at me. When she had talked about Tomoyo's death, she had stood up and pressed her fingertips on the window's glass, as if she couldn't get out of the building. When she talked about the tape, she sank down into her seat again. And when she spoke now, she was looking at me as if wanting to know why I hadn't saved her.  
  
I looked down at the white tiled ground in anguish. I could have done something. And yet I was blind enough to not see anything until it was right in front of me.  
  
"But I don't blame anyone for not seeing the truth," came her voice. "Partly it was my fault for putting up an act anyways. I could have just broke down and killed myself, couldn't I? But then...somehow I didn't kill myself...because there was still Syaoran and I wanted to make sure he was ok..." I felt my eyes burn with something alien. Watery. Tears? Li Syaoran doesn't cry.  
  
I clenched my fists tightly.  
  
The sky went dark as the sun slipped away.  
  
Sakura was still speaking. "All I wanted then was a hug. A hug from my mother perhaps..."  
  
I didn't know why but I got up from my seat then, and walked towards Sakura who's back was still facing me. She was still talking to the window. I didn't know why but I bent down and hugged her then. I hadn't dare to go near her at all for the whole time she was speaking. I was scared I would break the spell and she would go back into her little fantasy world and never come back. Never come back to me.  
  
When my arms wrapped her around her cold and still figure, she fell silent. At first I felt my heart beat quicken. I had done it, I had broke the spell and now she was crazy again. I swore under my breath.  
  
"And I really dreamt of my mother hugging me," she spoke. I felt myself release a breath of relief. "Her hug was warm and comforting...strong. Very real..." she moved and her head tilted to rest underneath my chin. "I fitted in her arms like a mold..."  
  
Though it felt weird hugging her while she described a hug from her mother, I couldn't care less because Sakura had responded nonetheless. I watched with her as the stars began to blink in the sky, and I went with her into her world as her words brought me in.  
  
  
  


*

  
  
  
  
-Back to the past (Sakura's story)-  
  
  
  
Life still went on. Days still went by. A week. I didn't know. But that was when the paper star messages began. And I knew who they were from and I was glad that he was smart enough to not talk to me too much when we saw each other. But that led me to wonder if he knew about Yori...but how would Syaoran know about Yori's...behavior?   
  
I entered the classroom one Monday morning and saw the daily paper star on my desk. Syaoran was already there and he nodded at my knowingly. I sat down and took the paper star from my desk and placed it into my pocket. I would read the message later, because Yori had just come into the room. He took his seat and gave me a peck on the cheek that sent shivers spreading through me like a spider's web.  
  
I didn't speak. I was tired.  
  
Tomoyo's funeral was going to be this Sunday. Six more days until I would see her again. I wondered if she was just as beautiful as the last time I had seen her...Meiling-chan would be there too, according to one of Syaoran's paper stars.   
  
The bell rang again. It was some daily routine I was getting bored of. I had a different class then Yori for first block which was good. I said good-bye to him and nodded at Syaoran before ducking into the girl's bathroom to look at the paper star Syaoran had left on my desk.  
  
I unwrapped it and read the message neatly written in black ink.  
  
_You need to eat more at lunch. I notice you never eat. Why? What's wrong Sakura, you can tell me._  
  
I bit my lip. Syaoran just had to be so dang observant. I looked up and glanced at myself in the washroom mirror. Sure, I looked gaunt and pale but at least I was alive unlike Tomoyo. I took out five more strips of wrinkled star paper pressed between some of the pages in my textbook. They were all from Syaoran from last week. The first one read:  
  
_You aren't speaking. You seem afraid to. If you won't talk to me, will writing to me work? -your best friend_  
  
And so I had begun to write to Syaoran in paper stars and leaving them on his desk just like how he left his stars on my desk. I thought maybe that way Yori would think I didn't care about Syaoran all that much and wouldn't even think of Syaoran as a target if anything were to happen. It all seemed like a good plan. My first star I had written to him went something like this:  
  
_Gomen, I'm not afraid...I just don't want to talk to anyone. It's not personal. Please understand._  
  
And he did understand, much to my relief. Syaoran really was a good friend. I decided I would try eating more at lunch today, just to make him happy and to let him know that I still take his words seriously. I hurried to class and made it just in time. I felt slightly dizzy from the lack of sleep and food, so I slipped into my seat gratefully. I really tried to concentrate on the math equations on the board. I really did.  
  
But the chalk and the board blurred together as one and I had to blink so many times that I just gave up completely. I resided to doodling again and decided to make a paper star from my worksheet paper. I would scribble a note for Syaoran in it.  
  
_I'll eat more for lunch, don't worry. Nothing's wrong, I'm just a bit sad. Aren't you?  
  
_Pinching the corners, the star looked a bit deformed but that was ok. I heard sensei say something but I wasn't sure. I was probably doing horrible in all my classes right now, but that seemed so small compared to everything else going on in my life. When class ended, I saw Syaoran walk by and I quickly went after him. Stopping him, I wordlessly shoved the star into his hand. He looked at me.  
  
"Sakura--"  
  
"Sakura, there you are!" Came Yori's voice. I flinched and turned around. I really hoped that he did not see me handing that star to Syaoran.   
  
I did my fake smile as he took his hand in mine. Syaoran just watched us. "Where are we going now, Yori?" I asked quietly.  
  
"How about outside? The fresh air is nice," he suggested.  
  
I nodded without a word and gave Syaoran a quick glance before Yori led us away. But then Yori stopped and turned around to look at Syaoran. "Hey, Li-kun, you know for our History project?"  
  
I swallowed as I looked up at Yori and quickly at Syaoran. He nodded and asked, "Yeah, so?"  
  
Yori smiled, "We can work on it tomorrow after school?"  
  
Syaoran shrugged, "If you want."  
  
"Ok," Yori said with that smile still on his face. Somehow, this time I didn't think a smile was that comforting from him anymore. "How about at your place, if that's ok?"  
  
Syaoran nodded and gave me a look before heading off in the opposite direction. Eversince Tomoyo's death, Syaoran had lived in his old apartment that his family bought. I felt something in me sink. How would I persuade Yori to let me go with him to Syaoran's? I didn't feel okay with the thought of Syaoran and Yori alone. In a house. Where there might be vases. Or something else.  
  
I felt my insides squirm in discomfort as I looked up at him. "Yori--"  
  
"You have volleyball tomorrow after school, don't you? I'm sorry I won't be there to cheer you on," he cut in before I could finish. Somehow I could tell by the tone of his voice that it was pointless to try to follow him. I blinked and looked at the ground.   
  
"Maybe if practice ends sooner, I can go to Syaoran's and help you guys on your project..." I said and wished my voice wouldn't shake.  
  
He seemed to think about it before smiling. "Sure."  
  
I nodded and he grinned. I suddenly wanted to go to some foreign country where no one knew me and I could start all over again. That would be nice. But that wasn't going to happen.  
  
  


*

  
  
  
The next day, I was late for homeroom because I had fallen asleep at 5:30 am. I realized that I didn't even have to go to homeroom because the bell had already rung for first block to begin, but I needed to get my paper star from my desk.   
  
But there was no paper star on my desk.   
  
I stood there staring at the smooth surface of my desk for a good minute before my homeroom sensei called me over to see if I was ok. I said I was fine. But I really wasn't because Syaoran always left a paper star on my desk...always. I didn't like things that were out of the ordinary. It made me scared. It made me think of a million possibilities on what may have happened to that star. Or the maker of that star.  
  
I hurried to class. I was glad I had Geography because Syaoran was also in that class. But also Yori. Maybe I could ask Syaoran about it...without Yori hearing...but what if he heard and got suspicious that I was communicating with other guys through notes? I was getting paranoid, and I knew it. But it never hurts to be extra careful, especially when you have someone like Yori beside you all the time.  
  
When I entered class, I attempted to catch Syaoran's gaze but he was concentrating on his notes. Yet I was glad that he was actually in class and wasn't somewhere else. It made half of my worries disappear. Yet another half was still there, eating at me through the eighty minutes of Geography. I didn't care why the mountains were where they were, and I didn't care if Mt. Everest was the highest point of the earth's crust. I just wanted to ask Syaoran about the paper star.  
  
Yet when class did end, Yori launched his hand in mine and seemed even more frantic to get me out of the classroom then any other day. I caught Syaoran's gaze for one second but it was much too quick to see what he was thinking. Not that I could tell in the first place. The day was a blur and I ended up not having much of an appetite to finish my lunch because I hadn't been able to speak to Syaoran.  
  
When class ended, I reluctantly went to my locker to get my shorts and t-shirt. The flowers in front of Tomoyo's locker were wilting. I sighed and picked them up, mourning the loss of their beauty. I really didn't want to go to volleyball practice. I stood there thinking about skipping one practice. Just one. Coach wouldn't mind...she would understand that maybe I wasn't up for it after the trauma. Or maybe she wouldn't understand but I didn't care.  
  
For once, in a long time, I decided to do something. I decided to skip volleyball practice and go to Syaoran's to make sure he was alright.  
  
That was when I accidentally dropped my shorts and had to bend down to pick it up. And that when I also noticed a thin sheet of paper that looked like star paper, unwrapped and wrinkled at the bottom of my locker. Someone had slipped it through my closed locker door because the message from Syaoran was one I hadn't read before.  
  
_Please Sakura, I need to talk to you. Meet me at the park at 7._  
  
I stared at it. The message was also crossed out with red ink. Why would Syaoran had slipped it through my locker and crossed it out? Unless...it wasn't Syaoran who had slipped it into my locker? Then who had...and why? And...and a bunch of thoughts just ran through my head before I felt dread fill me like the time Syaoran told me Tomoyo was at home. Alone.  
  
Syaoran. Syaoran was all that ran in my mind right now. And the foreboding feeling this slip of star paper gave me.   
  
Maybe Yori was the one who had taken the star from my desk. Maybe Yori was the one who had unwrapped it and figured things out. Maybe Yori was the one who had slipped it under my locker door to taunt me like how he did with the videotape. And maybe he was slamming a vase down on Syaoran's head as I stood here like an idiot.  
  
I threw my shorts and t-shirt back into my locker and slammed the door shut. I didn't bother closing my lock and ran as fast as I could to Syaoran's old apartment. I knew where it was. Of course I did. It had been my second home nine years ago.  
  
I was dizzy, tired, and fearful as I hurried down the sidewalk. Maybe if I had eaten my lunch I would have had more strength to run. Maybe if I had slept normally I would have the energy to keep my eyes open. The sun was blaring down on me, making me pant and feel as if a thousand weights were on my legs. Running had never been a problem of mine. And yet now, it just had to turn on me.  
  
Syaoran and Yori couldn't have been at Syaoran's apartment for long, I tried assuring myself. If anything were to happen, it couldn't have already happened, right? My thoughts didn't exactly calm my racing heart as I neared the familiar white building. When I reached it, I groaned in dismay that there were gates and you needed a special code number to open them.  
  
I rattled the gates, I kicked at them, but I failed to do any damage to it. I yelled for somebody inside to open the darn gates, but no one heard me. My heart raced and I was sure it would stop any second.  
  
That was when I decided I would climb over the low wall surrounding the building. Determined, I hopped onto a wobbly trashcan and heaved myself up with the little strength I had. Scraping my knee on the cement, I jumped down and nearly twisted my ankle. Breathing hard, I felt the world spin slightly as I steadied myself.  
  
I was not going to faint. Not when I was so close. Not when I was going to save Syaoran.  
  
Pushing the glass doors open, the lobby was silent. I jammed my finger on the up button of the elevator, waiting impatiently for the silver doors to open. When it finally made an annoying 'ding' sound, I ran in and realized I couldn't remember what floor it was on. I just remembered there was a 52 in his room number...but what was the first number? If I knew the first number...I would know the floor...  
  
I bit my lip and pressed every floor. I was glad this apartment wasn't a thirty story one, but only a ten-story building. But that was enough floors for Yori to do something. Or maybe Syaoran was smart and was alert...but what if he wasn't? Tomoyo had been fooled...I had been fooled...if only I had just told Syaoran in the first place. If only I had just...spoke out.  
  
But I decided that I wasn't going to regret just yet. I didn't have the time to.  
  
The doors slid open for floor one. I ran to room 152 and pressed the doorbell twice. No one answered. I knocked and pounded. Finally, some old man answered and I didn't even have time to apologize as I ran back to the elevator. Floor two.  
  
Much to my annoyance, floor two was some lady who thought I was selling girl scout cookies. The third floor was a man who asked if I was asking for donations. And when I reached the fourth floor, there was just something familiar about it. Maybe because there was a paper star dropped carelessly near the front of the elevator that caught my eyes immediately. I recognized it as the star I had made from my worksheet paper just yesterday.  
  
I didn't bother picking it up as I ran to room 452, forgetting about how tired I was, forgetting about how my feet were going to buckle beneath me any second. I was going to knock when my hand reached the door and it easily opened. That made my heart skip a beat and for one second I thought I was going to just evapourate into the air and wish I never existed.  
  
If anything happened to Syaoran, I would never forgive myself. If anything happened to anyone else, what would I do?  
  
I slipped into the quiet apartment room silently. The carpet was a pretty green. Very much Syaoran. Everything was neat and clean. I heard a clock ticking from the living room. I walked in. The TV was on. Somehow, nothing seemed very comforting at all. _Nothing_.  
  
A cup of tea was on the glass coffee table, and a binder was left on the plush couch. A pencil seemed to have rolled off the coffee table because it was sitting peacefully at the foot of the table. No sign of life. I looked ahead and saw the balcony. No one was there either, but I caught sight of a familiar jar of paper stars sitting on the railing. I braced myself and padded towards the glass doors separating the room to the balcony.  
  
But that was when I heard running water. From a sink. Splashing onto something. The kitchen.  
  
I immediately turned towards where I thought to be the kitchen. I couldn't bare what I felt in my mind and nearly leapt over towards the adjoining room. At first, I thought I was hallucinating. At first I thought I must be in my dreams again but then my dreams were pleasant, not unpleasant. And since what I saw was unpleasant, I knew at once that this was _not_ a dream and in fact reality.  
  
And what I saw was Syaoran standing at the sink washing a teacup with his brow furrowed slightly, and Yori advancing closely to him with a baseball bat. Now that wasn't pleasant and I wasn't about to simply stand there and watch the scene unravel. This time, I was here in person. This time I wasn't watching something from a tape. This time, I was here and I could stop it.  
  
And I did.  
  
I thought for one second about my life and everything in it. I thought about onii-chan and otou-san and mother who was up there and probably very disappointed in her little girl. I thought about Tomoyo who was probably nodding and agreeing with mother. I thought about my drawing about the black sun and the fallen stars. And I thought, what a beautiful world.  
  
And so before I knew it, I had run into the kitchen and nearly launched myself in front of Syaoran. And when I did that, I was smiling and feeling the happiest I had ever been in my entire life. Because I knew, for once, that I was doing something right.  
  
And it was also then that the world slipped away and blackness enveloped me as something seemed to shatter in me and I could no longer feel, nor see, nor think very much.   
  
Except that everything was going to be ok again.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
AN: Aiya, this is probably the biggest cliffie I have done in this fic. Is the ending of this chapter confusing? Well, to sum up the ending, Yori was advancing in on Syaoran to slam the bat on him when Sakura leapt in the way. Make sense? Yep, yep ^^ Welpz, next chapter will be from alot of people's point of view...at least I think so. There will probably be two more chapters until the end =( I vant to cry! You have all been so helpful and supporting, and I'm glad that most of you have enjoyed this fic =) I'm glad to have provided some entertainment and shivers...ehehe, and yes, don't think that I'm crazy for writing such a chaotic fic. I'm a perfectly fine person. Lol ^^ Well, R+R and thank you veree much for reading!  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	12. Fantasy

  
  
  
AN: Ok, the big question: Why was the door open to Syaoran's house? LOL er, because Syaoran was silly and forgot to lock it ^O^;; Good for him actually, since if he did he'd probably be dead -_- Aiyz, I feel like bawling because there's only one more "real" chapter after this one and then an epilogue thing =_= *sigh* This fic has been fun to write, and some of you have been asking where I got an idea like this. Er...well mainly it's from my head o.0;; And why paper stars? Well, I had this HUGE obsession with making them back in Gr.5 and I'm still pretty obsessed with them since they're scattered everywhere in my room =P So paper stars just because I like them =) If I liked tin foil then the story would have been called tin foil. Yes...all of you have been really supportive and I can't thank you all enough for reviewing and giving me feedback =) Love you all!  
  
  
Disclaimer: CCS doesn't belong to me, it belongs to CLAMP =(  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Paper Stars  
Chapter Twelve: Fantasy

  
  
  
  
  
  
Syaoran's Point of View  
  
  
  
I didn't know what was going on. It just kind of..._happened_. Everything had been going smoothly and it was just my typical boring afternoon. Then everything kind of flipped and I found myself in a building of white. Literally. White uniforms, white walls, white tiles, white sheets, white toilets. You name it. But I wasn't part of the sickly that lay in the white beds of the hospital. I was a visitor, you may say.  
  
A visitor of Sakura's.  
  
Like I said, it just _happened_.   
  
Nishio had come over to my house and we had got our notes laid out and ready to go. I decided to be at least a bit polite and offered if he wanted anything to drink. Oddly, he said sure and said he wanted tea. I had nodded and gone off to the kitchen and noticed all my cups were unwashed. Grumbling, I had hastily begun to wash one and I guess my thoughts started to drift towards Sakura. Sakura and her well-being. I was still worried.  
  
And that was when my concentration left me too as I remembered Sakura's brilliant smile and flushed face. Just a few weeks ago. And now? What could I say? Pale and dead, ghost-like Sakura. And maybe I was thinking about Sakura too much because the _real_ Sakura actually just appeared out of nowhere. Seemingly.  
  
And saved me from death's grip.  
  
But you should have seen my face. At first I was in complete shock as I felt something soft push against me. Then I turned around and I wanted to shut my eyes but couldn't. Sakura had sort of leapt on me and was pressing herself against me, and much to my horror there was Nishio swinging this baseball bat that I usually kept in the living room right down on us. But then I realized what was going on and started to fall so Sakura would fall with me.  
  
But we were a bit too late.  
  
Sakura still got hit with the bat.  
  
And I didn't hear her scream. When I finally recovered from shock, I immediately turned around and grabbed Sakura, frantic about her life. I immediately checked her breath which was still there but shallow. The bat didn't seem to have met her head though, which was good or else who knows what would have happened?   
  
And it was also then that I looked up fleetingly at Nishio who kind of held the bat in a shocked silence. It was like that for a good while before he dropped the bat and crouched down to look at Sakura's closed eyes and smiling lips. I instantly pulled her away from his reach, knowing now that this person was mad. Insane. A murderer. I had hastily picked up Sakura and dialed the police and an ambulance.  
  
And all this seemed so surreal that I couldn't even feel my own racing heart and my own fright biting at me. I just felt a strange calmness in me as I finished the calls and in a matter of minutes the authorities had arrived and taken the still silent Nishio away. I didn't know what was going to happen to him, but I didn't care. I just wanted Sakura to be alright.  
  
The paramedics came rushing to me and I was reluctant to let go of her still form. Somehow, I was suddenly able to feel my senses and emotions again and it all came at me in full force. I finally let go of her and followed them out the apartment and into the ambulance. I sat with her all the way there. I couldn't tell why she was smiling, nor could I tell why she seemed so peaceful whereas she seemed to be living in hell when she was awake.   
  
And that was where I was now. The hospital. I could only think about the feeling of having Sakura on my back, saving me from a bloody death. I thought that if she was permanently hurt...I would promise to stay by her side because it should have been me in her place. I was sitting on one of those uncomfortable plastic chairs in the hall, just outside of the room Sakura was in.  
  
I couldn't help but feel tired. It had been two hours just sitting and waiting, not knowing what was going on. My patience was running thin as I got up and paced. That was also when Sakura's father and brother appeared. Her brother didn't look too different, nor did her father. I could sort of recognize them as their anxious faces appeared out of the elevator.  
  
"YOU! GAKI!" Some people never change, I decided, as Touya Kinomoto came charging at me. "Are you responsible for my sister being here?! ARE YOU?"  
  
I didn't flinch as I glared at him and muttered, "We're in a hospital."  
  
Sakura's father, much more gentle and kind, came up to his son and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Touya, calm down. Like Li-kun said, we're in a hospital. I'm sure Sakura is fine..." his voice trailed off as his eyes looked at me, as if wanting me to tell him he was right.  
  
I nodded slowly, "...I have faith in Sakura. She'll be ok."  
  
The annoying brother seemed to calm down a bit as a worried look crossed his face. "How long have you been here?"  
  
"Two hours or so," I answered and looked at the closed doors of the room. "...Sakura will be alright..." I repeated under my breath. She had to be ok. She just had to.  
  
"What happened?" Fujitaka Kinomoto asked gently.  
  
I looked up at his fatherly eyes. I suddenly missed my father. The father I couldn't even remember. I suddenly wanted to spill everything out to this man in front of me. But then again, I didn't know everything. Only Sakura did. And maybe Nishio. I suddenly realized how little I really saw of what Sakura felt. I suddenly realized that I had been conversing with the shell of her, and never penetrating through that fake plastic mold she made to hide away her grief.  
  
I felt like an idiot then. I really did.  
  
I felt like running out of the hospital, felt like doing something, anything to release the confusion I suddenly felt. What had gone on all those times Sakura smiled at me? What had gone on everytime Sakura turned to look at me? Could I not read her mind? Her eyes? Was I stupid enough to let whatever happened slip by me just like that? Had Sakura been calling out to me all along?  
  
I didn't know.  
  
"Gaki, my dad just asked you something," came Touya's annoying voice, though he was actually not glaring at me when I turned to look at him.  
  
I swallowed, my throat tight and dry as I looked at Sakura's father. "I don't know what happened...I just know that I owe Sakura my life."  
  
"So you did have something to do with this!" Touya pointed an accusing finger at me.  
  
I felt tired, exhausted from whatever mental battle I was having within myself. Grumbling, I shrugged, "It just happened. Nishio suddenly became murderous and wanted to...kill me?" It finally dawned on me...that Nishio-kun had intended to hurt me. Not Sakura. Not anyone else. But me. My brow furrowed in more confusion. What had I ever done to him?  
  
"Nishio?" Touya looked just as confused. "That must be the new student Sakura vaguely mentioned..."  
  
"Vaguely?" I blinked and smirked. "He's her damn boyfriend."  
  
I thought the expression on Touya Kinomoto's face was priceless. Wide-eyed and jaw dropped, he looked like a cartoon character. Smirking to myself, I simply shook my head as Touya and his father mumbled something to one another. Fujitaka stepped forward and placed a strong hand on my shoulder. I looked up and he simply nodded. I suddenly felt as if I had someone's trust. Had Sakura's father's trust. That whatever happened, whatever we were going to find out, would be ok.  
  
We were all on the same boat of confusion.  
  
Only Sakura knew the story.  
  
The white doors swung open and the doctor came out.  
  
I literally popped out of my seat as Sakura's family rushed over to the doctor first. I floated behind, eager to hear about Sakura's condition but knowing her family had the right to hear first. I didn't hear the details, but the one phrase that caught my ear and let the rush of relief wash through me was, "but she's going to live."  
  
That was all that mattered to me.  
  
I didn't expect anything else. I was just happy she was breathing, blood pumping, alive.  
  
But then when her brother and her father turned around, I saw a strange look in their eyes. Relief, fright, grief? It was a strange mix of emotions I couldn't read, and I wondered what I had missed. Loosing patience, I forcefully asked, "What's wrong?"  
  
I was sort of surprised that Touya bothered to answer. He looked up briefly at me, the fire gone in his eyes. "She's...going to be ok."  
  
Somehow I knew that wasn't the whole story. I felt angry. Why were they hiding things from me? I was Sakura's best friend. I loved her even if she didn't know, didn't care. I had a right to know too...at least I thought I did. Anger flaring, I pushed the two aside and stormed into the room, not caring about the shouts of complaint coming from behind me.  
  
I wanted to see for my own eyes what was wrong with her. Why should there be anything wrong with her? She was alive.   
  
Why would there be any other problems?  
  
  


*

  
  
  
Sakura's Point of View  
  
  
  
I felt warm arms holding me. I felt blissful. I was in a happy place. A place radiating with warmth, comfort...joy. My heaven. Then I thought, maybe I _was_ in heaven. My happiness soared at the simple thought. Gone, away, from that horrid world I had been in before. Leaving it behind, running from it, I didn't care how I had ended up in this warm bubble of bliss. I just knew I was free.  
  
Away from the insanity of reality.  
  
I saw trees. Green. I saw the park. Filled with happy children. I wanted to join them, but didn't want to break the picture. I simply watched as they slid down the slide. I suddenly remembered my dream. The slide. The one where you couldn't slide down, because you would never come back again. I suddenly wondered if I had slid down that slide.   
  
And I was never going to go back to where I had come from.  
  
It was a wonderful thought. I wondered who it had been in my dream, that wanted to stop me from sliding down all the way. They didn't know how happy I was, in this blissful world of perfection.  
  
I heard a voice. Calling. I looked up. I couldn't see anyone or anything but blue cloudless sky. That voice was familiar, but I didn't want to recognize it. What if it brought me back to that world I had finally left? I quickly plugged my ears and ran. Ran past the green grass and the laughter of children. Past the empty perfect streets, the perfect smooth pavement.  
  
That voice followed me though.  
  
I stopped running and screamed up to the sky. Why are you calling out to me? Why do you want to bring me back to that horrid place called reality? I wanted to tell that voice to give up. I wasn't going to leave me sanctuary. My dream world. My fantasy.  
  
I looked around me. Was this my dream land? Where buildings had perfect paint on it, where the streets weren't bumpy and the sky never turned grey? I decided that this was indeed my fantasy land. Reality could never be so pleasant.  
  
I sat down on the curb, listening for that male voice. It had stopped calling. I smiled as I listened for more sounds. But there were none.  
  
It was so silent in my dream world. Nothing out of place. Just my perfect picture and silence.  
  
I closed my eyes, humming to myself. If I had known this strange world was so comforting, I would have left reality sooner.  
  
Whatever this strange world was, I didn't want to leave.  
  
  


*

  
  
  
Touya's Point of View  
  
  
She's insane.  
  
That's what the doctor called it.  
  
Insanity.  
  
I was dieing. Dieing to know what happened to my little kaijuu. Why was she insane? How could she be insane? She was always the happy one, the one to smile through everything. Why had she suddenly cracked? Broke? Was the pressure to be happy too hard on her? Had she been too joyful for too long that God wanted her to feel pain? Pain enough to make her go crazy?  
  
I didn't have the strength to stop that gaki as he pushed by me and otou-san. I didn't have too much strength to tell him to leave my sister alone. I just told him to stop, but of course he didn't listen.  
  
He was a determined boy. I didn't think he would have listened even if I did punch him in the face like I wanted to. I could only watch as the white doors swung open and shut, the gaki disappearing through it as it shut behind him.   
  
I wanted to go in. Wanted to see for myself. But then I was afraid. Afraid to see the truth. Maybe if I didn't see her in the state she was in, I could make myself believe that she was okay.  
  
That she was simply sitting up in bed, waiting for us to go in and bring her home.  
  
I guess I was running from the truth. You could call that cowardly, but do I care? At least the gaki's strong enough to push open those doors and see her for himself. But maybe that's just because he doesn't know she's not the same anymore.  
  
She won't be smiling when he enters the room. Or maybe she would be but for a different matter than seeing him.  
  
I looked up to see otou-san, looking forlornly at the tiled floor. I wondered if he was thinking about mother. I was thinking about her too. Maybe if mother was here, Sakura would have had someone to talk to...or maybe I was just chasing possibilities that weren't possible.  
  
The doctor said that they couldn't do anything. It was all up to Sakura. If Sakura wanted to come back to us, she would. If she didn't, then she didn't.  
  
They say it so simply.  
  
They don't care. They merely tell us the bad news, let us suffer, and the world still goes on.  
  
Maybe that was why Sakura decided to leave this world. It was cruel and cold.  
  
Maybe where she was now was her heaven. Her world.  
  
  


*

  
  
  
Syaoran's Point of View  
  
  
It was a strange feeling. To enter thinking I would see Sakura lying asleep under the snow white covers of the hospital bed. Yet to enter and see her sitting up and smiling, humming a happy tune to herself somewhat chilled me. I stood in front of the closed doors for a few seconds, watching her as she stared ahead, humming steadily, the smile never leaving her lips.  
  
She seemed happy. Very happy.  
  
I finally snapped out of my thoughts and crept to her side silently. I called out her name. Her smile seemed to flutter a bit. I think she heard me. I called again, and again, and I wondered why she never turned to look at me. Was she purposely ignoring my voice? I didn't understand. Was she mad at me? I asked her if she was.  
  
Her brow furrowed as her lips parted to speak.  
  
"Why are you calling out to me?" Her voice was strained. Hurt that I could even want to call out to her. I sat down on the bed, confusion written all over my face as she spoke to the wall ahead. Never facing me.  
  
"Sakura? It's Syaoran," I spoke tentatively, placing a hand over her's. They were slightly cold, but not too cold. I held her hand tightly, wanting to see any signs of recognition. If this was the definition the doctor called "fine", I couldn't understand it at all. It was as if she couldn't see me. Even if her eyes were opened, her facial expressions lively.  
  
I felt a shiver run down my spine.   
  
"Sakura?" I repeated.  
  
Her fingers twitched slightly, and she finally turned to look at me. I felt relief jump in my heart, but her next words didn't exactly comfort me.  
  
"It's really quiet here," she said lightly. "The grass can't get any greener either."  
  
I stared.  
  
We were in a hospital room. The curtains were drawn. The walls surrounding us were thick and white. You could see no grass. I didn't understand her at all. I looked around me, wondering if I was just missing something. Then I wondered, maybe I _was _missing something.  
  
Missing Sakura's world. Wherever she was now. I yearned to be in her world. To be with her. But it seemed impossible.  
  
"Actually, it's kind of weird how quiet it is," she continued, as if speaking to herself.  
  
I let go of her hand shakily. I was scared suddenly. Scared of this girl I knew since I was seven? No...I was scared of this stranger that I loved. This stranger that made no sense at all...and yet I still loved this shell of a person. I called out to the doctor. I called out to her brother. I called out to her father. I needed someone to tell me what was wrong.  
  
They all came rushing in.  
  
I turned to them, not caring if they could see the fright in my eyes. Not caring if they could see my shoulders shaking and the paleness in my skin as I asked, "What's wrong with her?"  
  
The doctor stepped up, and I thought he seemed as lighthearted as could be. I hated doctors. They seemed to not care about anything at all. "Are you family?"  
  
"I don't give a damn if I'm family or not," I muttered. "I just want to know what's wrong with her."  
  
"Are you family?" The doctor repeated.  
  
I felt my fists tighten, my eyes suddenly flaring as I stood up quickly from the bed. I wanted to jump at the doctor. He was purposely hiding the truth from me. He wanted to taunt me. He didn't want me to know Sakura's condition. All these outrageous thoughts spun in my head until the tall, lean form of Sakura's brother stepped up in front of me.  
  
"She's out of her mind," he said in a flat tone.  
  
I looked up at him, confused at first. I looked over my shoulder, at Sakura whom I had never seen smile so much ever since Daidouji's death. I turned back to look at Touya. "How can you say that? Don't you see her smiling?" The voice coming out of my mouth betrayed my emotions. My voice seemed delighted, happy to see Sakura smiling. But my insides were crumbling.  
  
Because the truth finally hit me.  
  
She was out of her mind.  
  
"She's smiling because she's _insane_," her brother repeated with such force that I suddenly felt angry again. Angry at nothing. But I had no right to be angry. They were all angry too. All grieving, all torn. I felt my shoulders sag as I looked at Sakura once more. Somehow, I felt that strange calmness again. That calmness I had felt when Sakura had leapt in the way. The moment she had saved me.  
  
That strange calm before the storm.  
  
I felt as if I had known this would happen. I felt as if this was ordinary. Ordinary that she had slipped away. In fact I started to wonder how she had hung on to reality for such a long time. I suddenly felt proud for her. And I suddenly felt insane myself.  
  
"She'll be transferred to the mental hospital tomorrow afternoon."  
  
I wanted to laugh. Just let go and laugh. I wanted to ask the doctor if I could transfer there too.   
  
"And you are Li Syaoran?"  
  
I heard my name. I turned my head to look at the doctor's inquiring gaze. I simply nodded as he looked down at his clipboard. He scribbled something and spoke again, "The police want a few words with you. Something to do with a boy named Nishio Yori."  
  
I felt a burning hatred at the name. I didn't know why, but I finally realized the missing piece to the massive puzzle I had in front of me. Nishio had something to do with this. He had something to do with taking my Sakura away. He was the cause. I wanted a word with him, if nothing more.  
  
"I want to speak to him," I blurted out without a thought, staring hard at the doctor as if he could dare defy me.  
  
The doctor seemed to falter at my gaze. I smirked. He cleared his throat. "I'm afraid that can't be done--"  
  
"I want to speak to him," I repeated.  
  
"...erm, you see, he's not in the condition--"  
  
"_He's_ not in the condition?" I nearly shouted. "Let's look at Sakura over there," I pointed a rigid finger at her figure. "She's the one rocking back and forth talking about trees and grass when there are no trees and grass in this freaking room!" I caught my breath. "I want to speak to him," I repeated once more, gathering myself as I did so.  
  
The doctor's glasses had slipped off the bridge of his nose as he hastily picked them up from the cool ground. Ruffling his white coat, he mumbled something under his breath and finally said, "Very well. Once you get to the police station, they'll let you see him. A car is waiting outside to escort you there."  
  
I couldn't care less if I had to walk. Mumbling a thank you to him as I brushed by him rudely, I only had one goal in mind.   
  
To find Nishio and get to the bottom of it all.  
  
  


*

  
  
  
There were no more flashing neon lights when the car pulled up to the station. Just a bunch of men in uniform and police cars parked in place. Just any ordinary view of the station. But when I entered through the automatic doors, chaos seemed to break lose as shouts and screams could be heard from within the office.  
  
"Li Syaoran?"  
  
I turned to look at a well kept man, I nodded slightly and he lead me through another door. I followed, each step a thud in my chest. I didn't know what to ask Nishio. I didn't know what to say. I just knew I was angry. The simple fact that he played a role in this tragedy was enough to bring anger to my soul. The policeman stopped walking and turned the knob of one secluded room off to the side.  
  
I entered without a word and realized this room was the source of all the shouting. I stared for a few minutes, taking in the scene of two policemen trying to restrain a maniacal Nishio Yori, thrashing his arms wildly and shouting the name Sakura. I glared.  
  
"Don't you dare speak her name," I found myself saying icily.  
  
Silence fell upon the room. Even Nishio Yori fell silent.  
  
"You're hear to be questioned," another officer said with authority as he pulled back a chair. "Please sit."  
  
And so I sat, my eyes never leaving those hollow coals of that beast, silently observing me too. I felt all eyes on me, and the lamp above us burning on our heads like the sun. "He tried to kill me," I stated simply.  
  
There was the video camera, rolling, and the scratch of pen against clipboard. I was feeling the placidity again. "Can you please describe the incident? What you can remember?"  
  
"He," I nodded my head towards the silent figure of Nishio, "came over to my house to work on a project for school. It was all fine really, until I went into the kitchen to get him a cup of tea," I paused slightly, watching him for any signs of distress. Anything at all. But there was nothing. "That's when he decided to take the baseball bat in my living room and kill me with it."  
  
More scratching of pen on clipboard. And the camera continued to film everything.  
  
"But as you can see, I'm not dead," I spat bitterly. "But Sakura, is insane."  
  
I waited until the scratching stopped. There was a moment of silence before the officer questioning me spoke up again. "The baseball bat you mentioned has been brought to headquarters for examination. The boy's parents have been called," the officer paused slightly and frowned. "After the call, they did not come to the station. We sent a few men over."  
  
I frowned.  
  
"They were found dead, though it is unclear why. It seems to be suicide," the officer spoke steadily. I glanced at Nishio. He did not frown. He did not smile. He seemed perfectly fine with the fact of his parents' death. I shuddered.  
  
"As you are one of the few people involved, I would like to ask if there has been any signs of...strange behavior from your friend? Kinomoto Sakura, the one injured? Or anything you noticed about Nishio Yori?"  
  
I bit my lip. This was why I had come in the first place. I wanted answers. From him. I turned to look at the officer. "I don't know, but he does," I glared coldly at whom I thought to be the cause of all this.  
  
The officer sighed slightly, tapping his pen on the desk. "But you see Li, he can't answer any of our questions."  
  
"And why is that?" I muttered angrily.  
  
"He's insane."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
AN: Duh, we all knew that already -_- But Syaoran didn't ^^;; Ahahaha, what's going to happen to Yori? What's going to happen to everyone? Mahahaha, don't worry, remember, I said happy ending ^^ Hm yes...I decided not to jump right to the point where Sakura was telling the story yet...just so you guys can get to find out what happened after the incident. The next ch. will probably take place in present time, so nothing from the past (which means Meiling will be there too...) I may change my mind but yesh... Tumdedum...R+R, thank you veree much~!  
  
  
  
  



	13. Reality

  
  
  
  
AN: Ok, this was a pretty stupid idea, updating on Halloween night ^^;; You readers are all probably going to be out there trick-or-treating and partying, I know I am =P Wooott, but I guess this is my gift to you all instead of candy; an update! So enjoy and have a great night out for those who are celebrating ^^  
  
Disclaimer: CCS doesn't belong to me, it belongs to CLAMP =(  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Paper Stars  
Chapter Thirteen: Reality

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
-Back into the future-  
  
Meiling's Point of View  
  
  
  
And that's how I found her when I got off the plane the day before Tomoyo-chan's funeral. I had found an empty apartment room, with no Syaoran. He had not been at the airport to pick me up, nor was he home to welcome me. At that time, I was extremely mad, thinking how heartless he could be. But then all those stupid thoughts ran out of my head when Syaoran returned nearly at one in the morning.  
  
It was obvious he was tired, his eyes slightly blood-shot and his hear even more disheveled then usual. I was watching TV in the living room when he came back, still a bit jet-lagged. He didn't even notice I was there until I walked up to him and asked if he was ok.  
  
And then he simply stared at me and his eyes told me no. He was not okay.  
  
"Is it because of Tomoyo-chan?" I had asked, thinking her death was still shocking him. "You never did tell me how..." my voice trailed away when Syaoran headed to his room without another word.  
  
I followed like a shadow. Silent but right behind.  
  
"...Is it Sakura-chan?" I had asked, slightly nervous at my cousin's strange behavior.  
  
He stopped walking then, his hand on the knob to his room. I thought he nodded, but I wasn't too sure until he entered his room and threw himself at his neatly made bed. I looked around, loving the familiarity of my cousin's room, my former crush too. At least some things were still the same. I crept to his bed and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. I felt like crying for no reason whatsoever.  
  
I didn't even know what happened.  
  
"What's wrong?" I asked gently. So gentle I couldn't even recognize my own voice.  
  
"...Everything," he had answered.  
  
And I soon learned that everything was not an understatement.  
  
Syaoran had brought me to the hospital. Not the regular hospital though. The hospital for treating special people. Special in a way. He had not told me the reason, but I knew if he had wanted to he would have.  
  
So cluelessly I went with him. And cluelessly I had entered that room where once my former good friend occupied. I was surprised, no shocked, to see her sitting there at the edge of the bed in one of those horrid hospital gowns. She had turned her head to me and I thought she looked everything but abnormal. Why was she in the mental hospital then?  
  
But then she smiled strangely, a smile the Sakura in my memories didn't have. "Shhh, you're speaking too loud...I can't hear anything at all."  
  
I bit my lip to stop it from trembling. Maybe she did have a reason for why she was here. I had turned to Syaoran with wide-eyes, a tint of hope still floating in the surface of my mind. Maybe I was just hallucinating this scene.  
  
He turned back to look at me and his eyes were filled with sorrow. "Meiling, meet Sakura. I doubt she'll remember you though...as you can see she's not quite in her mind," he said this all with a strange, steady voice. But it was a mask again. Syaoran was good at those, I had learned ever since we grew up together.  
  
"Oh just tell me what's wrong," I nearly begged as I turned to look at Sakura again. She was still smiling and staring at the wall.  
  
"I did," he repeated in that steady voice again. "She's crazy."  
  
And that statement brought me to stay in Tomoeda for a few months. A few painful months of watching those around her wilt and fade, having spurts of hope occasionally, and loosing it as quickly as it had come. The flame was flickering and ready to blow dry on our candle's of hope.  
  
She only seemed to be getting worse.  
  
So now I'm just sitting out here, in the night in front of the hospital. It feels like a second home for I have been here so many times. Daily almost. I feel like I've got to known Sakura better. Even if it isn't Sakura, the real Sakura. Maybe when she snaps out of it, she won't remember all the times I've spent by her bedside, making paper stars with her.  
  
But I don't care. I'll treasure those moments like any other. Even if they aren't normal and regular memories of good times with your friends. No amusement parks, no movies, no malls...just the white, stale air of the hospital to remember in my mind. But that's ok. As long as Sakura thought she was safe.  
  
I've been sitting out here eversince this morning. I don't feel like going back to the apartment. I don't feel like moving. I know Syaoran is still in there, probably just staring at Sakura. I think he's the one that has the most hope in him. Maybe because he had known her better than the rest of us before she fell into her own little world. Maybe because he loves her.  
  
I smiled to myself and at the full moon in the sky. No I won't pity Sakura too much. She has someone who cares and loves her. She'll always have that special someone out there, thinking of her smiles and her laughter.  
  
It's enough to make you envious of Sakura. Really.  
  
She'll just have to wake up and find out what a lucky person she actually is. In a way, I suppose.  
  
  
  


*

  
  
  
  
Syaoran's Point of View  
  
  
  
So we were left with the mystery. The puzzle. The two main people invovled in the situation were both insane. Crazy. That day I had left the police station, with new feeling and new thoughts spinning my head. I had wondered what kind of life Nishio led. It didn't seem too bright. Maybe it wasn't entirely his fault afterall...maybe it was just fate and his bad luck to have been the son of two suicidal parents.  
  
But then the police found out the mother was actually killed. By the father. They found his fingerprints on the mother's neck. All over. And then the father decided to kill himself.  
  
That really got me thinking.  
  
What type of family was that?  
  
But I decided, that wasn't in my area to think about. My focus was Sakura. And so Meiling, Sakura's brother and father, and I spent months by Sakura, sheltering her from whatever possible problem that could occur in a hospital. We became overprotective, we all wanted to keep an eye on her twenty four hours a day. But I was always the last person to leave.  
  
The one to say good night to her when she would simply not reply and continue to prance around the room as though she were dancing in some endless green field.  
  
She probably was. In her mind.  
  
And now, those memories of the Sakura, the crazy one, seem so distant and far. Because now, the Sakura I see sitting in the black leather chair is normal. She seems so at least. Or maybe all those hours of longing for her to get better was getting to me. Maybe I'm going crazy too.  
  
"But then I got scared because it was always so quiet in my world," Sakura's voice was soft again. "Too quiet."  
  
I listened, the anxiety in my soul nearly tearing me apart. What if she fell into her silent state after she stopped speaking? But I knew her story...was that all she wanted? For someone to hear her story and to understand what happened to her?  
  
I understood. I really did.  
  
And I was scared, frightened, terrorized for her at what she had gone through. But the overwhelming happiness that she had survived through it all seemed to chase away all the bad. Maybe if it had been my in her shoes, I might have cracked and might even be dead now.  
  
I didn't even feel angry. Angry at Nishio Yori. I pitied him actually. Pitied what little things he had in life. Pitied what he was born into and was lead to.  
  
But I didn't care about Nishio Yori. All I care about now is Sakura. Sakura getting better.  
  
"So..." Sakura paused slightly and for one fleeting moment I thought she would remain silent. "I decided to leave." I let out a breath of relief. I wonder how many times I had held my breath throughout the time Sakura had been speaking. But then realization dawned on me as her most recent words rang in my head, "I decided to leave."  
  
Decided to leave where?  
  
I couldn't help but ask out loud, "...leave where?"  
  
I was hesitant to say anything at all. Maybe I'd break her train of thought. But no. She continued. She answered me.  
  
"Leave my sanctuary," she shrugged slightly. I held back my urge to spin her around and stare at her face hard. I might scare her and she'd fall away again. Sink back into those murky depths of solitude.  
  
"Leave my world..." she continued, her voice a meer breath. "It was a weird feeling when I left my fantasy land behind. I felt like I was floating. Floating up and up...out of water I had drowned in. Crawled out from some pit I had fell into..."  
  
I sat, my brow slightly furrowed.   
  
"...and I'm almost out of the water. Almost out of that pit. But I'm missing something," she explained. "Maybe it's that little bit of inspiration...inspiration to live I guess? To return to reality. Why should I come back, I keep on asking myself...over and over again..."  
  
She needed a reason.  
  
A reason to come back?  
  
I felt my heart race and my mind muddle at the many reasons why she should come back. _Had_ to come back.  
  
I closed my eyes and let whatever it was take over me. It was like running a race and you could see the finish line just ahead, and that spurt of energy and adrenaline kicks in and you're ready to run the fastest you could ever run just to break that red rope.   
  
And I was more than ready to break that rope. Cross that finish line once and for all.  
  
"I love you Sakura."  
  
And silence met my ears. That deafening silence and I was sure I had broken the spell this time. Sakura was gone again. Sinking back into her insanity probably. Leaving the world behind. Reality behind. Me behind. The miracle of her speaking at all had ended.  
  
We were back to where we had begun.  
  
I felt my heart sink, my heart nearly stop as the great disappointment finally hit me.  
  
"Do you really?"  
  
That voice. For a seoncd I thought I was speaking to myself. For a second I thought my mind was playing tricks on me. But when I opened my eyes again and let the real world meet me again, I was embraced with the beautiful picture of Sakura, right in front of me, her face inches away from mine. I thought maybe I was dreaming. Maybe I had fainted from the anxiety. But no, I could feel her rythmic breath on my face, her eyes were too real and clear to be a dream.  
  
And I realized she had spoken.  
  
And I realized she was ok. I was ok. We were all ok.  
  
"Yeah..." I found myself answering breathlessly, simply taken away by the fact she had moved her chair from one spot to another and was sitting and staring back at me with a gaze I knew to be Sakura. The Sakura I fell in love with. My Sakura. "Yeah," I repeated with more loudness. "I do. I really do."  
  
She tilted her angelic face to her right, her eyes never so enchanting, never so mesmerizing as they filled with something other than blank emptiness of insanity. They had something in them. They were no longer hollow.  
  
"Pull me up then," her lips didn't seem to move. "Pull me out of the water. Out of the pit."  
  
I didn't think I understood her, but did I care? I stood up slowly from my seat and offered one hand to her.   
  
She responded by placing one of her smooth hands into mine, my fingers automatically wrapping around hers yet not too tightly. I was still being cautious. Still scared at what may go wrong.  
  
I felt her hand give off a bit of pressure, holding mine. I was met with a wave of confidence as I helped her to a standing position, away from that chair she sat in for hours on end when she had been in the depths of that murky water.  
  
Maybe I really was pulling her out of the water. Maybe I was really bringing her back and out of the black, dark pit.   
  
Her breath was still warm, her forehead touching mine and the tip of her nose grazing mine, sending a shiver down my spine. All the exhausation of sitting up and watching her for months, all the pain of watching her sink into insanity, just seemed to disappear almost as if it had never been there at all.  
  
"Is it safe?" she murmured, her eyes fluttering, looking into mine, searching for truth, for something.  
  
I smiled at her, a reassuring smile as I took her other hand. Holding them both tightly. "It's safe Sakura, it's going to be alright."  
  
"Safe?" she seemed to be tasting the word on her lips and on her tongue as if it were some new word. "Safe...," she repeated with a smile. "I won't get lost in reality again?"  
  
I shook my head, "Never again Sakura."  
  
"You mean it?" she whispered, her eyes never leaving mine.  
  
I felt my smile widdening as I came even closer to her, if that was possible. "Let me show you. Let me show you reality all over again."  
  
And then I kissed her.  
  
  
  


*

  
  
  
Sakura's Point of View  
  
  
  
When I finished my story, letting my words weave something as fine as silk, I felt something lift inside of me. Something heavy and horrible that had been holding me down, pushing me down, deeper into those waters of insanity. It was the cry of wanting to tell somebody what turmoil was running in my soul, what was eating away at me. The guilt, the pain. Everything.  
  
And finally I was able to release it. To get it all out as if someone had just knocked over a glass of water. Just as sudden as that I found myself floating away from my quiet world of fake perfection. Where everything was right.  
  
I found myself talking. Speaking. Out loud and no longer in my mind, and to my own little world where there was nobody to talk to. I found myself looking at someone who had always been there in my life, if he knew so or not. I found someone I had missed so dearly when he wasn't there, someone I had forgotten when he was really there in front of me.  
  
I found myself staring into the eyes of Li Syaoran.  
  
I found myself spilling out my darkest secrets, my most painful memories, all out to him and only him.  
  
And then I finally finished the story I had lived through. I found myself so close to the surface. So close to breaking out of the water that surrounded me. The darkness. I just needed that one last thing. That one last burst to push my out and let me break loose.  
  
And Syaoran did just that. I could always count on Syaoran. Always. And I felt something I never felt before. Emotions stirring in the pit of stomach as warm, amber eyes met mine.  
  
When I finally broke out and found myself back on planet earth, found reality surrounding me like some new found land, I realized how insane my own little world I had been. I found how unreal it had been. How fake, how fantasy-filled it was. The grass had been green, there had been no rain. There was no chaotic sounds, no disturbance at all.  
  
And I learned that it was impossible. Impossible to fool myself any longer.  
  
That alternate world I had created for myself was nothing but a chimera. A mirage. Reality would not always be sunny, would not always hold the greenest grass possible. There will be the occasional grey clouds, the occasional heat waves that bring dry and wilting grass.  
  
Reality will never be perfect. But reality changes. When rain comes, sun will follow. When sun comes, rain will follow. I decided that I'd be okay. I'd be okay stepping into the world I grew up in. I'd be okay living with grey skies and crisp autumn leaves. I'd be okay living in a world filled with my loved ones.   
  
Maybe I'll visit my world when I sleep at night. Or when I'm feeling down. But I'll always know I'll come back. I'll always know I won't get lost and won't drown again and be pulled down by insanity.  
  
Because I have somebody, on the other end, who will always be there. Always ready to pull me out when it's time. Always ready to bring me back with warmth and love.  
  
I decided I wasn't living such a bad life afterall. Just this simple moment seemed even more perfect than my alternate world.  
  
Just this simple moment of being in the arms' of a man I love. Just this simple moment with his lips on mine and mine on his.   
  
This was my perfect world. My perfect moment.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
AN: Epilogue is next...I suppose we'll get to find out what exactly happened to Yori *grumble grumble (who cares about him LOL)* But I guess I can't just leave it hanging...I hope you all got the part that Sakura is OK now. As in NOT CRAZY, and awake...S+S floof =)  



	14. Epilogue

  
  
  
AN: When you read this, you'll notice it's written in third person, not first person anymore. Why? Well, it's the final thing ever to Paper Stars, so it's a bit of a change of style to wrap it all up ^^ Hope you enjoy this, and thank you so much for the endless support =)  
  
Disclaimer: CCS doesn't belong to me, it belongs to CLAMP =(  
  
  
  
  
  


Paper Stars  
-Epilogue-  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The sun rose high and bright, casting its warm rays across the still sleeping town of Tomoeda. The birds awoke and began there daily chirping, woven into a beautiful song. She thought the song was magnificent, one of the most spectacular bird song's she had ever heard. And she thought all this with her eyes still closed, shifting slightly, careful not to awake the person sleeping beside her. Actually, she was sleeping in the arms of this certain man.  
  
A smile graced her lips as she let one eye crack open, stunned by the man's flawless face and hair that seemed to have a mind of its own. She let her other eye open and instantly squinted at the light crawling its way through the window they had forgotten to pull the blinds over. But that was alright, as long as she was safe and sound in her man's arms.  
  
Stifling a yawn, she was about to slowly get up from her sleeping position when strong arms tightened around her petite waist. Letting a giggle escape her lips, she smiled fondly as warm amber eyes revealed themselves to her.  
  
"Stared long enough, eh?"  
  
She instantly blushed and jabbed him playfully in the ribs. "Mou, I thought you were still sleeping."  
  
"No, the birds woke me up," Li Syaoran confessed as he placed a kiss on the girl's forehead.   
  
Her smile brightened even more before she giggled once more, "Good morning to you too."  
  
Syaoran felt his heart warm at the sight of her. Sakura smiling and giggling at him, a true smile and real laughter that made the birds hang their heads in shame. How he had missed her smile, the sparkle in her eyes. How he had missed everything about her. Her every movement, her every step. The real Sakura. His Sakura.  
  
"You know, you can let go of me now," Sakura teased, her eyes twinkling at the sight of a red-faced Syaoran who instantly loosened his grip around her waist. As soon as he had done so, Sakura wished he hadn't, missing the comforting weight.  
  
"Uh...er, ya..." Syaoran stuttered and shook his head clear, smiling sheepishly. "Guess we fell asleep after."  
  
"Mmm hmm..." Sakura got up slowly, noticing they had fallen asleep in one of the uncomfortable chairs in her hospital room. She growled in frustration as she attempted to smooth out her bland hospital gown, failing miserably. "I'm ready to get out of here, I really am," she finally spoke up as she looked around the white room that radiated no comfort at all.  
  
Syaoran frowned slightly, much to Sakura's shock. "What? You want me to stay in this...this place?" Her eyes slightly round and frightful.  
  
He hastily shook his head no, offering a reassuring smile before he explained, "Well...when we step out of this room...your brother and father will flock you and fuss over you and well..." he gave her another sheepish grin before continuing, "I won't get to spend as much time with you...especially with that brother of yours," he added as an afterthought.  
  
Sakura felt her heart flutter at the words. "Oh Shaoran..." he felt his insides tingle at the nickname only Sakura used. "I know my brother seems to hate your guts...but don't worry, he'll accept you someday."  
  
"Ya...someday," he grumbled under his breath just as Sakura took both his hands into hers. He looked up at her, noticing how she really did look like an angel standing before him, glowing with beautiful white light.  
  
"How about we sneak away just for today, just me and you," Sakura suggested softly. "And then we can tell my family the news that I'm...back," she finished with a brilliant smile.  
  
Syaoran couldn't help but shake his head, "Already thinking up evil little plans of running away, are we now?"  
  
Sakura pouted, "Well you're the one who said you wanted more time!"  
  
Syaoran grinned, "Ok, ok, you're still the little angel you use to be," he mumbled fondly. "But how exactly are we going to convince the doctors and nurses to let me take you out?"  
  
"Oh...well..." Sakura fell into deep thought just as the room door swung open, revealing a nurse pushing in a breakfast tray. She seemed startled to see Syaoran sitting there and even more confused at seeing Sakura holding his hands.  
  
"You weren't here all night were you young man?" The middle-aged nurse eyed him suspiciously.  
  
Syaoran fidgeted in his seat before Sakura started to tug on his arms. "Paper! More paper!" She said in a blank tone, causing Syaoran to turn his attention back to her, almost dreading that she had suddenly fallen back into her insanity.  
  
Catching Syaoran's frantic expression, Sakura winked at him slightly, instantly seeing his tensed shoulders relax, an amused smile threatening to spread wide on his lips.   
  
"Well?" The nurse sighed exasperatedly, shaking a head at Sakura. "The poor girl...still at it..."  
  
Clearing his throat with renewed confidence, Syaoran stood up with Sakura's hands still in his. "No, I came this morning, in fact I just arrived five minutes ago," he dared to look the nurse in the eye. "I was wondering if I could take Sakura out for a walk, let her have a bit of sun...you know it's not very good for someone to be cooped up in a room like this for too long."  
  
The nurse looked at him with doubt. "But..."  
  
"I'll take good care of her," Syaoran cut in.  
  
The nurse bit her lip, eyeing Syaoran from head to toe. "Well...I guess but anything may disrupt her state...you know she's not very stable..."  
  
"Paper!" Sakura cried out again, making Syaoran's mouth tremble from having to keep in his laughter.  
  
The nurse sighed once more and frowned, "Very well, I guess it may do good for the girl to see some green from the trees...but bring her back by three in the afternoon, no later than that."  
  
Syaoran thanked her gratefully, earning him a scowl from the nurse as she pushed the breakfast trolley away again. Turning to Sakura, he cracked a smile, shaking his head in disbelief. "You little deceiver."  
  
Sakura smiled at him playfully, "I wouldn't call it that. I'm just a pretty good actress."  
  
"Whatever you say Sakura," Syaoran chuckled with a stretch of his arms.   
  
"Come on, let's go already! I'm dieing to get outside," Sakura whined childishly as she pulled Syaoran towards the door. He looked at her pointedly, much to her annoyance. "Now what?"  
  
"You want to walk around in that?" Syaoran pointed at her wrinkled gown.  
  
Blushing, Sakura looked around and frowned. "I don't think I have anything here do I?"  
  
Syaoran looked thoughtful before taking off his green sweater, revealing a tighter black t-shirt underneath much to Sakura's dismay; as she was probably staring like a complete idiot. Fortunately, Syaoran didn't seem to notice as he offered the sweater to her. "You can wear it on top and you'll look half-decent."  
  
"Gee thanks," Sakura pretended to look annoyed as she took the sweater.  
  
"You know I'm just joking Sakura, you look beautiful even with a hospital gown," Syaoran said seriously, causing Sakura's cheeks to turn a rosy pink. He opened the door and led Sakura out of the room, making Sakura suddenly feel light-hearted all over.  
  
"Finally," she whispered half to herself as she smiled with content while they walked down the hallway.  
  
Turning a corner, they heard a loud yell from the other end of the hall. Sakura jumped slightly at the loud noise, but Syaoran's comforting presence eased her surprise as they neared the source of pandemonium.  
  
And with it, Sakura felt her heart go cold as an invisible icy grip seemed to wrap itself around her. Syaoran saw what had caused the girl he loved to tense up so quickly, and he instantly glared at the young man in the wheelchair with three nurses trying to restrain him. Without a second of thought, he turned his eyes fleetingly to Sakura, frightened if she would go crazy again.  
  
"Sakura...?" He asked cautiously.  
  
"I'm ok," she answered quickly, pulling her gaze away from the scene before them. She turned to look at Syaoran with wide eyes, and he couldn't help but notice she looked like a frightened five year old. He wanted to pull her into his arms and just tell her everything was okay, but he couldn't seem to move. "I...I sort of knew I would see him again. Someday."  
  
"Yori! Please! Calm down!" A nurse cried out frantically as the young man growled and said something quickly that none of them could catch.  
  
Syaoran frowned, "I'm sorry Sakura...I didn't know he was also a patient here..."  
  
"It's not your fault," Sakura replied softly as she glanced at the other young man still thrashing about. "I can't run forever, neh?" She smiled slightly as she turned to look at Syaoran again, much to Syaoran's surprise. She took a breath and her smile widened. "I'm ok, I really am. I can face him, I can face my problems...I feel like I can face anything now."  
  
Syaoran felt himself smiling, his heart swelling with pride for the girl before him. The girl who seemed ten times stronger emotionally and mentally. "Sakura..."  
  
"Let's go," Sakura gave one last look at her former boyfriend, her former special somebody...her former nightmare.  
  
Syaoran obliged as he followed Sakura out the doors and into the morning sunshine. He caught up to her fast pace before placing a hand on her shoulder, causing her to stop in her tracks. "Are you sure you're alright?" He asked gently.  
  
Sakura didn't answer immediately, but she pointed a finger up at the cloudless sky and spoke steadily, "Has the sky ever been bluer?" She looked over her shoulder and gave Syaoran an angelic smile. "Has the sun ever shone brighter?"  
  
Syaoran smiled, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind, bringing her close into his lean chest. "No Sakura, they've never been so magnificent."  
  
Sakura seemed to sigh in front of him, a light weight upon him as she leaned back comfortably. "It's like they're welcoming me back, neh?"  
  
Syaoran nodded more to himself than to her. "Yes Sakura...it does seem like that, doesn't it?"  
  
When she didn't reply for a while, Syaoran thought that maybe she had fallen asleep again. Tilting his head hesitantly, he was about to call her name softly just as she spun around and took both of his hands, spinning him in a circle. Dazed, he steadied himself when they had stopped spinning, growling at Sakura's amused smile and flushed cheeks.  
  
"Come on Syaoran, you said you were going to show me reality all over again," Sakura reminded him brightly, still holding onto him. "This is your chance, show me everything Syaoran. Every little thing," she said breathlessly.  
  
Syaoran nodded, letting go of Sakura's left hand to rummage through his pocket. Finally finding what he wanted, he took his hand out of his pocket again and offered something to Sakura. Curiously, Sakura looked at his open palm to see a single paper star sitting innocently there. Tilting her head in confusion, Syaoran nodded his head towards it.  
  
"Make a wish Sakura, a wish you won't regret."  
  
Smiling softly, she took the star and held it close to her chest, closing her eyes as she did so. After a few seconds, she opened her eyes again and opened her palm, the star still sitting perfectly in her palm. Syaoran smiled, a handsome smile and flushed slightly. "Done wishing?"  
  
Sakura nodded.  
  
Syaoran flushed even redder as he continued, "Well...open it."  
  
"The star?" Sakura blinked.  
  
Syaoran nodded.  
  
Sakura smiled inwardly, her heart speeding up for no reason at all as she unwrapped the paper star with curiousity surging through her veins. Smoothing it out, she read the words written on the paper star with wide sparkling eyes. She read it over and over again, not believing, not wanting to break the surreal moment of perfection. Finally, what seemed to be eternity to Syaoran, she looked up and nodded once.  
  
Syaoran let a breath of relief escape his lips, feeling a heavy weight leave his chest as Sakura leapt into his arms. "What did you wish for, Sakura?"  
  
"You little sneaky brat, you knew along didn't you?"  
  
"What? Of course not," Syaoran answered innocently. "But did your wish come true?"  
  
Sakura smiled, her thoughts running, her mind reeling. "Yes. Yes it did come true. The first wish of mine that ever came true, Li Syaoran."  
  
Syaoran smiled, satisfied with her answer as the two simply stood there in each other's arms. Sakura let go of the strip of star paper in her grip, too caught up in the moment to notice she had let it go as the wind picked up and carried it up into the air. If the birds could read, or maybe even the sun and the clouds and the heavens above, they would have read-  
  
_Somewhere, someday...Will you marry me, Sakura?_  
  
  
  
  
  


**-The End-**

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
AN: Oh my gosh it's OVER. SNUFF, thank you EVERYONE that reviewed and gave me feedback, you guys were my inspiration and I'm not joking =) This fic has been the most serious thing I've written...the most emotional thing I've written and I'm happy with the way it turned out ^^ I hope to see you all again on ff.net and I'll be sure to continue to write =) Thank you once again everyone!!  
  


_-Enchanted Ice Star_ © 2003.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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